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Anyone have friends or family who knew of your partners affair and DIDN'T tell you?


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 26th February 2018, 8:29 AM   #1
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Anyone have friends or family who knew of your partners affair and DIDN'T tell you?

In my case it was my GF and BFF

How did they justify it?
How did you react when you found out?
Whats your relationship with them now?
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Old 26th February 2018, 9:20 AM   #2
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Let me guess, you’re still with your cheating partner?
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Old 26th February 2018, 10:10 AM   #3
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Yes, I discovered months after the fact that my ex-boyfriend's best friend knew he was being unfaithful.

We had already broken up by the time I found that out, so I didn't really react. I let it be known I was disappointed he hadn't clued me in (we had become friends too, so I thought) but that was the extent of it. He didn't attempt to justify it, and I didn't ask for a justification. It was already over.

I have no relationship with either of them today.
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Old 26th February 2018, 10:41 AM   #4
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Ouch... I'm sorry.
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Old 26th February 2018, 11:53 AM   #5
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When my brother had a affair we all knew and didn't feel comfortable telling his GF. TBH it wasn't any of our business. BUT I did lectured my brother about it a couple of times. I told him I wasn't covering for him anymore so he better get his act together. His GF was very hurt when she found out that we knew. Then she thought about it and realized that it would have ruined our relationship with my brother. She would have kept her mouth shut too if it was her brother.
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Old 26th February 2018, 12:10 PM   #6
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After I discovered my wife’s affair I learned that one of her girlfriends knew about the affair. I was also friends with this girl, and I’ve pretty much hated her ever since I found out she knew. The weird thing was that I eventually reconciled with my wife and forgave my wife, but I’ve never been able to get back on good terms with the friend.

In my case though, I don’t think it was just the fact that the friend knew. She seemed to live vicariously threw my wife’s affair and they would discuss all the gory details. She also seemed to encourage the affair, and after it was out in the open she seemed to be encouraging my wife to leave me.

I’ve thought a lot about what I would do if a close friend or family member was having an affair and I found out about it. I’m pretty sure I would go to my family/friend and give them an ultimatum—either you come clean or I’m going to say something.

So many people say, “it’s none of my business.” If you were walking down the street and a person was hit by a car and bleeding out on the sidewalk, would you just step over them, and go on with your day and say, “none of my business.” I would hope that most people would just be a decent human being and help even a stranger out.
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Old 26th February 2018, 12:38 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Popsicle View Post
Let me guess, you’re still with your cheating partner?
NO. But good guess
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Old 26th February 2018, 12:46 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Be_Strong View Post
After I discovered my wife’s affair I learned that one of her girlfriends knew about the affair. I was also friends with this girl, and I’ve pretty much hated her ever since I found out she knew. The weird thing was that I eventually reconciled with my wife and forgave my wife, but I’ve never been able to get back on good terms with the friend.

In my case though, I don’t think it was just the fact that the friend knew. She seemed to live vicariously threw my wife’s affair and they would discuss all the gory details. She also seemed to encourage the affair, and after it was out in the open she seemed to be encouraging my wife to leave me.

I’ve thought a lot about what I would do if a close friend or family member was having an affair and I found out about it. I’m pretty sure I would go to my family/friend and give them an ultimatum—either you come clean or I’m going to say something.

So many people say, “it’s none of my business.” If you were walking down the street and a person was hit by a car and bleeding out on the sidewalk, would you just step over them, and go on with your day and say, “none of my business.” I would hope that most people would just be a decent human being and help even a stranger out.


Wow, your wife's friend sounds exactly like my ex's best friend. her friend went as far as allowing my ex to use her house to cheat with whoever she had brought back from the bar while on "Girls's night".


I hated her after I found out. She even went as far as to tell my ex "silly girl, haven't I taught you to delete your texts after your done" because I had caught her with texts from another guy. to this day when I see her in public I fantasize about kicking her in the throat lol


All joking aside, it really makes you feel attacked, betrayed, backstabbed and the list goes on when you find out someone else was helping your partner cheat, let alone encouraging it.


The funny thing is, I know this woman was cheating on her husband too while they were taking weekend trips together...but I never told her husband..cause well...I didn't care enough about him or her to tell them. She knows I know and could tell him at any time...that's good enough for me.
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Old 26th February 2018, 9:45 PM   #9
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It's a real slippery slope and it probably depends a lot on the relationship. If I knew my BIL was cheating on my sister, I would probably tell her; however, if it was my sister cheating on her husband, I don't know that I'd tell my BIL, but I would likely give my sister some what-for, for doing it. In many cases, it isn't your business and relationships can be damaged. What is your hill to die on? Obviously I would be very hurt if my sister or best friend knew of my boyfriend's/husband's infidelity, and it would damage our relationship for not telling me. However, if one of HIS friends knew, it would still damage the relationship, but this is his friend and I'm not nearly as close to that person. I would likely lose them in the divorce anyway. Even in getting back together, that friendship with the friend/family member wouldn't ever be the same, but I would think understandable. I don't know how things would work out if my sister went and told my husband about my wayward ways if I were cheating...I think it would break us.

It's a tough choice to make and you have to accept the consequences, even if you're absolutely right in doing what you did.

ENCOURAGING and HELPING is a completely other can o' worms. That would really stink!
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Old 27th February 2018, 4:52 AM   #10
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She cheated and everyone knew

I had been married for six or seven years. We both had full time jobs and side gigs. Things were not the best I'll admit. I always stayed with in boundaries.

She asked permission to quit her job and go back to school. Being the good husband I agreed to pick up the bills and let her pursue another career.

A buddy told me why she left her job two years prior. I was stunned. She had an inappropriate relationship at work. I could never get the full details from her job or her. There was a statement she made that barely admitted to any wrong doing. It was full of deceit.

Two years had gone by and finally a friend tells me. Come to find out most everyone knew the reason she left her job but me. I was ripped apart. I felt like my man hood was crushed.

I did try to understand but it just got worse. It ate at my inner being. I resented her for the lies and deceit. She eventually moved out. That was over a year ago.

She served me with divorce papers but hasn't followed through with them. The tide recently turned. I was made aware of a porn video of her on an actual porn site. I had to go through it frame by frame because I was astonished with what I saw. Blew my mind. This video was only three years ago when we were still together. At least it was uploaded then.

I can't get her to admit to any of it. She denies it. She says it's not her. I saw the video it's her. WTF? I can't figure out who the male is either which if I could might be somewhat useful.

Bottom line is this was a worse case scenario for me. It killed my ego and inner soul. I'm still dealing with it. I resent all that knew and didn't tell me. I don't trust anyone. I feel back stabbed and robbed. I think about leaving this area and just going to be a hermit in a whole new place.
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Old 27th February 2018, 9:27 AM   #11
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Wow that's awful Nightstick. I'm sorry to hear that happened. Just remember that when someone chooses to cheat, it says nothing about you, and everything about them (that they're the scum of the earth!) Be glad you can hold your head high knowing that you're not the one with anything to be ashamed of, and those people will have to live with the shame and guilt for what they did. Be glad you're no longer with this woman.

Have you tried counselling? If not, it might be a good idea to speak to someone.

Maybe a move to a new city WILL do you a world of good.

Last edited by NomiMalone; 27th February 2018 at 9:31 AM..
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Old 27th February 2018, 11:26 AM   #12
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I know of a few of my male friends having affairs on their wives. Biggest problem—they wouldn’t believe me if I told them. They are so in love with their picture perfect life they think they’ve created that they wouldn’t listen and then would hate me. Some people don’t want to know the truth even when it’s smacking them in the face.
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Old 27th February 2018, 3:13 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by Nightstick008 View Post
I had been married for six or seven years. We both had full time jobs and side gigs. Things were not the best I'll admit. I always stayed with in boundaries.

She asked permission to quit her job and go back to school. Being the good husband I agreed to pick up the bills and let her pursue another career.

A buddy told me why she left her job two years prior. I was stunned. She had an inappropriate relationship at work. I could never get the full details from her job or her. There was a statement she made that barely admitted to any wrong doing. It was full of deceit.

Two years had gone by and finally a friend tells me. Come to find out most everyone knew the reason she left her job but me. I was ripped apart. I felt like my man hood was crushed.

I did try to understand but it just got worse. It ate at my inner being. I resented her for the lies and deceit. She eventually moved out. That was over a year ago.

She served me with divorce papers but hasn't followed through with them. The tide recently turned. I was made aware of a porn video of her on an actual porn site. I had to go through it frame by frame because I was astonished with what I saw. Blew my mind. This video was only three years ago when we were still together. At least it was uploaded then.

I can't get her to admit to any of it. She denies it. She says it's not her. I saw the video it's her. WTF? I can't figure out who the male is either which if I could might be somewhat useful.

Bottom line is this was a worse case scenario for me. It killed my ego and inner soul. I'm still dealing with it. I resent all that knew and didn't tell me. I don't trust anyone. I feel back stabbed and robbed. I think about leaving this area and just going to be a hermit in a whole new place.
Why did your friend take so long to tell you?
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Old 27th February 2018, 3:16 PM   #14
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Has anyone bwen in a situation to where YOUR family and parents knew???
My mom did.
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Old 1st March 2018, 1:22 PM   #15
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Anyone have friends or family who knew of your partners affair and DIDN'T tell you?

My gf cheated on me with my bff and some friends and family knew.
[]

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 1st March 2018 at 3:09 PM.. Reason: Topical content
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