Feeling a bit insecure/jealous

[celebray69]

Hey all...I'm back. I've known my boyfriend for three years and we have officially been doing the long distance thing for just over a year. Believe me we have definitely had our issues but we always communicate to work them out. It's funny how whenever there is something significant that happens I turn to these forums. But I just find them sooo helpful. Here is my latest issue...

A couple nights ago when we talked on the phone I found out that he had a girl friend over to watch a movie at his place that night. I have met this girl and she is aware that we are together. When he told me this I got very jealous and confronted him about it. He assured me that he is not interested in her nor anyone else and was very open about what happened. I accepted what he told me and we ended up having a very loving conversation. Because of our time distance the following day I knew we wouldn't be able to skype so he told me he would call. He didn't so I tried calling him but his phone was off. Now I find my imagination taking over and am feeling very insecure and jealous. I know that we will talk tonight but I am unsure of how to approach this. Do I question him having his phone off or just let go of it? I know there is no way to control what he does but what kills me is because of the long distance...if he ever does or decides to cheat how will I ever know?

[Geishawhelk]

Oh, you'll know.

His attitude, demeanour and the way he talks to you will completely change.

By all means mention it to him, but don't make a big deal over it.

 

However, I think it would be in your interest to agree with him that if EITHER OF YOU meet someone else, and it looks like getting serious, the most honourable and honest thing to do would be to admit it to the other and not let the other find out long after the event, either by accident, or from someone else.

promise that to one another.

keep your end of the bargain.

if he doesn't keep his, you can give him hell.....

[crimsonrose]

Hey all...I'm back. I've known my boyfriend for three years and we have officially been doing the long distance thing for just over a year. Believe me we have definitely had our issues but we always communicate to work them out. It's funny how whenever there is something significant that happens I turn to these forums. But I just find them sooo helpful. Here is my latest issue...

A couple nights ago when we talked on the phone I found out that he had a girl friend over to watch a movie at his place that night. I have met this girl and she is aware that we are together. When he told me this I got very jealous and confronted him about it. He assured me that he is not interested in her nor anyone else and was very open about what happened. I accepted what he told me and we ended up having a very loving conversation. Because of our time distance the following day I knew we wouldn't be able to skype so he told me he would call. He didn't so I tried calling him but his phone was off. Now I find my imagination taking over and am feeling very insecure and jealous. I know that we will talk tonight but I am unsure of how to approach this. Do I question him having his phone off or just let go of it? I know there is no way to control what he does but what kills me is because of the long distance...if he ever does or decides to cheat how will I ever know?

 

I keep giving this advice to everyone whos in an ldr and feels insecure. It's fairly extreme but you can adjust it and make it less extreme so that it suits you and your boyfriend.

 

Alright, I was raised in a home where I was taught you shouldn't flirt around, and that when you date someone it should be for somethign serious, not for a fling to make you happy for a few months. My fiance was raised in a home where his father tells him get a nice girl but its ok if you go to stripclubs, just dont tell her about it.

 

Naturally this is very nervewracking, especially because this is an LDR. We've solved this with totally and complete open communication. Guys are visual creatures, and I understand this, but if he so much as fantasizes about a girl and doesn't fight it off, he tells me. And if I so much as imagine what it would be like to date a guy, I tell him. Sure, it hurts sometimes, but because he tells me anything and everything he does that would hurt me if I knew, I know I can always trust him. He recently had to go to a stripclub for a bachelor party, and he came home and said he didn't find the women at all appealing, and that he wouldn't go to another stripclub again. And unbelievable as that is, i TRUST that he's telling the truth, because, well, if he tells me everything else, he has no reason to lie about this.

 

Its hard but being super open in an LDR helps so much. You don't have to be as open as my fiance and I, and everyone's different so this may not help, but try it and see if it DOES.

 

Also, it's my belief that while its ok to have friends of the opposite sex when you're dating, you need to set boundaries.Its ok for him to talk to girls, but he shouldn't be having them at his house at night while the love of his life is miles away wishing it was her in place of that girl. That's simply not right. You have to be really careful with things liek this in an LDR, simply because it IS so hard to trust when you can't be with another person all the time.

 

And no, don't let go of it. When you feel insecure, always approach him with that in mind- that YOU feel insecure. Don't appraoch the subject like he's cheated, because then he

ll only get defensive and that will really make you flip Just tell him you wouldn't have a guy friend over like that, and though you're ok with him having girl friends and you trust him so much, it hurts when he's that close with them and you'd like it if you two could agree not to have the opposite sex over like that. Just let him know its YOU that feels insecure and you need his help to get over this by him not doing that again