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Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 23rd December 2017, 8:31 PM   #1
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So here's the story. Me and my current girlfriend started openly dating about 10 months ago. We told each other it was cool if they the other saw other people as well cause we were just casual. My first encounter with another woman while with her, I could not get erect. I still had sex but with a limp noodle.

I kept dating this same girl and then I met "tried" to have sex with a co-worker 3 times. All 2 times, I could not get erect. This has never happened before. I can only get aroused by my girlfriend.

Anyways, we decided to actually start a relationship in september. About 2 weeks after, I "tried" to have sex with the co-worker again. Same issue, I couldn't get erect. Now, coming out of it being an open relationship, is it normal for there to be some overflow from the casual days? It's like the law of intertia, everything must come to a gradual stop otherwise, it all topples over. Me having trying to have sex with another girl, is that bad?

I'm getting used to the whole relationship aspect. Never growing up around a stable relationship, I never new what one was like until trial and error. I feel guilty also. I've never felt guilty. I really want to stay with this girl and I truly believe she is the one for me. I feel like me trying the other girls was like a test to see if I could enjoy sex with anyone else and honestly, I couldn't. I couldn't even get erect. It was embarrassing to have sex with a limp noodle. I now know that I will never do it again.

She's to great and we fit each other so well but it was hard coming out of my days when I'd be with multiple women at once but I believe that she has made me whole and I want to keep that. I've also heard of a 6 month rule. Where it's the overflow thing. The first 6 months are the period to get it all out because both are still not completely emotionally committed. Especially in the long run, if she's my lifetime partner, the first 6 months are a speck compared to the longevity. And I have mentioned the 6 month rule to her.

Should I tell her about what I did or not? Telling her would be more of a selfish thing for me to do to clear my head but it would devastate her probably.

Last edited by Moderator; 25th December 2017 at 2:56 PM.. Reason: Paragraphs
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Old 23rd December 2017, 9:35 PM   #2
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Okay so... Are you and her still supposed to be in a open relationship, or did that part stop? Because I am confused on why you are afraid to tell her this if the relationship is open.

If you have now agreed to be exclusive, and you don't have performance issues with her, I don't see the need to discuss it. Maybe she is simply the only one who really turns you on. It's not a medical problem unless it's happening with her also.

Or if you were cheating when this happened, very well could be guilt. Simple fix... Don't cheat then weather or not you want to discuss the cheating with her, that's up to you.
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Old 24th December 2017, 2:06 PM   #3
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Open relationships can be OK if you have a lot of Honesty and communication.

You have neither. You are asking us to give you a definition when the name speaks for itself.

The only thing that is certain is that you lack the necessary emotional skills to carry on with an open relationship with anyone The whole concept of open relationships is Trust.

This far you have not proven yourself to be very trustworthy. Your questioning of whether you should be honest with her or not is pretty indicative of where your head is at...which is firmly planted up your ass.

In the spirit of the season I am going to give you the best gift you will get, and that is some strong, sage advice...


Happy Holidays.
I promise henceforth, to be nice....until the time that I'm not so nice again. Then I'll be nice again for a brief period of time.

Last edited by Moderator; 25th December 2017 at 2:57 PM.. Reason: Redact full quote of starting post and redact language
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Old 25th December 2017, 2:19 PM   #4
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Commitment is new stuff for you right I get it. Obviously you can't seem the shake your fat ego and had to go out and have sex with the coworker again. You just had to prove you still can plow.....your plan didn't work, so now you are stuck with guilt and trying to figure yourself out.

I think you need to man up and have a conversation with your GF. Gently tell her what happen, and that you are still adjusting being in a committed relationship. Ask her for some guidance on what you can do to make it up to her, or maybe you both could use a break to sort out things.

It's going to come out eventually so would you rather she finds out through someone else or from you?

The selfish thing to do is not tell her. Wouldn't you want to know if she was trying to get it from a coworker?

You are a fool if you believe that having each others passwords = trust.

Last edited by smackie9; 25th December 2017 at 2:23 PM..
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Old 25th December 2017, 2:58 PM   #5 Moderator Moderator
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Looks like another one post disappearing new member so I'll close this up pending their return.
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