crazeemohfoh Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 My bf and I have been together for a year now. It's been a great year, ups and downs of course, and we've grown to love each other very much. My bf travels for a living, which makes our time together very intimate and important. Recently, and I hate to say this, I saw his fb messages when he came back from 3 months of being away. He was talking with some girl he met over a year ago in his travels, before we were together. She lives in South Africa, where he's never been to. He asked her if he could visit her in December. Obviously it never happened. They don't seem to have consistent communication with each other, but it's clear to me that whatever flame he had for her over a year a ago is still burning. He has mentioned her before, he spent over a grand to visit her in the Middle East so he could shack it up with her, only to be turned down. And I don't think he's completely healed from that experience. I wonder if this is a classic case of the "one who got away." It makes me shudder! I hate this feeling. Like I said before, they don't keep In touch regularly, probably say hi every few months, so what's with wanting to see her again even though she's rejected him, and now he's with me? He doesn't know I know this much... How do I communicate my concerns with him? Help? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 You ask "what's up with South African girl?" Use her name; I put that in because I don't know her name. Just ask some general questions about her & whether he'd like to visit her country. Gauge his reaction. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BOREDouttaMymind Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 "theres something im worried about, but I want to trust you, so can you just tell me about your relationship with 'so and so'?" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Or you could put toothpaste in his shoes. I don't actually recommend this. I just thought the other two answers on the thread nailed it. So I'm giving another option. Sort of like on Family Feud when option 6 is when 2 people said "watching lobsters fight" as their favorite weekend activity and everyone else in the audience goes, "WTF, who are those guys?" Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 Being with you for a year, he certainly shouldn't be asking other girls to visit for a holiday alone. He should be saying "can my gf and I come visit you sometime?" Recommend what the others said. Ask him what's up, calmly and politely. Judge his expression, attitude and body language more than his words. 90% of human communication is non-verbal. Link to post Share on other sites
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