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Should It Be Left In The Past?


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 31st January 2019, 7:42 AM   #1
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Should It Be Left In The Past?

I am new to this so you will have to bear with me.
My partner and I are coming up 5 years together we are also 22 and 23 years old i feel this is important for you to know.
When we first got together my partner cheated physically not the full intercourse but it hurt nonetheless with someone i thought was a friend and i was willing to move past it but then it happened a second time.. again i moved forward thinking its ok we are in a new relationship and he has never been with anyone but me so he is testing the waters... right?
Anyway so over the next nearly 4 years now i have continually caught him trying to get in touch with his ex (it was a Skype relationship) getting in touch with her and saying i love you, your beautiful, i miss you etc etc which made me feel degraded then also there is the porn chicks and the Instagram and snap chat girls that he keeps there photos of.
And most recently i have caught him paying for porn which tipped me over the edge.. i mean we had been talking about marriage and kids which for me has flown out the window.
Part of it is my fault as every time i have said id leave and then have stayed and fixed the relationship while he has continued as if nothing ever happened. in the beginning he would care etc but now when he gets caught his just like sorry and thats it.
I have no idea what to do anymore there have been promises after promises but nothing comes of them... HELP!
Can a leopard really change its spots? or should I run for the hills?
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Old 31st January 2019, 7:55 AM   #2
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Collette,


Run for the hills - now



I'm sorry x
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Old 31st January 2019, 9:29 AM   #3
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Quote:
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Part of it is my fault as every time i have said id leave and then have stayed and fixed the relationship while he has continued as if nothing ever happened.
Nooooooooooo.....ALL of it is your fault. Because you don't stand by your word and LEAVE when you say you're going to leave.

Look, at one time you were a victim of this deviant but now, you've chosen to be a volunteer.

You've been a volunteer For YEARS. Every time you catch him and pretend that it's all OK, you're a volunteer.

Jesus, you're barely out of your teens and you've already put up with 5 years of this senseless bull****?

Why?
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Old 31st January 2019, 11:43 AM   #4
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My dear he has never really cared or he would never have given you such constant grief over 4-5 years. I understand you focus on the good not the bad and hope it stays that way.Lesson learned: you don't stay to fix them, or be with them to fix them. That is not what a healthy respecting relationship is. You are long over due to leave this guy. It's time. Sorry.
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Old 31st January 2019, 12:54 PM   #5
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So sorry you're here, don't waste another day. Bail out!
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Old 31st January 2019, 1:52 PM   #6
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Leave him right now.
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Old 1st February 2019, 9:27 AM   #7
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Tell Him to sling a hook & Move on
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Old 1st February 2019, 11:28 AM   #8
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Well no never to say anything really. You have allowed him to get away with this for years. Should have walked away already. Best to do so now.

Best of luck.
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Old 1st February 2019, 9:54 PM   #9
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If anyone needs changing here, it’s you. You’ve lost all your self-respect and your self-worth is damaged. If anything, you’ve taught this guy that you’ll accept just about anything to have him in your life. What’s the incentive for him to “change” when he knows you don’t demand or believe you deserve anything more than someone who treats you like dirt?

Make an appointment to see a therapist. Hopefully this will help get you out of your fog. You’re too young to be wasting your years.
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Old 1st February 2019, 10:00 PM   #10
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You've shown that you'll put up with it, so he doesn't even care now. In the beginning you were both young, and young people make mistakes and, more importantly, do not always understand the consequences of their mistakes, i.e., how badly they hurt someone and disrupted their life through their careless actions.

But after this long together, and with you both still relatively young and with you looking forward to a family, I would strongly advise you this is not your guy and that you might break up and then take your time recovering since you're still really young to start a family, and work on a career and be on your own for awhile. It's really important to be on your own at some point. It gives you confidence that you can do it so you don't end up trapped in a relationship out of fear of finances, etc.

Men get a little better once they begin to settle down, maybe somewhere around 30, and I think then you will find a better match and one who won't confuse the kids with porn and his other behavior. You need to choose a role model for the kids because remember whatever you and the father do is ALL the kids know on how to act themselves and what to put up with, etc.

Cut him loose. Who needs it? If you tell him you're serious now, all he'll do is conceal it. He won't stop it.
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Old 5th February 2019, 3:18 AM   #11
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Nothing more attractive like a guy cheating, with your ex. You ain't gonna leave him, a man whose attention you are competing for with other women is hot.

Subconsciously your hind-brain is telling you, if I leave him I will be replaced with the competition, leaving is losing and get replaced, so you stay, attracted still.


A man with other options than you, hot.

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Old 5th February 2019, 3:58 PM   #12
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You don't have to run for the hills but you should definitely start walking in that direction. Your man child has not finished sewing his wild oats because he never really started.
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Old 5th February 2019, 4:45 PM   #13
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Rather odd thread title.



He clearly hasn't left her in the past, so why refer to it as such?


This has been happening all along. It's still going on. He's at fault for sure but you enable it. He learned long ago not to take you seriously.
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Old 8th February 2019, 8:49 PM   #14
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This guy clearly has no respect for your relationship. If you keep asking him to change and he keeps on talking to other girls with the intention of cheating on you with them, then you know he's not going to change. At this point you're willingly allowing yourself to continue in a relationship where this is happening constantly. And trust me when I say that it's more miserable than being single. In fact, you're only in your early 20s - that's prime time to enjoy being single!

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Originally Posted by collette View Post
And most recently i have caught him paying for porn which tipped me over the edge.. i mean we had been talking about marriage and kids which for me has flown out the window.
If you're checked out of that future plan, then I think you've found your answer... you don't want to be here either. You don't need to be in a relationship that's going nowhere and is causing you pain. If he wants to go have his fun with his ex or Snapchat girls etc, then let him. You don't need to be there.
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Old 17th February 2019, 8:37 PM   #15
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"I have no idea what to do anymore"

Nothing you have done has worked so far. It's time to do something that will save you from having to "DO" anything else. Leave him and don't look back.

"Can a leopard really change its spots?"

This guy isn't a leopard. Leopard's are beautiful creatures. He's a horny alley cat and always on the prowl.

You can't change him. What you can change is you and your situation by "growing a set" and realizing you can do much better for yourself even if it's by yourself. Do it for the children you see in your future. Is this the kind of guy who deserves to be the father of your children? Is this the kind of guy children deserve to have as a father?
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