Torn between ex and current girlfriend

[Confused142]

Me (male) and my ex girlfriend aren’t together for about 9 months and I’m in another relationship for about 8 months with my current girlfriend. I know I jumped in that relationship a little bit too quick, but whatever. The relationship between me and my ex has always been nice. We didn’t argue that much, we did had our differences but nothing to bad. We broke things off after dating for almost a year and a half, because I was losing feelings for her. We were in a little rut and it was a relationship with a routine. I did still love her when we ended things, but I didn’t know if it was the same as in the beginning. I never did anything to keep that spark in the relationship and I knew that it was my fault to let something like that and her slip through my hands (I never cheated on her). We still spoke to eachother for about a month and I was still flirting with her. Knowing that my relationship with my current girlfriend was blossoming. Then my ex cut me off after a month of still keeping in touch, because she found out that I had started dating someone new. She didn’t want to speak to me ever again, so I could fully focus on my current girlfriend. I still followed her on snapchat because her snapchat is public (she didn’t follow me tho). Flashforward to a couple of weeks ago. I had to message my ex about something important. At first I was scared because I thought that she was still mad at me, but she responded okay. We had a short conversation and that was it. A couple of days later I saw her at carnaval. She was sober and I was tipsy. I started flirting with her and she was flirting back. I told her a lot of things which I ‘forgot’, but I’ll come to that part later on.

 

She was looking so good and hot. And we made an agreement that we were going to meet up soon. So afterwards we kept in contact and we were flirting. Even though I was tipsy at the moment that we made the agreement I still wanted to have sex with my ex while sober. So we met up and end up having sex. I was really enjoying it. I even missed it with my ex. After we were finished I was a little bit disappionted in myself. My ex noticed it but shrug it off and I did aswell. After we were finished we had a conversation about a lot of things.

 

She told me that she is sure that she doesn’t have any feelings for me anymore, because she felt nothing after having ex. She also told me everything what I said when I was tipsy. I told her that she really is the love of my life and that I never felt so much for someone like I did for her. And she asked me why I was in a relationship but I didn’t know how to answer that. So she asked me if you care about her as much as you say, why are you with her? I told her that I actually didnt care that much about my current girlfriend. When my ex told me all these things I was in denial. Because I love my current girlfriend. I don’t know if it’s true that you tell the truth when you’re drunk or tipsy but I was confused.

 

My ex later on said ‘The fact that you had sex with an ex says a lot too, you don’t care about you girlfriend’. I know that I didn’t really care about the feelings of my current girlfriend. My ex and I made a deal that we both say nothing about it to other people because I will get in a lot of trouble. I don’t want my current girlfriend to find out about it. But the chances are high that I will have sex again with my ex. I’m still drawn to her but I don’t want to get too close again because I will always have a special place for her in my heart. If we talk too much those feelings we had for eachother will come back. On the other hand.. I’m very happy with my current girlfriend I love her and that’s what I also told my ex. She is not as hot as my ex but she’s still cute. It’s a little bit confusing. I don’t want her to find out. But I also know that what I’m doing isn’t okay.

 

I would like to get some thoughts and advice on the whole situation.

Edited August 31, 2018 by Confused142

[d0nnivain]

Break up with your current GF. You said yourself you don't care enough about her. You already cheated on her. You plan to cheat on her more. Why or why do you think it's OK to keep her around under those circumstances? Would you want somebody to do that to you.

 

What you do with your EX is entirely up tp you. But if a little thing like a "rut" caused you to lose feelings how can you now say she's the love of your life. What are you going back to if your EX said she has no more feelings for you and didn't even feel anything after sex? Why would your EX take back the guy who dumped her who she now knows is a cheater?

[Zahara]

I’m very happy with my current girlfriend I love her and that’s what I also told my ex. She is not as hot as my ex but she’s still cute. It’s a little bit confusing. I don’t want her to find out. But I also know that what I’m doing isn’t okay.

 

I would like to get some thoughts and advice on the whole situation.

 

You don't love your current girlfriend. Break up with her. At least have the integrity to do the right thing by her if you are too much of a coward to tell her the truth. Your girlfriend deserves to be with someone that is 100% emotionally, mentally and physically committed to her.

 

I'm not even sure why your ex wants to be with you. You are all about instant gratification. You left her because you weren't feeling it with her. Then you met your current girlfriend. Now you are not feeling it with her and jumping to your ex.

 

Stop playing with people's lives. Grow up.

[smackie9]

Your ex is playing a game on you...it's a power game. She got butt hurt over you getting together with new girl...what does she do? She purposely got herself looking all hot to see if she can hoover you back in, and you took it hook line and sinker. You are being played. She's working on getting you to dump this new girl. Oh yes and once you do that and you are back slobbering all over your ex, she's got her ego boost...mess with your head for a little while, and most likely ditch you.

[Radarsat]

Me (male) and my ex girlfriend aren’t together for about 9 months and I’m in another relationship for about 8 months with my current girlfriend. I know I jumped in that relationship a little bit too quick, but whatever. The relationship between me and my ex has always been nice. We didn’t argue that much, we did had our differences but nothing to bad. We broke things off after dating for almost a year and a half, because I was losing feelings for her. We were in a little rut and it was a relationship with a routine. I did still love her when we ended things, but I didn’t know if it was the same as in the beginning. I never did anything to keep that spark in the relationship and I knew that it was my fault to let something like that and her slip through my hands (I never cheated on her). <snip>

 

You definitely need some good old fashioned karma come your way. You're exactly what gives men a bad name and why women are so nervous to trust men. Screw you man. Grow up and stop messing with peoples emotions. You're a disgrace to decent men. Go find a brothel will ya?

Edited August 31, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate full quote

[Confused142]

Break up with your current GF. You said yourself you don't care enough about her. You already cheated on her. You plan to cheat on her more. Why or why do you think it's OK to keep her around under those circumstances? Would you want somebody to do that to you.

 

What you do with your EX is entirely up tp you. But if a little thing like a "rut" caused you to lose feelings how can you now say she's the love of your life. What are you going back to if your EX said she has no more feelings for you and didn't even feel anything after sex? Why would your EX take back the guy who dumped her who she now knows is a cheater?

 

I do care about my girlfriend and I love her. She does everything for me. I was tipsy when I said that I don’t really care about her. As I said earlier I don’t know if drunk people spill the truth tho. What I do know after this is that I don’t really care about her feelings. It’s really mixed. I do love and care about her but I don’t care about her feelings. My girlfriend is gonna leave me if she finds out about this. Not only am I cheating on her but with my ex as well. I don’t know if my ex will ever have feelings for me again. The agreement is still there and I know that we will hook up again. But if we keep hooking up I know that there is a chance that the feelings will come back at both parties.

[Confused142]

You don't love your current girlfriend. Break up with her. At least have the integrity to do the right thing by her if you are too much of a coward to tell her the truth. Your girlfriend deserves to be with someone that is 100% emotionally, mentally and physically committed to her.

 

I'm not even sure why your ex wants to be with you. You are all about instant gratification. You left her because you weren't feeling it with her. Then you met your current girlfriend. Now you are not feeling it with her and jumping to your ex.

 

Stop playing with people's lives. Grow up.

 

I know what I’m doing isn’t right. I even know what the outcome can be, but I hope that my ex isn’t gonna do me dirty and tell my girlfriend everything. She should know truth tho, but I don’t want to lose her as well. I know that my ex doesn’t want to be with me seriously. Just an occasional hook up and the worse part about it is that I’m up for it too. But I have found myself in a serious triangle. Where I don’t really know what to do.

[Confused142]

Your ex is playing a game on you...it's a power game. She got butt hurt over you getting together with new girl...what does she do? She purposely got herself looking all hot to see if she can hoover you back in, and you took it hook line and sinker. You are being played. She's working on getting you to dump this new girl. Oh yes and once you do that and you are back slobbering all over your ex, she's got her ego boost...mess with your head for a little while, and most likely ditch you.

 

I’m not sure if it’s all a game on her side. When we spoke afterwards we also talked about my current relationship and she seemed genuinely happy for me and wants me to find my happiness, but I think that she doesn’t really understand why I’m exactly in a relationship when I’m behaving like this. She did ask me but I don’t really know how to respond to that question. She always always asks those hard questions.. but she is also very smart.. one of the smartest girls/people I know. So that could be a little bit dangerous. My ex is someone who is always looking hot even without doing too much. So that she was ‘purposely’ looking hot for me isn’t true (it was also carnaval so people do a little bit extra for those things). It was such a coincidence that we bumped in to eachother as well I didn’t even know that she was going to be there. If the end result is that I’m dumping my current girlfriend or she will find out about it and dump me, I know that the feelings I once had for my ex can come back. But I don’t know if she would be open for it.

[Confused142]

You definitely need some good old fashioned karma come your way. You're exactly what gives men a bad name and why women are so nervous to trust men. Screw you man. Grow up and stop messing with peoples emotions. You're a disgrace to decent men. Go find a brothel will ya?

 

Maybe karma will come bite me in the ass. But for now I’m just winging it and see how this will alll play out.

[Zahara]

I know what I’m doing isn’t right. I even know what the outcome can be, but I hope that my ex isn’t gonna do me dirty and tell my girlfriend everything. She should know truth tho, but I don’t want to lose her as well. I know that my ex doesn’t want to be with me seriously. Just an occasional hook up and the worse part about it is that I’m up for it too. But I have found myself in a serious triangle. Where I don’t really know what to do.

 

Quit the “I love and care” for my girlfriend. This is all about you and how to best serve your wants and needs. You weren’t feeling it with gf#1 so you jumped to gf#2, now you’re not feeling it with gf#2, so you’re hot for gf#1.

 

Love is not dishonesty, lies, infidelity, deceit. You don’t care or love your girlfriend. You just “love” what you get from her. Your “love” is shallow and superficial. You like what it does for you. The benefits you get from being with her. But true, genuine love and care for her - no. Your love is based on a foundation of lies/deceit and the intent to keep building on it..

 

This thread is all about you and how you can get the best of both worlds with total disregard as to how it is damaging another. A cake eater.

 

As everyone has said here, let your girlfriend go. Stop being selfish. You don’t have the emotional and mental maturity to be in a committed relationship. Your callous disregard for your girlfriend is disturbing. I feel so sorry for her that she wakes up daily thinking she’s in a loving and honest relationship but only to be ignorant to the fact that she’s being deceived.

Edited September 1, 2018 by Zahara

[smackie9]

Well it all comes down to this. You still have unresolved feelings for your ex, and you are being totally unfair to your GF. You are not emotionally ready to be in a relationship. How would you like it if your GF was still lusting and trying to hook up with her ex? Learn to put yourself in other's shoes for a different perspective. Learn empathy, and respect.....stop having tunnel vision....there are others around you that are being affected by this, and it can have some serious consequences.

[biswadeepmondal]

Dude, listen you have already ****ed it up, your best shot is to be honest with yourself and feelings, as you sow so shall you reap, remove sex and hotness from head and see which girl genuinely cares for you and whom you feel like being with irrespective of hotness, Actuallyr karma is just sitting there and mocking at you current confused situation. You have put yourself in this and now only you can get yourself out after learning your lessons. Hypothetically think, now if you dump your current gf and go back to ex, it will harm your reputation more and your ex will surely judge you how shallow and disloyal you are for leaving someone for getting better deal elsewhere, and will know what a pig you that you may leave her again in future perhaps for someone new. So think from head and heart and not from your dick. Hope you will learn from this and grow up.

[elaine567]

Neither girl really ticks all the boxes for you hence why you are confused.

Girl #1 got "boring", girl #2 was the rebound.

 

Girl #1

"Illicit sex" is exciting, but a regular relationship and sex with girl#1 will get you back to that "boring" place again, so do not go there. You also have a woman who no doubt got terribly hurt by you when you split, so that may prove to be a "difficult" relationship if you do decide to go down that path. Women have very good memories..

 

Girl #2

Rebounds are great for getting you over heart ache, but she is not "good enough" hence why you did not hesitate when the opportunity arose to cheat on her...

 

Time to go look for pastures new.

[smackie9]

Last post was almost a month ago...the OP is long gone.

[kendahke]

Anytime someone says they're confused, it's because there is someone else they'd rather be with, but they're not available at the moment. Instead, they're with the rebound who doesn't quite do it for them, but they're a warm body keeping them from being alone. They mark time with rebound until the one they really want to be with comes on the market again.

 

she asked me why I was in a relationship but I didn’t know how to answer that.

 

I do... it's because you can't tolerate being out of a relationship. You're using the rebound girl to bide time until your ex comes 'round.

 

I still wanted to have sex with my ex while sober. So we met up and end up having sex. I was really enjoying it. I even missed it with my ex.

 

My ex later on said ‘The fact that you had sex with an ex says a lot too, you don’t care about you girlfriend’. I know that I didn’t really care about the feelings of my current girlfriend.

 

Yep--that much is clear.

 

My ex and I made a deal that we both say nothing about it to other people because I will get in a lot of trouble. I don’t want my current girlfriend to find out about it.

 

Do everyone a favor--break up with your current girlfriend. If you're at the point where you're cheating on her, then do everyone a huge favor and end it.

 

 

I’m very happy with my current girlfriend I love her and that’s what I also told my ex.

 

Nope. That's a lie. If this was really true, this conversation and the sex with the ex wouldn't be happening. But you've re-leased a large section of your intimacy back out to your ex and only your current girlfriend should be there.

[JS84]

You seem to have a very ****ed up notion of what it means to love and care about someone and how you should treat them. Do your girlfriend a favor and break up with her. As for your ex to me it sounds like she's playing you. But honestly you deserve a good dose of karma. Stop being a douchebag and grow up. Good luck.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Break up with your current GF. You said yourself you don't care enough about her. You already cheated on her. You plan to cheat on her more. Why or why do you think it's OK to keep her around under those circumstances? Would you want somebody to do that to you.

 

What you do with your EX is entirely up tp you. But if a little thing like a "rut" caused you to lose feelings how can you now say she's the love of your life. What are you going back to if your EX said she has no more feelings for you and didn't even feel anything after sex? Why would your EX take back the guy who dumped her who she now knows is a cheater?

 

I agree. You are being extremely selfish by leading on your gf when you know you don't love her and even cheated on her. I would be devastated if someone did what you are doing to your gf. Let her find a man who will love her and won't be sleeping around w/his ex gf.