my heartbreaking story.

[sdmf1]

I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years, we are both in our 3rd year of college, both 20 yrs old, living 100 miles apart and things are going bad. For the past 2 years she has come and gone, doing the "college" thing, wich has put a strain on me, being that i dont drink, do drugs, or any of the like. Whenever i would find out she had been drinking or smoking, it would break my heart, but she would always tell me that she is sorry, it would never happen again and "its not like i cheated on you! you want to break up with me over this?" she has promised and broken her word a number of times and i forgive her.

 

I was convinced that my own paranoia was getting the best of me again, that i should stop checking in on her when she is out late or stop worrying when she doesnt pick up the phone. Recently she began to get so mad at me for suspecting so many things of her, when she goes out to clubs, stays the night at a friends house, comes home late, or is constantly napping in the middle of the day, which is all completely unlike her. She had promised and comforted me telling me she would stay away from all of that. she "put me in my place" several times, yelling and defending her side.

 

We have been through a rough past few weeks and i finally made the long trek up to see her for the memorial day weekend for the first time in 3 weeks. I was ready to spend my time making it up to her and showing her that i am calm and we can be ok, i can put my worries aside and ask for forgiveness. But she had something to tell me, she was reluctant at first, telling me I wouldnt love her anymore, and that she would ruin our weekend alone.

 

She told me she was still drinking, she told me she had started to smoke weed several times a week, and that she had cheated on me once when she was drunk with her girlfriend and another time with a guy she met at a party only 2 weeks ago (that i couldnt make it to).

 

I would have dumped her on the spot if i didnt feel it nessesary to hear her side of thing, to listen to her apologize, told me she regret it, and see her cry. I dont think i have to explain the pain of my heartbreak, how she took everything we are and threw it away. I decided to stay the weekend, make the most of it despite our pain. I told her that i was fine with her by my side, but there is no trust left between us. All the times i thought i knew her, i know she was lying, and ontop of all that, before she told me all of this, she defended herself as if she had done nothing, made us argue non stop, ruined alot of our phone conversations, made me feel guilty, made me feel like i had done so much wrong and owed HER the world. Shes far away, and she cant defend herself against the barrage of constant thoughts in my head. i want to leave her, because i feel like i dont know her at all, but i want to give her another chance. We both know she could get away with another guy, drugs, hell she could have children and i would never know if she didnt mention it.

 

How can i rebuild this trust from so far away? she promises she will change, and she begs me to forgive her, she cries and she waits to hear from me. but i just dont have the encouragement i used to. her world will never stop, even though i wish i could know where she is at all times, its just not reasonable is it? someone please help me.

 

to protect her (and i dont know why i should, but i want to) i dont tell my parents, or hers, we share the same mutual friends, i want to talk about it with someone who wont judge her, she says it all meant nothing. i dont know where to turn.

[Poboy]

you are young. enjoy your life & relationships rather than be in a such a LDR where she cheats & does drugs. move on and find someone else.

[catrocks]

It sounds like the two of you are totally different people. I don't think there is ever an excuse for cheating, but I also think you made things very difficult for her. It's fine if you don't want to go out late and drink, and kudos to you for sticking to that through college. But you can't stop her going out if she wants to - you're not her boss, you're her boyfriend. It sounds like you didn't trust her much if you would constantly worry if she was out late or didn't answer her phone, and so she was probably feeling very bad for wanting to go out when you obviously didn't want her to. (I'm still not condoning what she did, just trying to put a little perspective out there).

 

You're both young, and she seems to want to have fun and go out in college - there is nothing wrong with that, just as there is nothing wrong with you not wanting to do that. But you can't control her - you HAVE to have trust in an LDR. I'm very sorry things turned out this way for you, and I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I think you need to break up with her - you both need to find someone you're more suited to. It's going to take you time, but just tell her you need her to not contact you anymore, and you both need to move on with your lives.

[mortensorchid]

Dude, you are only 20 years old, as is she. What says "forever" about this situation? Both of you need to experience more in life, and that includes being with each other and other people.

 

Now, we all look back on certain situations thinking how life would be different if we zigged when we would have zagged. But there are no garantees in life. I would say that you should end this relationship because you are being sucked dry emotionally and mentally. It's better for the both of you at this point.

[truckdriving]

I agree with mortensorchid. She played you hardcore and will continue to do so if you stay with her. Besides do you really want an ulcer? You'll get one from worrying about what she is doing and with who all the time, trust me my ex gave me one and they are about as fun as a knife in the back. Get rid of her, I'm sure there are plenty of girls who are worth your time where you live.