Is this rude telephone behavior?

[Leslie]

I left a message for my boyfriend yesterday saying I wanted to talk to him, then he called me back and said '' You wanted to talk to me, okay call me back."

I did without a phone card and he was munching on food talking with his mouth full and telling me about a funny thing he was watching on TV. I told him I wouldn't disturb his eating or TV .

 

He got worried asking if I was upset and I said I was and he said that because I had nothing new to say he didn't think we had to talk so often. I said I was sorry I didn't have anything as important as CNN to report.

Is this rude or am I over reacting?

[Tony T]

It is very obvious that your boyfriend has gotten to the "taking you for granted phase" of your relationship. In most relationships, this is the final phase before a break-up.

 

Not returning phone calls and not making you feel more important than snacking and a television show is just plain rude and shows he places more value on TV than you at this point.

 

You need to talk to him and be very firm. Let him know that you're beginning to feel not very important to him and if that continues, it could signal a serious transition in your life and his as well.

 

Men often take their girlfriends for granted at a point. When the lady finds another man to give her the attention and respect they require and break up with the previous guy, the guy is often devastated...and he deserves to be.

 

If you don't start getting the attention and respect you feel is acceptable from your boyfriend, make him your ex boyfriend.

[clia]

I respectfully disagree.

 

Is your boyfriend a "phone person"? Not all people are. I personally hate it when people call me for NO reason at all, but to chat about the weather or whatever happens to come up. I hate chit chatting on the phone for hours when I could be doing other things. Generally, my phone use is limited to a five minute "making plans" kind of calls, or longer "what's happening in your life" calls with my close friends who don't live near enough for us to get together in person. (I just don't get couples who call each other a thousand times during the day just to report what they had for lunch...why???)

 

Yes, I'm sure there was a time when you two burned up the phone lines. That's the way beginnings of relationships are. You are on your best behavior and learning about a new person, and it's all very exciting. Unfortunately, reality eventually hits, and who people really are emerges. Your boyfriend may simply not care to chit chat on the phone as much as you do.

 

Your boyfriend was not put on this earth to keep you entertained. There's no reason why you should be calling him constantly "just to talk" when you don't have anything specific to talk to him about. I know you miss him, but don't you have anything better to do??? If you must hear his voice on a constant basis, save one of his messages on your voice mail and listen to it from time to time. Or call him for two minutes just to say hi. But don't keep him on the phone or try to keep him on the phone when he clearly doesn't want to be, and is in the middle of watching a TV show or eating. (I HATE that. There are very few shows I actually watch, and it bothers me to no end when someone calls me during one of them, and doesn't get it that I'd really like to watch the show and call them back later...grrr...)

[Tony T]

I assumed Leslie called her boyfriend with something meaningful to say. He should not have invited her to call right back on her dime if he was going to brush her off.

 

However, if he doesn't even give her five minutes I totally stand by my post. It is absolutely wrong to give someone you are seeint the royal brush off in favor of television. Nobody should ever brush another off so quickly with such an explanation.

 

An appropriate response on his part would have been: "Right now I'm in the middle of a program. Would it be OK if I call you back after I'm finished with my snack and the program?" If she says "no" and it's not important then she is wrong.

 

If Leslie is calling often for long talks about nothing, then she is obviously not yet as tired of doing this as he is. There was very classy ways of letting her know this without blowing her off rudely.

 

It is rude for anybody to do that to anybody. Television does not rule the world.

 

If this guy doesn't like a lady who cares enough to want to have nice talks, long or short, he needs to very kindly and politely tell her to find somebody else.

 

There are a lot of kind and classy ways of telling a person if they don't have something important to say...then don't call so often. This guy's a bum and she ought to know that. If she thinks she getting tossed to the side now, I'd hate to see how it works if they ever got married.

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by clia

I respectfully disagree.

(I just don't get couples who call each other a thousand times during the day just to report what they had for lunch...why???)

 

Snicker snicker snicker. My husband and I did this when we were dating, and each time either of us felt taken for granted during the relationship/marriage. It's a way of saying I Love You and I Care. I think its sweet and talking about mundane everyday things like lunch is a way of sharing it.

 

I agree with you about calling and interrupting a TV show. I hate that and will let the machine answer it, but my husband insists on answering the phone, which means I have to mute the TV while he's on the phone, and he has no idea how to end the phone conversation! If I answer it I just say "hey, i'm watching TV, I'll call ya"

[clia]

I assumed if she had called for a reason and it was on her dime, she would have come out with it when he answered the phone. It just sounded to me like she didn't call for any particular reason, and was mad that he was relaying to her what he was doing RIGHT BEFORE she called. Was he still watching the TV? It's unclear from her post, at least to me.

 

I do think it's rude to eat in the phone, though. I forgot to say that in my last post.

[Dragonflys]

Telling someone you don't want to speak with them because they have nothing to say and are watchingTV and eating is extremely rude. You can see by the way it was said that he does not regard her existence at all.

I agree with Tony, its OK to say 'can I call you back after the show?', which shows he regards her wishes, but at the same time regards his own. Thats how relationships work.

 

Oliver

[lola]

Leslie-

 

There are obviously as many interpretations of your boyfriend's behavior as reader reactions. How do you know which is "correct" without checking in with your own feelings? You were hurt and that is an indication that something is awry, either in this situation alone, or more generally, within the relationship itself.

 

If you felt rebuffed by his comments, you still need to have another conversation with him, as it affect the way you relate to him in the future. I don't think it is that easy to pass off what you perceive as rude behavior as "my problem alone". After a heart to heart discussion, you can find out if you both need to make some changes in your phone calling behaviors or the relationship in general. And then you will ultimately be in a better place to transition the relationship to a better place, with or without him.

 

Lola