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Is my friends husband flirting with me?

Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 24th August 2005, 6:35 AM   #1
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Is my friends husband flirting with me?

I'm not at all sure if i am being silly or what!

My friends husband has always been friendly towards me which I always thought good, that we (myself and my partner and her and her husband) could all be friends and socialise.

I have always found him flirtatious and touchy feely with me, but laughed it off and thought nothing of it, after all, he is my friends husband.

I have recently noticed him staring at me and paying me more attention and he has started emailing me funny pics, photos, jokes, stories and at one time he said something that took me by surprise (a little rude to be honest, I'm no prude, but hey he's not my partner) which he immediately apologised for and said he realised he'd been a bit below the belt with his comment (err yes i think so!)

He's carried on emailing me (although i don't think my friend realises how much so and i'm sure she has no clue about the comment i just refered to!)

He has just come back after being away from my friend for 9 days, he took the kids with him and on coming back he emailed me saying that she was stressing already and that she was p***ing him off and that he wished he'd never come back. Why is he saying this to me? I'm her friend for goodness sake!

I could be taking all this the wrong way, but I'm getting these vibes here and am not sure what to think or do.
It's awlful now because when i do go to see my friend and if he turns up, i feel so blooming awkward and flustered and I'm feeling the awkwardness from him now, the whole atmosphere has changed from what it was when we first all made friends. But yet he still keeps mailing me, sometimes I may see him (being all awkward with each other), arrive home and there will be more emails from him.

Do you think i'm making something out of nothing?

If I am, I have to snap out of it and stop being so edgy with him, but what should I do if you think there is something else.

I'm concerned mainly because I don't want my friendship to be in any kind of jeopardy and thinking this about her other half does not do it any favours as I am backing off a bit.

Thanks in advance!
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Old 24th August 2005, 9:39 AM   #2
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I think you are putting your friendship with your female friend at great risk. He is clearly flirting and trying to get you into an emotional affair at the very least. How would you feel if your boyfriend was receiving all of these emails from a female friend of yours and she was always flirting with him? I also think the fact that you are keeping the extent of the emails being sent to you from your significant other is being really disrespectful to him. This will all end badly when your female finds out how much energy her husband has been putting into you. It may seem innocent but it is not. If you allow this to continue you will certainly end up losing your female friend and you may put your own relationship in jeopardy. It seems so obvious so how can you not see this? Stop this now! I wish you luck.
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Old 24th August 2005, 9:43 AM   #3
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What an awkward situation for you to be in, however he has written you something that will make this easier to address. He e-mailed you saying that 'she' was pissing him off. You can use this as a starting point to talk to him about how uncomfortable you are finding his e-mails.

Simply explain that you do not want him to e-mail you anything that degrades your friend and that you value her friendship a lot. If he defends his e-mailing you such negative detriments concerning his wife and says that he is unhappy, make him aware that this is only their business and not for you to know. Explain to him that instead of discussing his problems with you, who is happily married, he should focus his attentions on his wife.

If he does not defend himself and agrees, only sending you messages that are not about her, your problem still persists. You will then have to talk to him, but make it about his welfare rather than your own. Tell him that you have become aware of how much he e-mails you and you were wondering whether everything was alright at home, at work, etc. Explain that although it is not any of your business, if there is something the matter he needs to get it sorted either through professional help or by talking to his wife.

Give him a few weeks after which ever 'talk' occurs, if the e-mailing and attention have not subsided, you will have to tell him exactly how you feel as you did in your message on this website. My other suggestions would be less embarrassing and would also mean a potential couple friendship that you once appreciated, yet if they do not work, this is unfortunately your last option.

I really respect your concern for your friend, it is so refreshing after reading other similar messages on this website! Good luck, Samantha x
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Old 3rd September 2005, 3:45 PM   #4
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No wonder you feel awkward--what he is doing is crossing the line. If you have been responding to his emails, STOP cold turkey. That will be the best way to nip this in the bud. If I were you I would start deleting his mails without reading them (or block his email address). You may not even need to tell him about it ahead of time. He should get the message pretty loud and clear after awhile. If you want to inform him, you could simply send him an email stating that you are uncomfortable with the emails and will no longer be reading or responding. Over time, the awkwardness will diminish, because you guys will no longer have this secret dialogue going on. Count your blessings that it is only via email that the inappropriate behavior has been occurring - that is one of the easiest things to cut off!!

Good luck to you - I admire your loyalty to your friend.
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