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How Do You Know If Your S/O is Lying/Cheating

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Old 13th October 2009, 4:30 PM   #1
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How Do You Know If Your S/O is Lying/Cheating

well me and my ex have had a long distance relationship earlier.Now we plan on getting back together.she said she hasnt had sex since I left (besides oral).that was 2 years ago.i find this hard to do i find out for sure before i feel comfortable gettin into a relationship with her again
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Old 13th October 2009, 5:02 PM   #2
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It's very possible she's telling you the truth. Women quite often have different thoughts and needs when it comes to sex than men.

What's more important is why you are so concerned about any possible romps in the hay your ex may have had while you were apart. (?)

You said she is/was your "ex". If so, the two of you broke up, so why do you think she should have been celibate during this time. Where you?

Or, did you make some sort of agreement between the two of you (which seems incredibly silly) that you were no longer a couple but "would save yourselves" for each other in the event you got back together down the line?

In a nutshell, she may or may not be telling you the truth, but one thing is for sure. You will ruin the chances of the two of you ever making a go of it the second time if you are going to let the whole issue get in the way.

What happened in the two years you were apart is none of either one of your business, unless as I said, you made a mutual pact. If not, get on with the business of re-building a relationship and worry about the important stuff -- the here and now.

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Old 13th October 2009, 5:07 PM   #3
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Trust me. You might as well let this go now. It's not healthy and it's not good.

My fiance and I were broken up for 4 years, and with other people the whole time. There are underlying circumstances to our breakup, but it ate at me every day and still does. He's the same. We have so much bad past that we just can't seem to fully let go and it's a struggle every day.

The best thing for you to do is leave the past in the past. It's none of your business and what you did is none of hers.
Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than itís worth- Baz Luhrmann, from the SONG.
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Old 13th October 2009, 9:25 PM   #4
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If I am understanding you correctly, you two were broken up. Which means anything she did is during that time is not your business. It also means she was not 'cheating' if you were not in a relationship.
American, engaged to SO in Ireland (LDR)
We met online, yes we've met IRL 7 times, yes I've met his family and yes, he will be moving Stateside.
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Old 14th October 2009, 4:42 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by TMichaels View Post

It's very possible she's telling you the truth. Women quite often have different thoughts and needs when it comes to sex than men.
I think no one can tell this for sure. And I think this is a question of personality, not of male/female.

Yeah just don't underestimate what you get yourself into. If you wouldn't mind what she has been doing in the past 2 years, I would find it surprising that you want her back.

So think if you can handle this, if both of you might be able to be together knowing that one or both of you did have sex ... oral or whatever ... with other persons. Both of you must be honest. Just there needs to be the right time to talk about those things, maybe not right at the beginning.
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Old 14th October 2009, 9:23 PM   #6
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You can't be sure. You have to trust. Long distance relationships take more trust than's something you need.
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Old 17th October 2009, 11:55 AM   #7
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At the end of the day, if you were broken up from one another and seeing each other people, it should not matter going forward in a relationship together. And it is quite possible that she didn't have a sexual relationship with anyone else. Some women prefer to be in a loving and trusting relationship before they just go out and sleep with someone.
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