Secretive Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 Hello! I am in a knew relationship and these are the things that are going on or have gone on. She is a girl I use to go to high school with, well she is my ex girls best friend from high school and not my ex gf I will be mentioning at some point in here, my first ex gf is my new gf’s ex friend. Confusing I’m sure for you, cause I can see the confusion already as you read that, lol! We ran into each other at a friends social on Feb 14, 2004. She is a nice girl and everything, but I am not physically attracted to her, cause she is a much bigger woman then I have gone out with in my past. But very pretty. Now here is the thing(s)! We hit it of or I’d like to think anyways in my opinion. We talked on the phone most times and then she started coming over more often, which was ok by me. Then I asked her out at the begining of March 2004 and she said yes, awesome for me I think! Then I mentioned I wanted to wait to have sex with her, and I never really got a reply from her for a number of days, I kind of but not really found that kind of weird. Then I start asking her if she has ever (She just turned 24) been tested for STD's, etc and she says never, pretty much why would I? I said well because you never know what someone might have or had etc. She said nah I’m fine. So I left it at that, but told myself until she gets tested and shows me proof I will not sleep with her, period. Then she comes back a few days later and says she wants to wait to sleep with me too, great! The first weekend of Mar 2004 after I asked her out, she never did anything with me Friday or Sat, she had a social out of town Sat night and I’m not even 100% sure if she went or not. Sunday came no call or word from her all day I called her once or twice and the last time on Sunday when I called was about 10pm, still early enough you would think. No call back or anything, Monday comes and all day no return phone calls not all day. Then Monday night around 9:30pm she just stops by and does not say sorry for not calling or returning my calls for the last two day. Just acts like as if what she did by disappearing, not calling was not a big deal. So fine I kind of let it go. But it sits in the back of my head. Obviously! Then the day after I am at university reading my book at my usual place and spot, and some hot chick walks up to me and sits next to me and start rubbing her body and chest all over mine (Not even having small talk) getting very flirty and ****, and then she started telling me to come back to her house to just F***, and at first I was flattered big time cause this has never in my life happened to me. She continues to rub her body and chest all over me and saying the something over and over. I get pissed off and said F*** off I have a gf and walked away. Now at first I thought it might be my ex gf that I broke up with 3 months ago, “and tried to work things out with for 6weeks from Jan till the night before I met my gf I am with today.” That got this chick to do it cause she is still in love with me and I have to be honest I still love her to a point and am still very attractive to her, but that is nor here or there at this point. But then again maybe it is. I did ask my ex if she did this and she said no, and I believe her. But then she said well maybe it was my knew gf that did it cause she is feeling guilty for disappearing for two days and not doing anything with me all weekend. I said no she is to nice and sweet to do this and besides my knew gf does not have any pics of me yet etc. well my ex being a woman said well she could have came to the university and got a friend of a friend of a friend that I would never really met, pointed me out to her and got this chick to do this to me cause of what she might have done on the weekend and because she disappeared for two days without so much as a returned call. Now my ex kind of has a point. And I can see it kind of but not really. I don’t know. Maybe I don’t want to believe my gf would do that or that she did. Or something. So the next thing that has happened is my gf then tells me she likes me a lot etc, and can now (and never thought this before because she always broke things of with the guys she was with because they started to fall (in) love with her) see herself settling down with me and getting married and having a family ever since she met me. Ok I said. Now my ex has a friend that says he knows my gf, maybe or maybe not, but he described my gf to her perfectly, knows where she lives and what her mom looks like and her sisters name and what she drives etc. So I am guessing he really does know my gf, but when I asked my gf she said she met this guy years ago when she was, 19. (But there were things he told my ex about her that what she was like etc, about the next question I asked her about cheating.) Now after my gf told me she can see herself wanting to settle down with me etc, I then asked her if she would ever cheat on me when or if she was drinking or drunk and several minutes went by and then she said, well when I am drunk and drink I do not remember what I am doing or if I would cheat or have cheated, and that answer for me did not sit with me well. So I confided in my ex gf once again for her opinion and she said to me, well if it took her several minutes to answer you in the first place and then that was her answer, then she is right there telling me that "ok well if I drink and get drunk and I cheat I will blame it on that cause it is or was out of my hands and is not my fault." well I thought the same thing but needed an opinion from a women’s point of view and I can not go to my friends or family cause they are very judgmental and very opinionated so this is why I go to my ex gf cause she is not like that and is very realistic and rationale about things and thinks things through all the way before jumping the gun. I am just not sure if she can be trusted or is trust-worthy cause of the few things that have happened and the conversations we have had and the answers I have gotten, make me unsure or I don't know. I never had to go through this with my ex gf, maybe cause she is older then me and very mature, I don't know. My ex gf tells me all the time this girl is playing games, she told me this from day one of not know nothing about my gf and always told me to keep my eyes open and my head up no matter what she says, But I like my gf's personality and she treats me nice, but I am just not attracted to her body cause she is a much bigger woman then I have ever gone out with before. I don't know what to do or if I should just not think about anything or read into it or whatever. Maybe I am over reading here or maybe there are tall tail signs and because I like her personality and she makes herself sound so good, I am only blinded my that. Or maybe it has something to do with my ex and the attraction I still have for her and she has for me, we have not done nothing or fooled around or anything if that is what you readers are thinking, ha ha! But are there signs and I am blinded and is my ex gf right from a women’s point of view or is she just maybe putting things in my head and making me believe something and there is nothing? But I don’t think so cause I have so doubt as to the answer I get and I confide in my ex gf, so I guess that answers my question, idiot I am…. lol Someone PLEASE help me, cause right now I am thinking that there is nothing really wrong, but to many signs say different!!! Thank You Secretive Link to post Share on other sites
overseas2004 Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 sorry your post is too long and way too complicated. I could not go on after half way. Try again Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 secretive: 1. brevity is the soul of wit. 2. you are uncertain and nervous about your new girlfriend's morals concerning sexuality. what you know so far, you do not like. 3. you are uncertain about her level of commitment because she does not call as often as you wish, and does not view you as a priority. 4. you do not like your new gf's body. 5. you have a higher level of intimacy and trust with your ex-gf. i can't even really tell if this new girl actually knows she is going out with you. she may have just thought the asking out was a casual thing, and your declaration about waiting to have sex may have just struck her as odd and presumptuous. in any event, this girl is not a good bet as a girlfriend. clearly reassess your situation, and i think you will see that the cons easily outweigh the pros here - you already know what to do, but are not thinking very clearly. Link to post Share on other sites
Greta Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 Have you ever considered that this 24 year old, "much bigger than I usually date" girl was so confident about not having any STD's because she is still a virgin? Many young women who either feel themselves, or have been told, that they are overweight have very limited experience with sex. Maybe she had decided that, at 24, it was time to take the plunge (with you), and when you told her straight off you wanted to wait to have sex & asked her about STD's she took that to be just one more guys' way of saying, "Hey, your a great girl & a lot of fun to be with but I'm not attracted to you sexually" (How can you call her your gf, and say you're exclusive, if you aren't sexually attracted to her? Based on your post, you were sending mixed signals) Which would do nothing for her already low self-esteem. So then she backed off for a couple days to re-group herself. It may have been the new gf who sent the little hottie to seduce you, trying to see if she was right about the vibe she was picking up from you about not being sexually attracted to big girls. Also the fact that you continue to turn to your ex gf for advice about your new gf (her ex-friend) tells me that you really are still too involved with her to be entering into a new relationship. Or maybe I'm completely off-base and this new gf was out scamming around, especially when you consider her answer to your question about cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
asilisa Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 I say its pretty messed up that you talk to your ex-girlfriend about your new girlfriend. Its one thing to talk to your ex, but a whole different thing when you are telling her detailes about your new girlfriend. If I were your new girlfriend and found out you were talking to your ex about me I'd be real upset. Maybe you should think about that. And also maybe your new girlfriend sent that girl to try to sleep with you to see if you would sleep with her (the girl) but wouldn't sleep with your girlfriend. Because maybe she feels you won't sleep with her because she is big. I hope that makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Secretive Posted March 25, 2004 Author Share Posted March 25, 2004 Originally posted by Greta Have you ever considered that this 24 year old, "much bigger than I usually date" girl was so confident about not having any STD's because she is still a virgin? Many young women who either feel themselves, or have been told, that they are overweight have very limited experience with sex. Maybe she had decided that, at 24, it was time to take the plunge (with you), and when you told her straight off you wanted to wait to have sex & asked her about STD's she took that to be just one more guys' way of saying, "Hey, your a great girl & a lot of fun to be with but I'm not attracted to you sexually" (How can you call her your gf, and say you're exclusive, if you aren't sexually attracted to her? Based on your post, you were sending mixed signals) Which would do nothing for her already low self-esteem. So then she backed off for a couple days to re-group herself. It may have been the new gf who sent the little hottie to seduce you, trying to see if she was right about the vibe she was picking up from you about not being sexually attracted to big girls. Also the fact that you continue to turn to your ex gf for advice about your new gf (her ex-friend) tells me that you really are still too involved with her to be entering into a new relationship. Or maybe I'm completely off-base and this new gf was out scamming around, especially when you consider her answer to your question about cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Secretive Posted March 25, 2004 Author Share Posted March 25, 2004 She calls me as much as she can and likes. and as little as she does call me it does not bother me at all. what bothered me is the fact that when she disappeared for two days and did NOT return and call me back, and then after the two days she was not hearrd from or nowhere to be found. she just shows up without a reason as to where she has been and why she did not call me back at all, not even so much as a sorry ffrom her and her disapearing act. Originally posted by jenny secretive: 1. brevity is the soul of wit. 2. you are uncertain and nervous about your new girlfriend's morals concerning sexuality. what you know so far, you do not like. 3. you are uncertain about her level of commitment because she does not call as often as you wish, and does not view you as a priority. 4. you do not like your new gf's body. 5. you have a higher level of intimacy and trust with your ex-gf. i can't even really tell if this new girl actually knows she is going out with you. she may have just thought the asking out was a casual thing, and your declaration about waiting to have sex may have just struck her as odd and presumptuous. in any event, this girl is not a good bet as a girlfriend. clearly reassess your situation, and i think you will see that the cons easily outweigh the pros here - you already know what to do, but are not thinking very clearly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Secretive Posted March 25, 2004 Author Share Posted March 25, 2004 Well the ONLY reason I will NOT sleep with her is because she has had many partners and has NEVER ever been tested, not even once in her life. that is a big thing for me period. Her size has nothing t odo with me not wanting ot sleep with her or not, it is just mainly because she has never ever been tested and that is a huge deal for me. Originally posted by asilisa I say its pretty messed up that you talk to your ex-girlfriend about your new girlfriend. Its one thing to talk to your ex, but a whole different thing when you are telling her detailes about your new girlfriend. If I were your new girlfriend and found out you were talking to your ex about me I'd be real upset. Maybe you should think about that. And also maybe your new girlfriend sent that girl to try to sleep with you to see if you would sleep with her (the girl) but wouldn't sleep with your girlfriend. Because maybe she feels you won't sleep with her because she is big. I hope that makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
asilisa Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 Well the ONLY reason I will NOT sleep with her is because she has had many partners and has NEVER ever been tested, not even once in her life. that is a big thing for me period. Her size has nothing t odo with me not wanting ot sleep with her or not, it is just mainly because she has never ever been tested and that is a huge deal for me. Sorry I didn't think that was the reason you didn't want to have sex with her, I meant maybe that is what SHE thought. I wasn't callin' you a jerk or nothing. I know personally that before I lost weight I never thought a guy could ever like me, even after losing weight. Its a constant struggle. I was just trying to give you a different view. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Secretive Posted March 26, 2004 Author Share Posted March 26, 2004 No I was not thinking you were calling me a jerk, I apologise for you thinking I thought that. Well we had a very long talk two nights ago, because she was very bothered and hurt by me asking her if she had ever been checked out and that I would not have sex with her till she does. She called me into my room and said she wanted to talk to me, so we did. She told me she was very very dirty all her life and had many muilt' and unsafe sexual partners, and that is why she has never been checked out. I know it is hard for many people that are bigger to feel like that, but she does not she says. I thank you for your view! So now that I know this, it answers a lot of my questions and it goes hand in hand with her answer that she gace me to my question of "If she would cheat on me when she is drunk?" And I am not sure if I can deal with that, but part of me feels like I have to give her that chance but the other major part of me feels I can not or am unsure if I can. I had replied to this quiot already but I hit spell check and when it was done it disappeared on me, so you may have more then one reply, sorry Originally posted by asilisa Well the ONLY reason I will NOT sleep with her is because she has had many partners and has NEVER ever been tested, not even once in her life. that is a big thing for me period. Her size has nothing t odo with me not wanting ot sleep with her or not, it is just mainly because she has never ever been tested and that is a huge deal for me. Sorry I didn't think that was the reason you didn't want to have sex with her, I meant maybe that is what SHE thought. I wasn't callin' you a jerk or nothing. I know personally that before I lost weight I never thought a guy could ever like me, even after losing weight. Its a constant struggle. I was just trying to give you a different view. Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 Originally posted by Secretive I had replied to this quiot already but I hit spell check and when it was done it disappeared on me, so you may have more then one reply, sorry yeah whats up with the spell check, i can't get my post back after either. now i copy my post and after sp check i paste it back. anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Secretive Posted March 26, 2004 Author Share Posted March 26, 2004 I don't know, that is exactly what happened to me. and that mad me very mad, cause I had to retype most of what I had said in the reply and I left stuff out because I could not remmber everything I said. PLEASE fix the poblem if possible! Originally posted by spencer yeah whats up with the spell check, i can't get my post back after either. now i copy my post and after sp check i paste it back. anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
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