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She still talks to her ex and is going to his house to get her stuff, is that ok ?

tito1501

By tito1501
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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tito1501 Established Member

tito1501

Posted
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Me and this girl are having a relationship for 2 months and a half now. We are both 23 years old.

 

She broke up with her ex-boyfriend 6 months ago; after three months she met me and since then we are together. So far everything is going well.

 

The issue is, yesterday she sent me a screenshot of her Skype conversation with me because my face was funny on the webcam. Surprisingly, I saw that in the 'recent conversations' on her account there was my name and after me there was the name of her ex-boyfriend.

 

What I did? I asked her what was that about. She said that last week she sent him a birthday wish and normally they talk flat conversations such as "how are you?" "how is your family/company going?"

 

I told her I wasn't ok with that kind of situation and she replied to me that there is no big deal in talking with ex-boyfriend as she always kept friendship with her ex-boyfriends and there is nothing special on it, especially because they a story together and it is stupid to pretend that this person does not exist.

 

On top of that, she said that she still needs to go to his place when she goes back to her country (we are both living in a different country due to exchange) in order to get her clothes that were kept there.

 

My question is, and I really need wise advice as I am very confuse, is that a normal situation ? Should I accept it or not ?

 

Thank you !

veggirl Established Member

veggirl

Posted
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Why can't he mail the clothes?

 

IMO if you are going to be friends with an ex, it certainly isn't going to be RIGHT AFTER a break up...they've prob been talking this whole time. How long were they together?

 

I can see being friendly w/ an ex after you've both 100% moved on but doing it this quickly after a break up is VERY suspect.

  • Like 1
twosadthings Established Member

twosadthings

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It's my opinion and many disagree, but staying in contact with or seeing a person you have been intimate with is disrespectful to the person with whom you are in a committed relationship. This especially applies to, unless it is unplanned and unavoidable, introducing a new partner to an old one. It can't be pleasant to shake the hand of someone that has had them all over your love.

 

 

Just sayin',

 

 

Twosadthings

  • Like 5
No Limit Established Member

No Limit

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She keeps all her exes as friends?

Run boy run! :laugh:

  • Like 2
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tito1501 Established Member

tito1501

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Ok guys...I understand all your help, I dont really wanna be the blind guy. However, dont you think that it is a really Good point that she is honest with me?

 

If there was something wrong going on, dont you think she could just ommit that?

lolablue17 Established Member

lolablue17

Posted
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No one can decide for you what makes you comfortable or not.

 

But you better establish an opinion of what you're comfortable and what you're not. Because you're not comfortable with her visiting him, but you also weren't comfortable with her even sending him a BD wish.

 

After you decide it doesn't mean she'll agree to all. But the test is "is she willing to go some way towards you?" If she agrees to go half way to make you comfortable, it's a good sign. If she doesn't change anything, not willing to give up anything, it's not a good sign. It means she doesn't really care for you.

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Until you mentioned that you are both in a different country I didn't initially understand why she didn't already have her stuff if they broke up 6 months ago. The answer is logistics.

 

Since he's the guy back home & you are the guy she dated while in a foreign country I would keep my eyes & ears open & guard your heart. This arrangement screams "exotic foreign fling" to me & they will get back together as soon as the distance is closed.

 

Enjoy it while it lasts.

  • Like 1
Spectre Established Member

Spectre

Posted
Posted (edited)
Ok guys...I understand all your help, I dont really wanna be the blind guy. However, dont you think that it is a really Good point that she is honest with me?

 

If there was something wrong going on, dont you think she could just ommit that?

 

Here is the problem with your logic. Honestly is neither good nor bad, it just IS. See you can see a big problem with relationships in general when you see people just so utterly happy that their partner respected them enough to be honest with them. For me, honesty should be a given, a person doesn't get brownie points just for doing what they should be doing. That is basically like if I work a job and get a certain wage and then I ask for extra money merely for doing the things already expected of me.

 

The problem isn't that she was honest with you, the problem is she thinks it is okay to apparently stay in touch with ALL her ex boyfriends.

 

She's only been apart from this guy for 6 months and with you for 3 months and yet she is still wishing dude "birthday wishes" ?

 

Also he is in another country. So did they break up just to break up or did they break up because she came to this country? Did they break up WHILE they were long distance? Because holy cow if they did and she is going back to the country? Yeah, her going to see him is a bad idea if they did not break up in person and are now seeing each other.

 

I assume when she goes back to her home country she has SOME place to stay, right? So why can't the guy drop all her stuff off there, before she even gets there? It should be alarming to you if she tries to say it is IMPOSSIBLE for her to get her stuff without seeing this man she used to bone.

Edited by Spectre
  • Like 1
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Tell her you are not comfortable with her seeing him right now. Offer to pay postage to have her stuff sent to her. If she declines, red flag. Also she has been without that stuff for 6 months are the clothes really that important?

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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It's bs......I doubt her clothes are still there, she wants to see him again and wanted to have a legitimate excuse to go. 3 months after a breakup is too soon to get involved in a serious relationship.You just might be a rebound. It wouldn't surprise me that she dumps you or acts weird when she gets back. To me this is inappropriate to hop on a plane or train to get clothes from an ex BF.

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minime13 Established Member

minime13

Posted
Posted
Ok guys...I understand all your help, I dont really wanna be the blind guy. However, dont you think that it is a really Good point that she is honest with me?

 

If there was something wrong going on, dont you think she could just ommit that?

 

How do you know she's being honest with you?

 

You just have to trust that she is.

 

However, that is kind of moot. What bothers me about her attitude is that you told her something you were uncomfortable with (which it is very reasonable to be uncomfortable about her still talking to her last ex), and she didn't even talk to you about it. She basically told you, in a nice way, to deal with it.

 

First - are you okay with just dealing with it? Second - are you okay with her dismissing your questions with a "deal with it" attitude instead of talking it out with you like a partner should?

  • Like 1
Lois_Griffin Established Member

Lois_Griffin

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Ok guys...I understand all your help, I dont really wanna be the blind guy. However, dont you think that it is a really Good point that she is honest with me?

She was only 'honest' with you because you saw her ex's name in the RECENT CHAT LIST. Not because she's a saint. Jeez.

 

I've remained friends with my ex's, as well. If they need computer help or maybe a file I still have on my computer, they'll reach out to me (or have in the past) and I've been willing to help them.

 

But I don't conduct somewhat regular chats on Skype with them, for God's sakes.

  • Like 2
Lois_Griffin Established Member

Lois_Griffin

Posted
Posted
Tell her you are not comfortable with her seeing him right now. Offer to pay postage to have her stuff sent to her. If she declines, red flag. Also she has been without that stuff for 6 months are the clothes really that important?

I completely agree with this. She's managed to go without these clothes for 6 whole months, yet she has to pick them up in person?

 

Gimme a break.

  • Like 1
No Limit Established Member

No Limit

Posted
Posted
Ok guys...I understand all your help, I dont really wanna be the blind guy. However, dont you think that it is a really Good point that she is honest with me?

 

If there was something wrong going on, dont you think she could just ommit that?

 

Many affairs are covered as friendships. I even remember a guy whose story was exactly like yours, she went over just to get a few things - and returned piss poor drunk with a "confession"; days later they also found out she was pregnant (though that turned out good for the guy, cause after he left her he met his now-wife and they've been happily together for almost 2 decades). So no, "honesty" doesn't mean anything.

  • Like 1
rocketman122 Established Member

rocketman122

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very suspicious behavior. if shes honest and open and transparent, ask to see the conversation on skype.

 

I dont have any contact with any woman (ex or no ex) out of respect to my lady and I demand the same. if she does have contact with men then I will have contact with women and she will not like it.

 

there will always be sexual tension between them two because they were intimate and are comfortable to talk freely about everything since theyve been past the formal stage.

 

ask to see the skype chat or go get the clothes yourself or even with her. if she doesnt allow or says she erased then its very suspicious. ask he if she was in your situation would she be ok with that? she will play it off as yea sure, but see the chat and then see what you think.

 

I dont see why he cant send it to her or have her mom go? when I had a break with my lady we sent our things to one another through the post office.

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