greenfairie Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I'm talking with other guys, flirting as well.. I don't feel bad at all for doing this while dating my boyfriend. I also want to go out with them as friends, no strings attached.. Is that cheating?
Spectre Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I'm not sure if you are exactly cheating, but you are being very disrespectful to your boyfriend. You flirt with other guys and want to date other guys and you don't even feel bad about having these thoughts even though you have a boyfriend. If you actually go out with any of these guys that will be cheating. I feel that you can't really be that into your boyfriend given what you are doing to him..you should probably just break up with him. 1
Author greenfairie Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 I'm not sure if you are exactly cheating, but you are being very disrespectful to your boyfriend. You flirt with other guys and want to date other guys and you don't even feel bad about having these thoughts even though you have a boyfriend. If you actually go out with any of these guys that will be cheating. I feel that you can't really be that into your boyfriend given what you are doing to him..you should probably just break up with him. I agree. I just don't know how to break it off because we're going out on a trip soon and I really don't wanna risk by ruining the entire trip hurting his feelings by breaking up.
Chi townD Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Oh, so you'll go on this trip with him and have a great time. Then, AFTER you get back, THEN break his heart... Makes perfect sense to me!!!! 3
Spectre Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) I agree. I just don't know how to break it off because we're going out on a trip soon and I really don't wanna risk by ruining the entire trip hurting his feelings by breaking up. Cancel the trip, or at the very least let him go by himself if he wants. It will add insult to injury if you wait until after, trust me. I am at least glad that you have enough respect for him to break it off before you let anything happen with these guys. You will see a lot of people here for some reason have a lot of trouble with that concept. Edited November 20, 2013 by Spectre 1
Kate9292 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I'm talking with other guys, flirting as well.. I don't feel bad at all for doing this while dating my boyfriend. I also want to go out with them as friends, no strings attached.. Is that cheating? Depends. Do you desire those guys? Do you want to act on your desires if you go out with them? Maybe tell your bf you want to see other people but still be with him? You don't need to break it off if he will be OK with that. 1
Author greenfairie Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 I bet the trip is on his dime too. Hmm nope. I paid for my hotel room and flight ticket, thank you very much.
Kate9292 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I bet the trip is on his dime too. Wow. You're just jumping to conclusion out of the blue, aren't you? You must have been really hurt in the past. 1
Keenly Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Wow. You're just jumping to conclusion out of the blue, aren't you? You must have been really hurt in the past. By people like you and the OP.
Kate9292 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 By people like you and the OP. What is that supposed to mean?
PegNosePete Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 ^^ Stop the off-topic bickering you two. I just don't know how to break it off "Hey BF, we need to talk. I've had a great time with you, but I don't feel we are a good long term match. I want us to stop seeing each other." 4
Author greenfairie Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 Oh, so you'll go on this trip with him and have a great time. Then, AFTER you get back, THEN break his heart... Makes perfect sense to me!!!! Uhh crap. I feel stupid. I care about him as a person and a friend. My best friend is even telling me, "Don't dump him just yet! You guys had an amazing time here in the US and it's because he's been out of your sight for so long and you'll probably rekindle that on the trip" I'm like ahhhhh. -_____- Stupid Jodi. Stupid Jodi. For real.
d0nnivain Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 How does your BF feel about your actions? If he's OK, leave it alone. Why are you flirting with these other guys & hanging out with them? Do you want to date them or are you just a flirty girl? If you want to date them you need to break up with your BF. I'm flirty & have lots of guys friends. My behavior has made past BFs crazy even when I toned it down. DH doesn't blink an eye. He knows I'm 100% faithful but I am a flirt.
Spectre Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Uhh crap. I feel stupid. I care about him as a person and a friend. My best friend is even telling me, "Don't dump him just yet! You guys had an amazing time here in the US and it's because he's been out of your sight for so long and you'll probably rekindle that on the trip" I'm like ahhhhh. -_____- Stupid Jodi. Stupid Jodi. For real. Even if you do not dump him you at least need to tell him what you're doing. 1
Keenly Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 What is that supposed to mean? It means that the op, and you since you seem to be alright with this, have no concept of loyalty. She also contradicted herself. She wants to go as " friends " but with " no strings attached " which pretty much means if they made a move she would go with it.
Spectre Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Yeah, at the end of the day she needs to move on. I do still commend her though, a lot of people are selfish and won't end a relationship before hooking up with others. It's especially refreshing to see someone on here doing it, since most people really don't(and it is even worse when they try to defend not doing so).
Chi townD Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Uhh crap. I feel stupid. I care about him as a person and a friend. My best friend is even telling me, "Don't dump him just yet! You guys had an amazing time here in the US and it's because he's been out of your sight for so long and you'll probably rekindle that on the trip" I'm like ahhhhh. -_____- Stupid Jodi. Stupid Jodi. For real. Sorry girl! But he's not your friend. I'm pretty sure he did get into a caring and loving relationship with you ONLY for the end result is that he's nothing than a REALLY good friend to you. If you break up with him, you're making the choice to have him out of your life. You'll need to let him go so he can be free to find someone that's going to make him happy. If you want to remain friends with him. Then, you stand a chance of stringing him along with false hope. And that's not fair to him. When you cut ties, you cut ties for good so he can move on and heal from this. But who knows! Perhaps after a year or two, he may be interested in a friendship once all his romantic feelings for you has faded. You need to look at this as a job. You are the employer and you are firing your boyfriend. Basically, you're telling him that his services, as a boyfriend, are no longer required. But, if he wants to come back on Monday and work for free, then you wouldn't be against that. HELL NO! He's going to dust off his resume and look for another job! So, when you pull the trigger, you better be strong enough to walk away for good with the possibility that you may never see him again and not be selfish to string him along. 1
Zahara Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 You have a boyfriend. You posted numerous threads about not being over your ex and still having feelings for him, and now a thread about flirting with other men and wanting to go out with them, and I am sure at some point you'll get physical with these guys. When you care about someone as a person and a friend, you don't treat them this way. He isn't a friend, he's a crutch. He's comfortable. That's all it is. Let the poor guy go. Everything is about you and what you want and what suits you. Who cares about a trip? He'll go and have fun with you, get back, get dumped and have a really difficult time wondering why you both had so much fun only for you to dump him. You see dumpees struggle with that all the time. It's cruel. You've had him hanging on like a puppet through your issues with the ex, and now this. When do you prioritize his feelings? 2
crederer Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I think that the fact you made this thread to begin with you already know it's wrong. 1
Author greenfairie Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 Sorry girl! But he's not your friend. I'm pretty sure he did get into a caring and loving relationship with you ONLY for the end result is that he's nothing than a REALLY good friend to you. If you break up with him, you're making the choice to have him out of your life. You'll need to let him go so he can be free to find someone that's going to make him happy. If you want to remain friends with him. Then, you stand a chance of stringing him along with false hope. And that's not fair to him. When you cut ties, you cut ties for good so he can move on and heal from this. But who knows! Perhaps after a year or two, he may be interested in a friendship once all his romantic feelings for you has faded. You need to look at this as a job. You are the employer and you are firing your boyfriend. Basically, you're telling him that his services, as a boyfriend, are no longer required. But, if he wants to come back on Monday and work for free, then you wouldn't be against that. HELL NO! He's going to dust off his resume and look for another job! So, when you pull the trigger, you better be strong enough to walk away for good with the possibility that you may never see him again and not be selfish to string him along. I agree. I think it just happened all so fast and we became boyfriend/girlfriend after the third weekend spent together which is crazy in my mind but we connected so well. It was only after he left the country to go back home to his home country that I started to feel really down. It got worse until recently that I felt like I needed to go out and just talk with guys so I just downloaded this app, Tinder. It's just really a lot of flirty conversations which makes me more happy weirdly, I haven't talked dirty or sent anything inappropriate. I felt like I got triggered about the entire new relationship I was in and started to miss my ex which explains the numerous threads I posted about not being over my ex, I admit that at least. I really want to be with him but I do have mixed emotions. I just have to wait it out I guess… Thank you for chipping in!
Author greenfairie Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 You have a boyfriend. You posted numerous threads about not being over your ex and still having feelings for him, and now a thread about flirting with other men and wanting to go out with them, and I am sure at some point you'll get physical with these guys. When you care about someone as a person and a friend, you don't treat them this way. He isn't a friend, he's a crutch. He's comfortable. That's all it is. Let the poor guy go. Everything is about you and what you want and what suits you. Who cares about a trip? He'll go and have fun with you, get back, get dumped and have a really difficult time wondering why you both had so much fun only for you to dump him. You see dumpees struggle with that all the time. It's cruel. You've had him hanging on like a puppet through your issues with the ex, and now this. When do you prioritize his feelings? Zahara, you can give me a break about being in a relationship that felt like a marriage to me for five years and for me to switch ALL of my feelings at once or even in a few months AFTER the last contact is really ****ing impossible so maybe give me a little bit of slack please. And yeah, I'm ****ed up. I admit it.
Zahara Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Zahara, you can give me a break about being in a relationship that felt like a marriage to me for five years and for me to switch ALL of my feelings at once or even in a few months AFTER the last contact is really ****ing impossible so maybe give me a little bit of slack please. And yeah, I'm ****ed up. I admit it. The thing is, no one should be victim to YOUR inability to resolve your own feelings and YOUR inability to do the right thing. I've been in long term relationships and even a marriage that ended in divorce. So, I understand the process of healing and getting over it. Just don't use people to help you through that process. And you're blatant about it. You had the audacity to start a thread asking if you would be cheating on your boyfriend? You're not f'd up. You're just selfish. What's even worse, you claim you care for him as a person and a friend. You have a warped sense of what the word "care" means. Don't justify your actions by being the victim here. The only victim is your boyfriend. 3
Author greenfairie Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 The thing is, no one should be victim to YOUR inability to resolve your own feelings and YOUR inability to do the right thing. I've been in long term relationships and even a marriage that ended in divorce. So, I understand the process of healing and getting over it. Just don't use people to help you through that process. And you're blatant about it. You had the audacity to start a thread asking if you would be cheating on your boyfriend? You're not f'd up. You're just selfish. What's even worse, you claim you care for him as a person and a friend. You have a warped sense of what the word "care" means. Don't justify your actions by being the victim here. The only victim is your boyfriend. Yeah, what you just said makes no sense to me. No idea why you would say all of that.
d0nnivain Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 . It got worse until recently that I felt like I needed to go out and just talk with guys so I just downloaded this app, Tinder. It's just really a lot of flirty conversations which makes me more happy weirdly, I haven't talked dirty or sent anything inappropriate. Nope. That is crossing the line. Flirting with the guy at the counter where you buy your lunch is one thing. Using the internet or apps to find men to flirt with is crossing the line. Even if you haven't cheated yet, you WANT to. Whatever the status of your LDR with the guy you will be meeting in NYC, you need to stop stringing him along. Whether it's your EX, the distance or your desire for new men, he's just not doing it for you & needs to be cut loose before you cheat. 1
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