AHK610 Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 In a relationship I have had for three years, where I heave remained loyal while she has cheat on me once. in an attempt to get past that (1.5 years ago) we have been trying to build trust. I have been suspicious about recent behavior and phone calls, so i decided to sneak into her email... only to find out that she was dating another guy.. Although this clearly gave me the sign to leave which i reluctantly have, she turnes it on me and calls me a "stalker freak" for serching through her email.. I reponded that if she was trying to build trust with me she should not have been worried about issues like that.. Moreover she has my email and is free to look thorugh... opinions? Link to post Share on other sites
She's Come Undone Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 Given the opportunity, I would have done the same thing...look at the emails. It sounds like it's time for you to move on, find someone who will be loyal to you, and not blame you for their cheating! Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 Hello, Do not listen to her and move on. What she is doing is called rationalization. Look she cheated on you in the past. She is your girlfriend and you were willing to work on recovery. You check her emails and find out that she is dating another guy? She calls you a freak for catching her in lies? She is a cheater and was making a complete fool out of you. Tell her to get lost. You do not need someone who is untrustworthy and has a broken moral compass. Link to post Share on other sites
AngelicDevl Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 You totally did the right thing. By trying to turn this around on you, she ismerely trying to justify her own actions. My ex husband used to do this to me constantly whenever I would call him out on something he had done. She cheated on you before and was dating someone elsealong with you. Rid your life of this girl (I cant call her a woman because that would give the rest of us abad rap) andmove on. You will find someone who will appreciate your fidelity and not take you for granted. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 Dude, you did exactly the right thing. I would have done what you did. When somebody cheats and says they want to fix things, job one is for them to break their back, for months or years if necessary, to rebuild the trust they destroyed. One of the necessary components of that is that they lose any right they used to have to privacy (except maybe in the bathroom). Their life becomes an open book to the person they betrayed. They don't like the lack of privacy? That's cheater's justice. Like it or lump it. You don't need her. You forgave her once and gave your heart back to her. She cheerfullly went and sh*t all over it again. She doesn't deserve you. And you deserve somebody better than she'll ever be. Good luck, brother... Link to post Share on other sites
AHK610 Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 You sentiment is how i feel.. bu as I am sure many people on this beoard realize and can experience, getting cheat on is devastating, and o attempt to recover as I have been while learning this really destroys not only your happiness but your self esteem. It almost makes u feel ugly inside and makes u lose faith in loyalty. Especially when what u believe and what u hear from someone turns out to be a Selfish lie. I really have lost a lot for this girl and attempted to be there all the time. I even accepted some blame for her initial cheating. But after losing friends and respect from family because I have stuck by her side, she continued to make me look like the bad guy to all of her friends and even to my friends who I originally left because I took a stand for her.. so u can imagine how destroyed I feel.. I really gave it my all to reconcile but I was the one labeled the liar, the cheat, the “a*#hole”. Recovery will be difficult and very bitter but your responses tell me that its my only route rather than put up with more excuses and suffer through more damage to myself. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted April 28, 2004 Share Posted April 28, 2004 What an amoral biotch! Especially after you graciously accepted part of the "blame" for her affair (which is bogus, BTW... you may have helped create the environment that led her to cheat on you, but her decision to spread her legs for somebody else was hers, and hers alone. Never forget that.). As far as I know, in my case, TBXW never spread lies about me. (Or, she says she didn't, and nobody's told me that she did.) She's expressed what seems like genuine remorse for what she did. Doesn't sound like yours is doing that at all -- quite the opposite. I don't see what redeeming qualities she possesses. Also, in my case, I knew about none of TBXW's screwing around until last August, so it's not as though she'd done it once and I'd forgiven her previously. I mean, it would be nice to think that she might have developed enough self-control or respect for her vows to not do it repeatedly, but that's water under the bridge. In your case, you forgave her once. Looks to me like, if you stay with her, you'll be expected to do that yet again, sometime in the future. Dump her, man. She'll make your life miserable. You're better than she'll ever be. Find somebody who's worthy of you. Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted April 29, 2004 Share Posted April 29, 2004 cut your losses, do not invest anymore time in this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted May 2, 2004 Share Posted May 2, 2004 I know what you mean, AHK. Even without TBXW spreading lies about me, it was amazing how inadequate, naive, unattractive, etc. the whole affair mess made me feel. For awhile, one of my overriding feelings was, "why wasn't I good enough?". But to have your GF/wife spreading lies about you... talk about adding insult to injury. It took awhile for me to realize that I WAS good enough. She was the one who was inadequate and unworthy. Whatever my failings, I was a good and loving husband... in fact, I was the best. She didn't appreciate that, and that's going to be her biggest loss. You'll get it back. I know that I have. Hell, I just found out that one of my sister's friends likes me, and has for awhile (though she never said so or acted on it, because she knew I was married -- that shows she has integrity too, which is a bonus). Don't know if anything will ever come of it, but it's definitely affirming. There are better people out there, AHK. And when you find the one for you, you'll look back and wonder what you ever saw in the one who betrayed you. And she'll wonder why she ever threw you away. Link to post Share on other sites
MIKE999911111 Posted May 4, 2004 Share Posted May 4, 2004 They always get mad when you catch them. If she wasnt doing anything, then she would have a right to be mad. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 I disagree on the e-mail thing. Regardless of the circumstances, it points to a lack of respect, trust and communication. Just because they happened to reveal the truth, doesn't justify them as a tool. It's exactly the same as if you followed her around. But i'm sure many here would think it creepy. But in the end it's exactly the same. Link to post Share on other sites
renee70 Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 once trust is broken it's hard to get it back. She's trying to make you feel bad for doing what you did when in reality she feels like an ass for getting caught. I would have done the same when things started to get suspicious...best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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