lp101 Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 Okay, my boyfriend of 3 years is cheating on me and I cannot catch him! He hides his keys, he erases all of his calls on his cell phone, if he doesn't have his phone he calls me from blocked numbers, often takes a shower upon returning home. NEVER comes home on time, always some lame excuse why he's late. I've tried to follow him , he always gets away, always cleans out his pockets, never gives me a # to reach him at, he is a vendor, goes from store to store. He always makes me give him detailed info about my day yet doesn't want to discuss his. He constantly goes through all the mail, my purse, my wallet etc. Yet if I say fine let me go look in your truck he says "No cause you don't always get your way. Your not the boss" Problem being the lease is in both our names and when I ask him to leave i get "I live here too and you can't make me" I don't have the financial resources to go somewhere else at the moment. He moved us to a different city , my family won't speak to me because of him and I don't know anybody well enough to ask for help. He left for the weekend , said he went to stay with a friend...showed up yesterday afternoon wanting to work things out. I yelled at him until he finally left. I know he will come back, and I don't know how to deal with all this. He looks me right in the eye and swears he's not cheating, calls me crazy! I really don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
CrushedOrgans Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 even if he's not cheating, this person clearly sucks and is dragging you down with him. i don't understand why people will put up with all kinds of crap just to stay in a "relationship", but won't deal with cheating. it's like "well, as long as you don't screw other people, you can do anything you want and i'll stick around." which is what you've been doing. only when you started thinking about him putting his penis somewhere else did you get concerned. you're not happy, your family's not happy, and you don't have a right to keep them in a bad situation. regardless of whether he's cheating or not, move on and find someone and something better than this. Link to post Share on other sites
DarkShadows Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 Wow, I can't believe you haven't left this guy to begin with! How old are you? Him? And why has your family completely lost touch with you? I'm sure someone in your family will be willing to help you out. Unless you screwed them over, or something. I'm sort of in the same boat. My boyfriend isn't nearly as horrible as yours. But I moved to a different country with mine and found out he has cheated on me twice. Not physically, that I know of, but in other terms he considers cheating. Yet, I know no one here, I have no money to move back to my country, yet my family would help me get back if I wanted too. I hope you get out of this. He is way too damn controlling. I would've put my boot up his behind by now.. or slit his throat... Yea I don't put up with being controlled. Don't get why you would want too. What kind of boy was he when you two started dating? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lp101 Posted September 11, 2006 Author Share Posted September 11, 2006 I wish my family would help but they made it clear if i was with him they would never talk to me....which believe me they mean it. We had a pretty good relationship to be honest...99% of this crap started when we moved in together. He has spent all of our money..new car..trips to see his brother...clothes etc. I have to wait until I save enough money to get out of here. I just thought maybe someone could give me some advice on how to deal with all this until I can. Link to post Share on other sites
DarkShadows Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 I really don't know what words I could say that would help you. I definatly would try to contact a member of your family. Someone whom you were close to to begin with.. If they care they will help you. Period. Until then, I would ignore him, I guess. I really do not know. Change the bolts, throw out his clothes... I'm sorry... Link to post Share on other sites
CrushedOrgans Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 I definatly would try to contact a member of your family. Someone whom you were close to to begin with.. If they care they will help you. Period. yes. you said that they wouldn't help you if you were with him. there obviously is a reason they don't like him. so if you are trying to separate yourself from him, they should be more than happy to try to help. you won't know unless you try. don't be scared. it can't hurt. and it doesn't seem as though it can get much worse, you might as well try to make it better. help from family, though, isn't your only option. even if they won't help you, you need to find a way out anyway. might as well start looking. Link to post Share on other sites
arniebuteft Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 Wow, this guy sounds like a grade-A loser. Wonder if your family was on to something when they gave you the "it's us or him" ultimatum. Talk to the family, they'll probably be overjoyed you're leaving him and help you out... unless you've done this before (i.e. say you want to leave, get help from the family, then make up with the bf and go back like everything is good). Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 Don't worry about proving whether or not he is cheating. His awful behavior is enough reason to leave. You have options. As everyone else has said, call your family. Ask for their help. Be sure to erase your own phone log of that call. Make up some excuse about needing money to get the car fixed, whatever, and keep your whole next paycheck. Screw the rent. He can deal with that after you skip. Don't even let him know that you are leaving. Act cool, like you are upset but wanting to work things out. Plot your escape in the dark. He sounds like a controlling, possibly abusive man. That means you need to be careful when you go. Just disappear without any warning. Leave one day while he is at work. Hide anything that you need until you leave. Plane tickets, etc. can be hidden behind pictures in picture frames, or in tampon boxes in the bathroom. If all this sounds like it's being too careful, I'm sorry. It's just that I had to leave an abusive man once. Better safe than sorry. Good luck, and get out. Link to post Share on other sites
0llll0 Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Leave a condom with mayo in it under the pillow on your way out the door! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lp101 Posted September 13, 2006 Author Share Posted September 13, 2006 If you read my last post.. u know my situation..I was going through papers, seperating what I would need when I leave..ran across his ssn and ran it through the computer just for the hell of it, came up someone else same last name but different first and middle. HUH? Does anyone know a good site for background checks or info????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lp101 Posted September 14, 2006 Author Share Posted September 14, 2006 did a background check...not cheating ...married!!! now have great reason to kick him out at least have his address with his wife...should I??????? Link to post Share on other sites
DarkShadows Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 Hah! I would so bust his ass. Do it! Mmm.. Revenge... Must love... Oh... sweet... yes... Link to post Share on other sites
CrushedOrgans Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 ...not cheating ...married!!! shyt. and that actually is cheating... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lp101 Posted September 14, 2006 Author Share Posted September 14, 2006 LOL yeh cheating is cheating....figured it was some girl from a club not a wife....i feel sssoooooo horrible for me and her he didn't come home tonight called earlier and said, "working late, gonna stay with a friend" i didn't say anything cause i REALLY want to see his face when i confront him... Link to post Share on other sites
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