Akani Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 I’m 32 and my husband is 40 and we have been married for 4 years now and have been together for 6 years And we hav 1 Child and all this time I knew my husband have one child from previous relationships and now I just found out that my husband has onther child and he never told me about.the sad part is everyone in his family knew about dat child and no one bored to tell m about it.i feel so betrayed cos from the beginning I told my husband I don’t want to be married to a may with more than one child cos I don’t wanna go through lots of baby mama drama so my husband decided not to tell m about his other child cos he say he was afraid I was not going to agree to marry him.but now my problem is why dint he tell me after we got married since he got wat he wanted.the way I found out about the other child was very hash I love my husband and we have been happily married all dis years but me finding out about dis child I feel betrayed and heart broken how can the man I love hide his child from me I don’t even know what’s the relationship between them how does he maintain that child and what more is he hiding for me I feel like my marriage has been built on lies .now it’s very difficult for m to trust him,as much as he say he was afraid to loose me I don’t understand why dint he give m a chance to make my own decision I wish he was honest to m from the very beginning he wash e should hav told me he have to kids from different mother and I will decide if want a man with 2 kids from different mothers but know he lied to me and now his lies are hurting us.to be honest I don’t know wat to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 How old is the child he hide from you? Has he provided for that child? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 First off it wasn't up to his family to tell you so leave them out of this. Secondly there is no baby mamma drama so this other child is a non-issue. Fair enough you should be very angry, but I think you need to hear him out first before going off about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 I see your point, but there can’t be much baby mamma drama if you didn’t even know about this child for 6 years. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 I don’t think he should have lied, but I can see why he did. It seems pretty arbitrary to decide one kid is fine but two is not. There’re probably lots of guys with two kids and two crazy baby mamas who would make your life miserable. But there’s probably lots of guys with more than one kid and no drama. IMO, this kind of thing deserves a decision on a case by case basis. A blanket rule seems so impersonal when you’re talking about someone you love. He must’ve felt all this time like you wouldn’t accept him if you knew. I would think it would be painful to live knowing that you’ve told this huge lie and that your partner wouldn’t accept you if she knew. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who couldn’t accept me for all the good and bad things about me. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 I guess he is siphoning off money from the marriage to support both his kids...and now she is wondering when baby number three will show up... This is a big deal. Lying and betrayal of trust are both involved here, as well as financial implications and the fracturing of the relationship between the OP and his family. Then there is why has this been hushed up? Who is this baby mamma, why is she a secret? Ex, ex wife or OW? How old is this child? >6yo or < 6yo??? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Now now we really don't know the circumstances yet.....it's possible it was a long time ago, and they decided to go their own way, no contact or child support. This may have happened when he was a teenager. We and she needs the facts first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akani Posted November 13, 2018 Author Share Posted November 13, 2018 Truth is I don’t know how old is the child but my husband says he is seven years old, and he doesn’t have a relationship with the child but he does maintain him how I don’t..so it very difficult for m to believe what his saying cos he lied from the beginning.and sometimes he was not working and I will be the one providing so now I’m asking myself was he also using my money to maintain that child I just feel so betrayed. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Truth is I don’t know how old is the child but my husband says he is seven years old, and he doesn’t have a relationship with the child but he does maintain him how I don’t..so it very difficult for m to believe what his saying cos he lied from the beginning.and sometimes he was not working and I will be the one providing so now I’m asking myself was he also using my money to maintain that child I just feel so betrayed. If you are providing for this man then you have a bigger problem than him having a secret child. And when he works why doesn't he reimburse you the money you gave him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 (edited) Truth is I don’t know how old is the child but my husband says he is seven years old, and he doesn’t have a relationship with the child but he does maintain him how I don’t..so it very difficult for m to believe what his saying cos he lied from the beginning.and sometimes he was not working and I will be the one providing so now I’m asking myself was he also using my money to maintain that child I just feel so betrayed. If you're smart, you'll do two things. Get your irresponsible husband a vasectomy, and go to a divorce lawyer. Why the hell should YOU have to help him support the kids he seems to be having everywhere he goes? Ugh. I'd SO be gone. Edited November 13, 2018 by Mrs._December Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 You marry a guy, wouldn't you have access to his financial information??? And would you not be in control of where the living expenses are going?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 Divorce him if this bothers you that much. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 Truth is I don’t know how old is the child but my husband says he is seven years old, and he doesn’t have a relationship with the child but he does maintain him how I don’t..so it very difficult for m to believe what his saying cos he lied from the beginning.and sometimes he was not working and I will be the one providing so now I’m asking myself was he also using my money to maintain that child I just feel so betrayed. You don't know if he was using your money to support the child? How did this happen? Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 I'd be concerned about being with man who has no contact with his own child, the lack of character would be setting of all kind off alarms. Like the other posters I'm also wondering how you have not noticed the child support payments coming off his salary? He either pays a negligible amount or earns so much you don't notice the missing amount. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 Looks like OP posted and dashed. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts