My friend's girlfriend is convinced he's attracted to me (but it's not true)

[Kurahan]

Hello everyone !

 

 

This is my first time starting a thread on a forum, but I am now in a confusing situation and a bit lost, so I hope i could get some opinions from you guys.

 

So, I'm in college, and most of the time I hang out with 2 people, a boy (called A) and a girl (called F). I'm a girl by the way. The 3 of us are very close because we lived through some tough moments together, and always helped each other out, which made us one big happy group. About 2 years ago, A had a relationship which basically left him traumatized, and F and I basicall picked up the pieces of his broken heart and some serious trauma.

Thankfully a few months ago, he fell in love, so we were really happy for him. They started dating, which was great, They spent the summer together, and it was all roses and sunshine.

 

 

But then around september (I think ?) they went on a romantic trip together, and he saw the sign of the town his ex used to live in, and reacted to it (like serious "oh" or something).

At that point, all the trust his girlfriend was starting to put into him crumbled. She became convinced that he couldn't forget about his ex. The problem is that she's not wrong, he indeed can't forget about her. But not because he's still in love with her, it's because this whole relationship led him into a horrible depression, one which F and I basically helped him get out of.

So she thinks she's basically a rebound for him, which he swears she's not. And he's a really serious guy, he woudn't commit to a relationship if he wasn't dead serious about the girl.

 

 

But because of that, she started being paranoid about his relationships with all his girl friends, starting with our little group.

 

F is and (probably) always will be a lesbian, so it's okay on that front.

 

But she's really not confortable with me hanging out with her bf. She basically asked him to stop talking to me, which he tried to do, because, well he's in love.

 

At that point I wasn't aware of all of this, and all I saw was my friend basically ghosting me, while F was stuck being the messenger between A and I. Our group was being destroyed.

 

So today I confronted him about it. He was feeling really bad, and said that we're too good of friends to just quit our friendship like that, especially for a reason as stupid as this. But the problem isn't only the fact that I am a female friend, it's that he admitted that a long time ago he was indeed very briefly attracted to me, but never followed through with that. And since he is unable to lie, when his girlfriend asked, he said the truth. So that's why afterwards he stopped talking to me : he was desperate to put her mind at ease.

A and I never flirted, let's not even mention kiss or anything like that. We basically friendzoned each other as soon as we got really close to each other. Hell, we almost never hang out with just the two of us, before AND after he started dating her. We are very happy with our current relationship and do not want anything more. But it seems that his girlfriend, who has some major trust issues (she also had some bad past relationships) just doesn't believe him.

 

 

 

With the way this is going, they will probably break up soon. But it's so infuriating because they love each other so much, and he knows he will never meet someone like her ever again. He's seriously starting to be sad about his love relationships.

So I was wondering if you were ever confronted to a similar situation, for exemple if someone didn't believe you no matter of how much you repeated saying it, no matter how much it's true. And how did you defused this kind of situation ?

 

Because we are stuck in this stupid situation and kind of lost as to how unlock it. And I feel bad, because I unwittingly played a part in this couple's problems.

 

 

 

And there you have it, sorry for the long post and the possible mistakes I might have made, as english isn't my mother language.

Thank you in advance !

[ExpatInItaly]

Unfortunately, the problem is your friend A and his inability or unwillingness to stand up to his girlfriend.

 

His girlfriend is insecure, and honestly, A sounds still somewhat attached to his past in an unhealthy way. Seeing the sign of the town his ex lived in provoked a depressed reaction in him, which I would see as a red flag if I were his girlfriend. Why the need to react to a simple sign at all if he's totally over his awful ex? He has to learn to filter himself a little better, too. Also, A doesn't know he will never meet another woman like his girlfriend again; that is his inexperience and young age speaking.

 

You have not done anything wrong, as I read it, and it's not your job to defuse or fix this. You can't. It sucks, but the problem isn't you. It's him. I would step away. He hasn't yet learned how to assert healthy boundaries in his relationship but that's on him. He will have to deal with whatever consequence that brings.