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Battling insecurity with first love?

Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 3rd January 2017, 8:08 PM   #1
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Battling insecurity with first love?

So I met my girlfriend about 1 year ago. We totally hit it off, and have had absolutely 0 fights. We say we love each other all the time, and I let her know how much I appreciate her. There's a mutual respect and trust in our relationship, and all the actions and feelings are completely reciprocated. She tells me and shows me how much I've impacted her life (in a positive way) and that I'm the man of her dreams and she see's a real future with me.

I've really been trying to be the perfect man for her. I display confidence, always take care of my looks and hygiene, I go to the gym and stay healthy, I'm organized and always clean after myself, I'm selfless, funny, thoughtful, I have a deep drive and passion for what I want to do, I care for her deeply, I use common sense and I'm really talented in music. I like to think of myself as a total catch! We share a ton of interests, and conversations are always lively because we also have our little differences. We share morals, values, and life goals however, which I think is important in a long term relationship.

I want us to work so badly, because she's truly the first girl I've ever fallen in love with. She means so much to me, and I've told her and shown her. I know I mean equally as much to her, and that she can't live without me; that I'm the perfect and only man for her.

This is where I beat myself up.

I don't know if this is just insecurity starting to get to me, but deep down inside, I'm beginning to wonder if this is all too good to be true. I love her and she loves me. I haven't given her any reason to cheat, I'm faithful and I make her incredibly happy, but we've never talked about cheating, so I can't help but wonder. She started a group project with this guy in class, and I thought nothing of it. they're classmates, I get it. but he's been texting her a lot lately, and she keeps texting back. He knows I'm dating her, but he still talks to her, she still talks to him, and I have not clue what about. Could be completely innocent. I don't want to snoop around, because I trust her, but I low-key have my suspicions. I'm way better than him in every way, I know that for sure, but I can't help but feel a little off!!! She HATES being mean to people and saying 'no', and also hates confrontation and problems. My fear is that out of impulsiveness, or sheer "trying to be nice", she will cheat on me.

I know I need to change my view on it, but this is my first experience falling in love. I know I'm probably being irrational and insecure, but what should I do? talk to her about it? not bring it up and forget it? talk to the guy?

sorry for the long read, but thanks for the help, really REALLY appreciate it

Last edited by Tyrell; 3rd January 2017 at 8:10 PM.. Reason: Grammer
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Old 3rd January 2017, 9:01 PM   #2
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A few thoughts
  • You can't "give someone reasons to cheat". If they do it's on them
  • You're not "better" than this other guy. I'm sure you're a great guy. But that's not a healthy way of thinking of yourself.
  • You're both pretty young, first serious relationship. I hate to break it to you, but only a tiny minority of people end up staying in their first RS. If it happens for you, great!
  • Look, there's nothing you can do to prevent her from cheating. Now you have nothing to substantiate your worries. Put them aside, enjoy the RS for what it is. Believe me, all cheaters eventually get caught, if she'd cheat, you'd find out soon enough.
  • Cheating is not something you have to worry about preemptively
  • Knock off the suspicions and give your GF a chance to prove that she's loyal.
  • If you look cool and confident she may open up about this dude and their texting
  • When you become insecure it'll show and she might start to lose attraction precisely because of this
  • This still wouldn't make it your fault if she ends up cheating, but why even go there?
I don't read posts with full quotes > 10 lines.
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Old 4th January 2017, 12:36 AM   #3
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All girls talk to guys, work with guys, being around guys. The very fact that she talks to a guy in the class, doesn't mean anything. SO, the number 1 threat to your relationship is not "her possible cheating", but "your basic attitude". If you don't treat that, you'll ruin your relationship anyway.

How should you treat yourself? It's hard work and I don't think a general advice in this forum can replace consulting a pro.

Last edited by lolablue17; 4th January 2017 at 12:56 AM..
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Old 4th January 2017, 4:06 PM   #4
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Thanks for the help
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