carowill Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 As I read these posts, I am comforted by the fact that I am not alone....but at the same time I'm sad that an unbelieveable event has brought me here. I found out yesterday that my college sweetheart/husband of 9 years has been messing around with his secretary. He and I have always had a wonderful, loving relationship. Very trusting. Our sex life was great and we have 2 beautiful toddlers with the hopes of having a third ( God, please don't let me be pregnant right now). I never thought in a million years I'd be seeking help for a cheating husband. I'm numb.....haven't eaten.....haven't slept.....but I have to get my self up to take care of my two kids. My chest feels like it's caving in and I feel oh so alone. I really have no one to vent to and I feel like I'm going to explode. I don't know what I'm looking for here........just a friend. Someone who has been through a similar situation that i can chat with. You all seem to be such stong people. Help! Link to post Share on other sites
iceprincess Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 *hug* Even though I've never been in your situation, reading your thread made so sad. Please don't give up, be strong! There are many help groups out there such as the YWCA. You should maybe consult a lawyer about you and your children's benefits if he decides to leave you alone to raise them. I can tell that you love and care very much about your children and that you've kept yourself together for them. I know I haven't really helped with any advice, but keep holding on.... Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 I'm so sorry I understand that although you know you're not the only person who has endured this, and you will not be the last.... when you are in the eye of the storm, nothing else really matters. I have been there..... same story almost. Except my husband and I got married almost right out of high school. I really believe that had a lot to do with what happened... well that and he's an a**hole Seriously though.... we also have 2 little people (the baby wasn't even out of diapers when I found out) of course just like you I was hurt, confused and really p*ssed off. I talked to my husband about it, I screamed, I cried..... we went to counseling.... the therapist couldn't believe it when my husband said "sex is great with my wife, my wife is great, my kids are great.... I just feel like I need to do this for me" he actually told the therapist and me that he thought we could still be married because he said I am his soulmate, but that I needed to be patient and let him do this so he could get it out of his system (again right out of highschool ya know?) Well, I divorced him, I have our little people and I don't regret my decision. I'm not telling you that this is what you need to do, or even that this is what will happen to you.... but I am telling you that this isn't about YOU this is about him, so don't beat yourself up with wondering what you did or didn't do. HE should've talked to you if there was an issue or problem in the marriage NOT cheated on you. You're going to go thru a lot in the next few days, weeks, months.... anger, sadness, depression, questioning your reality.... get family support, support from your friend, this forum (lots of great people here who can and will help you out) Talk to your husband.... is counseling an option? Think about what YOU want to do and what is going to make YOU okay. Please right now, pick up the phone and call someone close to you in your family or a friend..... let them help you out. Link to post Share on other sites
Butchey Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 Sorry to hear about your situation. But you have come to the right place. There are alot of winners here. Not to repeat what has been said but you need to talk and keep talking to get yourself through this. There is plenty of support out there. I'm sure alot of changes are coming your way and I hope you can work out your problems together. Whatever happens will happen for a reason. So stay strong and focused and realize that some day you will be much happier. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 Please check out my link in my signature. It might help you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author carowill Posted September 22, 2004 Author Share Posted September 22, 2004 A huge thank you to all that have posted with words of encouragement! My situation is a tad different in the sence that my H admitted everything once I found a greeting card from the woman. Alcohol was involved....which is definately not an excuse. He says he is sorry and sickened by what he did and wants me and only me. Fortunately, he only kissed her, but that's still hurtfull to me and unacceptable. I'm so hurt that someone else got what is mine, even if it was just for a moment. I've decided to TRY to work through this and try what I can to save my marriage. I believe in my vows. Even though right now when ever I look at him, I see her face and I couldn't even THINK of being intimate right now......I'm going to see if we can work it out. Counciling is definately on the horizon. I also agree with some of you that I should talk with a close friend or family member. That's hard because everyone saw our relationship as ideal. I talked to my husband about this and he said that I can tell whom ever I want if it means he won't loose me. I told him that people were going to think he was an a**hole, etc. and he didn't care just as long as I try to work through this with him. I also asked him if something was missing in his life that he felt he needed to do this to me. He said, no, that it was purely a huge mistake and something he will regret for the rest of his life. I will need strengh and lots of support that seems very abundant on this site. Thank you all so much and I hope to keep talking with you. Link to post Share on other sites
mudobber Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 Good for you on your excellent communications with him. You let him know that he put a knife in your heart, and being that he loves you… he does not want to hurt you. Good for him on not trying to wiggle out of it but coming on honestly and strait forward. Good for you on your being forgiving. Relationships are so fragile these days so hang on tooth and nail. Link to post Share on other sites
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