See your partner in this list of Character Disorder red flags?

[Flier]

If you are wondering if you should be putting up with crappy behavior, you might want to read this webpage. I saw so many of my ex fiance's behaviors in this list!! Maybe you will too. The author writes this to women, but it applies to both sexes. Hope it is helpful. I was googling "character disorder" and found this list.

 

Helpful Information from Dr. Kent Griffiths on Character Disorder

 

A few highlights from the list...

 

Self-centeredness. He comes first and foremost. Is insincere about real interest in other people.

 

Another quote from the page:

I always tell people in serious relationships to “date the seasons” – meaning a courtship over time where all sides and moods of the person can be observed. A character-disordered person cannot hide his true core behavior for more than about 6 months. You’ll see “red flags” that will alarm you beyond normal odd behavior that we all have. Do not think that “love conquers all.” You do not have the ability to change or rehabilitate this person, and after awhile you will be unhappy, lonely, if not broken, in this relationship. My advice to you would then be to leave the relationship – for good and quickly.

 

Little if any remorse for mistakes.

 

Tendency to project his own shortcomings on to the world about him – frequent blaming. Never at fault.

 

Gives lip service to professed values and beliefs.

 

Ability to put up a good “front” to impress and exploit others.

 

Ready rationalization – rarely at a loss for words – twists conversation to divorce himself from responsibility. When he is trapped, he just keeps talking or changes the subject, or gets angry.

 

Chronic lying.

 

Glimpses of integrity and emotion are seen – but short lived. Gives you hope he’s changing, but returns soon to deviant behavior.

 

Comes across initially as caring and understanding and reads others “like a book” because he makes his business knowing how to maneuver people.

 

Can show real tenderness of feeling, and then return to customary behaviors. Two (or more) vastly different sides to his personality are seen.

 

Seems to enjoy disturbing others. Likes to agitate and disrupt for no apparent reason.

 

Moody – switches from nice guy to anger without much provocation.

 

Unable to sustain a totally faithful relationship with loved one of the opposite sex. Flirtatious, overly friendly. Make inappropriate sexual comments to/about other women.

 

Seldom expresses appreciation. Again, is thinking of his needs vs. needs of others.

 

Clueless as to how he comes across to others and to how he is viewed. Gets defensive when confronted with his behavior. Never his fault. May be apologetic and seem sincere but soon repeats offensive behavior without appearing to have learned from it.

 

Motive for behavior is usually self-serving and he does not recognize it.Can get very emotional, even tearful, but behavior is more about show or frustration rather than contrition or sorrow.

 

Kind to you usually only if he’s getting from you what he wants.

 

You end up feeling responsible for the problem. He gets to your feelings. No matter what, he wins, you lose.

 

Does not take responsibility for his behavior.The hurt he describes is because he got caught or he’s mad that you’re mad, and not because he believes he made a mistake.

 

Secret life. You’re often wondering what he does or who he is that you don’t know about.

 

Always feels misunderstood.

 

Most of the time you feel miserable living with this person. When it’s good you relish the peace but that is usually short lived. He is so skilled at making a mountain out of a molehill and you become so tired of the conflict. It drains all of your energy, love, and hope.

 

Expect “narcissistic rage” if called on his behavior.

 

Remember he can only love one person at a time – and that person is himself.

Edited April 2, 2013 by Flier

[J_L_C]

Such an interesting read! It sounds a lot like narcissism. This depicts my ex-boyfriend right down to the last detail. When I was dating my ex, many, MANY people would comment on these types of behaviours that I was just apparently blind to. I am able to see them more and more and more as I reflect back over the relationship. I do remember commenting on some of those things to him back when we were together as well, but of course, it was in one ear and out the other.

 

I'm curious....are there any others out there who have dated a narcissistic-personality type? If so, what were some of the behaviours you saw?

[Imajerk17]

I noticed that all pronouns in the list are male ("he" or "him" or "himself"). Are men the only potential bad guys here?

Edited May 14, 2013 by Imajerk17

[JourneyLady]

I noticed that all pronouns in the list are male ("he" or "him" or "himself"). Are men the only potential bad guys here?

 

Probably not, but I don't date women, so I wouldn't know. And yes, I spent five years turning myself inside out, just to try and find the "key" to his loving me. There wasn't one - he didn't have truth and intimacy during his marriage and couldn't have it with me. He said on occasion "I don't know if I'm capable of love." I should have believed him.

[TaraMaiden]

I noticed that all pronouns in the list are male ("he" or "him" or "himself"). Are men the only potential bad guys here?

 

Well of course!!

 

You don't think women could possibly be prone to such afflictions, do you?

 

For the record, we also don't fart, belch or sweat.

 

Of course.

 

[J_L_C]

I noticed that all pronouns in the list are male ("he" or "him" or "himself"). Are men the only potential bad guys here?

 

He did state: "(For ease, I used the generic masculine pronoun. Please recognize that these listings apply to either gender)"

[TheGuard13]

That list sounds like about 80 percent of the world when the chips are down. It seems like very few people are truly emotionally mature.

[aussietigerwolf]

sounds exactly like my ex husband. in fact a year afterward I ran into him and he tried the tearfully sorry bit but when that didn't work he went straight back to abusing me.