guilty4noreason Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Ok so I think I messed up but I'm not sure and I need advise. I've been with my boyfriend for about 5 months. Everything is great! But I felt like I was spending everyminute with him and neglecting my friends and he knew that. I also have been feeling that what he says he feels for me is not real or hes just in lust because I'm his first girlfriend and he has no one to compare me to and I get worried because I know how I feel and I'm scared he'll meet something better or wnat to get out there and experience life since he's so young and were so serious right now. But w/e point is he was home sick and it was my guy friends b-day and he was throwing a party. I asked my bf if I could go and he said yes so I passed by his house dropped off some medicine for him and left to the party. Well I got drunk off my a** thinking about all my problems and well while I was dancing with the b-day boy he grabbed me and kissed me and I let him but then I pushed him off and told him never again and left the party. It's monday now and I haven't told my bf. I don't want him to flip out even though I didnt do anything I know he will get mad. I'm his first love and I don't want him to look at me differently. I am strong believer in open communication but also that there are some things you just don't tell. Should I tell him about the kiss or not? Don't want to mess up a good thing but guilt is eating me up inside!! Help Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Hello, This is just my opinion but you should tell him and I think you know this. You went to a party, got drunked and allowed yourself to kiss another guy. You have been with your boyfriend for over 5 months. Either you have an open and honest relationship or you don't. If you have respect for your boyfriend then you need to be upfront with him and discuss your problems. You are his girlfriend and you willingly kissed another guy. Clearly your boyfriend deserves to know this. I think you need to stop making excuses and be honest with him. Either you are an honest person or not. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Pained Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Technically you did do something wrong. You got drunk and let a guy kiss you. Yes, you did push him off, but I would recommend not drinking when you go to parties anymore, or at least knowing your limit. That being said, I don't think you should necessarily tell your boyfriend. 1) You WERE drunk, and your morals were compromised to a degree and 2) You DID push the guy off and tell him no. I think you should also work on things with your boyfriend and see if there are any other issues that might have affected your judgment. Link to post Share on other sites
guilty4noreason Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 I know I did kinda do something wrong and the kiss meant nothing and i did push him off.. Some of my friends are saying somethings are better left unsaid and that I will only bring him unecessary pain by telling him. I'll lose his trust and have issues that can be avoided, On the other hand, my conscience is driving me insane. Everytime I look at him, and he tells me how happy he is I break down inside. I feel guilty and can't take it. I'm afraid to lose him over this. Or lose the way he looks at me now. I don't want to change the perfect girl image that I have in his eyes. I dont know what to do. Guys if you had this problem would you want to know? Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 I agree you were drunk and you did push him off. But I think your bf has the right to know. How would you feel if that happened to him and you somehow found out later on and he hadn't told you. You would feel like crap. He at least deserves to know and tell him exactly what happened and how you pushed him off. If he loves you he will understand. It would be wrong of you and you should feel guilty if you dont tell him. I think your feleing guilty right now because you havent told him yet. If it wasn't your fault and like your name says 'guilty for no reason' then why havent you told him right away? Why is that? I think you should just tell him and get it over with before it comes back to haunt you. You'll feel better once you've told him. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Normally, I would say don't tell him. But in this case there is a good chance he'll find out anyway. Also, I would have to say that you are somewhat responsible because you lost control of your actions and put yourself in an "inviting" position... Link to post Share on other sites
guilty4noreason Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 I really didn't put my self in an 'inviting' position though. I went to a party with friends ... I never had an attraction to this guy whatsoever. I drank, and was having a good time. I danced a little and then WHAM ... he just planted one on me. I pushed him off, but I feel like I have to tell him. Everyone is telling me not to. Even my mother, and she usually gives the best advise. I feel horrible. I don't know what to do I don't want to lose him. Knowing him, I don't think he'll understand. He has an overactive imagination, and i can tell him that the guy grabbed me, kissed me, and pushed me off, but my BF will sit there and analyze everything 'till it drives him crazy. He'll sit there and think about the guys lips on my lips. and go into detail. Even thought it was innocent on my part, I don't think he will be able to let it go. Now I'm scared If I tell him I lose him, but if I don't tell him I lose my mind! Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 If it's driving you that insane then tell him and get it over with. He WILL get angry. You can't expect him to say oh its ok you pushed him off baby I forgive you. u uh! He's gonna be pi**ed but you give him time to get over it and see what happens. Also what happens if he finds out from someone else and knows the whole time and is waiting for you to tell him and you haven't? Its happened before to people I know. I say think about it really well and talk to a best friend or someone who knows how the both of you guys are together and ask if you should tell or not. Maybe they can give a better insight because they know him as well. Link to post Share on other sites
dudesomewhere Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 but it's usually followed with a lot of sarcasm. In this case I'll be serious. To me it means more. I don't think you really did something wrong...poor judgement, yes. You should tell your bf, but not out of an obligation of guilt. Instead it is something that would reinforce trust between you too. Or maybe it's me, I volunteer information like this. To me it is the wilful sharing of info that means a lot. Things shared that don't come about by coercion or obligation. To me builds a lot of trust. edit: oh yeah, i hope you don't consider this guy a friend anymore. I would never do that to a female friend but if I did slip up...you'd hear me apologize constantly. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 I had a boyfriend of 7 months way back when.... Well, we went to different schools. I was talking to one of my cousin's friends, and telling him that I'd never kissed a guy, and I was 16...bragging about my innocence. Well, he said, "Will you kiss me?" I rolled my eyes at him, then thought it would be funny to kiss him on the cheek *little smart elec me* Well, he turned his head, and kissed me! It was only a lip kiss, but I felt totally AWFUL, because I had never kissed a guy before, and I had never kissed my boyfriend!!!!! So two days later, I told my boyfriend. He said he wasn't mad at me, but he'd kill that guy if he ever found out who he was. Oh well......I'd tell if I were you. Next time, don't get drunk....it makes you look like trash. Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Eh..you got drunk at a party and let your friend kiss you for a minute before you pushed him off? Eh......big...deal.. It's a kiss. Not really a big deal to me. We don't have to tell our significant others EVERYTHING that happens in our life...I don't see this as cheating. Maybe if you went around kissing people all the time you may want to discuss it with your boyfriend if the two of you felt this was cheating but this seems like a one-time thing and trivial. edit: oh yeah, i hope you don't consider this guy a friend anymore. I would never do that to a female friend but if I did slip up...you'd hear me apologize constantly. Heh Maybe I'm from a different crowd but I kissed my friends and never thought anything about it. I love them. What's wrong with a kiss?! Link to post Share on other sites
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