Alone&Hurt Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 Its been a week now. Since I found naked pictures of a girl on his computer that I recognized. He had told me previously that this particular girl was unattractive to him and he never dated her, she was just psycho, yet the pictures were saved in a folder with 72 porn movie files. He was acting suspicious when I woke up to check on my daughter @ 3:30 a.m. and that is the only reason I looked through his computer. I have always had full trust in him and he's given me no reason otherwise. This had a lot to do with our wedding planned for April 23, 2010 (yes, 3 1/2 weeks away.) The modified date on all the pictures of her was March 10, 2010. I went into the bedroom and woke him up and, yes, I was quite upset. I asked him, "be honest. Do you think that Mindy is attractive?" As I stated before, he claims she is "too skinny"...wtf? He looked confused and said, "No, what are you talking about?" I retaliated with, "So you don't have naked pictures of her saved on your computer?" This should have sent off a signal to his brain that said "HELLO! SHE KNOWS!" but he continued to deny. This went back and forth until he couldn't deny anymore. I asked when they were sent and he said, "probably around October 2008". I probably should mention to you that the pictures had files names of the dates that they pictures were taken/loaded. The dates ranged from June 2009 to January 2010. I explained this to him and he continued to deny until 2 days ago. I've pulled phone records, emailed her, etc.etc.etc. and everytime I find more evidence that he's been talking to her and, as she explained, they dated for about 2 months. He still lies about some of it, though the evidence is definitely there. I had made all the wedding arrangements and I had planned to spend my entire life with this man. I'm having a difficult time coping, mostly because I don't know what direction my life has anymore. Where do I go by myself? Is there a single, solitary person that thinks that they would forgive for this? I don't know how the relationship could ever work because I feel he is STILL lying to me but I haven't been able to eat, sleep, work, etc. I just want some advice as to how to heal from this. I know that some are going to look at this and think I'm stupid for even THINKING that it could possibly work and, trust me, I'm having those same thoughts. He was my life, though and now I am completely lost. I just need some direction. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
Fouts Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 I don't think your stupid for thinking it can still work, just in denial about the gravity of what you discovered. It's normal when someone's found out their s/o, whom they thought was everything they wanted, is actually everything that they don't. It's not going to get better long-term if that's what you're asking. Link to post Share on other sites
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 I just want some advice as to how to heal from this. I know that some are going to look at this and think I'm stupid for even THINKING that it could possibly work and, trust me, I'm having those same thoughts. He was my life, though and now I am completely lost. I just need some direction. Please help. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It's extremely difficult to give up on someone who is your life, but it doesn't seem like you are the type of woman who can ignore the red flags and go on as planned. If you don't believe/trust him, the only question is "Do you want to break up with your fiance now or divorce your husband later?" The only way you will heal is to make a decision you can live with, decide you will heal, and live through the time necessary to heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Norville_Rogers Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It's extremely difficult to give up on someone who is your life, but it doesn't seem like you are the type of woman who can ignore the red flags and go on as planned. If you don't believe/trust him, the only question is "Do you want to break up with your fiance now or divorce your husband later?" The only way you will heal is to make a decision you can live with, decide you will heal, and live through the time necessary to heal. Trust me....It will be a lot cheaper and a lot more less headache if you break up with him now (which is what I recommend) than divorce him later. Think about it....there is NO way you will trust him for the rest of your life if you marry him. It would be a heck of a lot easier to lose a few thousand dollars from cancelling the wedding than losing years of heartache and misery from a non-trusting marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 How long have you been with him ? Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 (edited) Its been a week now. Since I found naked pictures of a girl on his computer that I recognized. He had told me previously that this particular girl was unattractive to him and he never dated her, she was just psycho, yet the pictures were saved in a folder with 72 porn movie files. He was acting suspicious when I woke up to check on my daughter @ 3:30 a.m. and that is the only reason I looked through his computer. I have always had full trust in him and he's given me no reason otherwise. This had a lot to do with our wedding planned for April 23, 2010 (yes, 3 1/2 weeks away.) The modified date on all the pictures of her was March 10, 2010. I went into the bedroom and woke him up and, yes, I was quite upset. I asked him, "be honest. Do you think that Mindy is attractive?" As I stated before, he claims she is "too skinny"...wtf? He looked confused and said, "No, what are you talking about?" I retaliated with, "So you don't have naked pictures of her saved on your computer?" This should have sent off a signal to his brain that said "HELLO! SHE KNOWS!" but he continued to deny. This went back and forth until he couldn't deny anymore. I asked when they were sent and he said, "probably around October 2008". I probably should mention to you that the pictures had files names of the dates that they pictures were taken/loaded. The dates ranged from June 2009 to January 2010. I explained this to him and he continued to deny until 2 days ago. I've pulled phone records, emailed her, etc.etc.etc. and everytime I find more evidence that he's been talking to her and, as she explained, they dated for about 2 months. He still lies about some of it, though the evidence is definitely there. I had made all the wedding arrangements and I had planned to spend my entire life with this man. I'm having a difficult time coping, mostly because I don't know what direction my life has anymore. Where do I go by myself? Is there a single, solitary person that thinks that they would forgive for this? I don't know how the relationship could ever work because I feel he is STILL lying to me but I haven't been able to eat, sleep, work, etc. I just want some advice as to how to heal from this. I know that some are going to look at this and think I'm stupid for even THINKING that it could possibly work and, trust me, I'm having those same thoughts. He was my life, though and now I am completely lost. I just need some direction. Please help. Go talk to him. Tell him that you love him and that this hurts you. Sounds to me like you're jealous. They're just pictures, right? What would be concerning is if you had no connection to this guy, yet purchase his phone records, install key loggers on his computer and cyber stalk him even though he's never met you... Edited March 28, 2010 by You'reasian Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 Sounds to me like you're jealous. They're just pictures' date=' right?[/quote'] WTF??? Are we in high school or something? It goes WAY beyond being "jealous" for God's sakes. The woman was about to MARRY this lying cheater when she found out he's been clearly carrying on with someone named Mindy (although she doesn't mention to what extent he's involved or if it's physical). What the hell do you MEAN is she "jealous?" Why don't you actually READ someone's post before you throw out arbitrary nonsense that isn't relevant and doesn't help anyone? What would be concerning is if you had no connection to this guy, yet purchase his phone records, install key loggers on his computer and cyber stalk him even though he's never met you... Again, what the hell does this have to do with anything the OP has posted with regard to her cheating fiancee? OP, forgetting the nonsense post above, I'd very seriously get the hell out of Dodge NOW and not marry this guy. You'll be sorry if you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Silver_star Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 The smart thing to do now would be to call off the wedding. Trust me. He is lying to you to your face when you have proof. Imagine how easy it will be to decieve you once your married and you have already accepted his deception. You will NEVER trust him. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 (edited) WTF??? Are we in high school or something? It goes WAY beyond being "jealous" for God's sakes. The woman was about to MARRY this lying cheater when she found out he's been clearly carrying on with someone named Mindy (although she doesn't mention to what extent he's involved or if it's physical). What the hell do you MEAN is she "jealous?" Why don't you actually READ someone's post before you throw out arbitrary nonsense that isn't relevant and doesn't help anyone? Again, what the hell does this have to do with anything the OP has posted with regard to her cheating fiancee? OP, forgetting the nonsense post above, I'd very seriously get the hell out of Dodge NOW and not marry this guy. You'll be sorry if you do. Woman in blue... To me it is clear the the poster mis-posted the response to the wrong thread.. It seems like a posting error I got that by reading it... Edited March 29, 2010 by Art_Critic Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 If that's the case Art Critic, then I owe You'reasian an apology. But since he quoted the OP's initial post - and said "it's just pictures," his answer seemed to fit the situation, so I didn't think of it as an answer to another post. If that's the case You'reasian, I do apologize. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 If that's the case Art Critic, then I owe You'reasian an apology. But since he quoted the OP's initial post - and said "it's just pictures," his answer seemed to fit the situation, so I didn't think of it as an answer to another post. If that's the case You'reasian, I do apologize. I don't honestly know now.... after rereading it again I just read it the way you did Regardless.. it seems unanimous that the OP needs to rethink marrying the guy.. I asked how long she has been involved with him so I could try and figure out if it was even worth talking it out with the guy.. Link to post Share on other sites
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