rollercoaster334 Posted June 25, 2003 Share Posted June 25, 2003 well my boyfriend and i have been staying together 4 years and in those years i have had reasons not to fully trust him. but the situation now is with his ex girlfriend and his mother close relationship. and i am friends with his ex girlfriend sis. and everything his mom says about me the sis of the ex will eventually tell me. his mother sits around and discuss all our business with th ex , and i'm positive the mom says it because he told only his mom and there have been things i discussed with the mom only to hear it again from the ex's sis. they have been broken up over 4 years, and she still in the picture. she is always over his mom house, going places with her,answering the phone, and other stuff. should i worry about her, is it possible they secretly seeing each other? just today when he called his mom house i heard the ex asking was i around? should i worry he holds conversations with her when i'm not around? that puts my trust in him in question? Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 25, 2003 Share Posted June 25, 2003 I have to admit, if I were in your shoes, I would NOT be a happy camper!! No wonder you're full of questions and doubts. First, if the ex has formed such a tight bond with your boyfriends mother, there is little chance of forcing her out of the picture. I would certainly stop discussing my business with his mother and probably go so far as to confront her about it. Of course, I'm quite ballsy, and not everyone has the temperament to approach things head-on. What does your boyfriend say about all this? Has he questioned his mother about her gossiping, or does he seem ambivalent to the whole ordeal? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rollercoaster334 Posted June 25, 2003 Author Share Posted June 25, 2003 all he has to say is that he has no control over what his mother does, and i can understand that . but there friendship doesn't have to involve his mother and ex discussing us. i haven't confronted his mother because i didn't know if it would be disrespectful. but she has asked him why i don't come in when he visits, and truthfully i don't what he told her. and he say there is nothing to worry about. but i told him he must have not made it clear to the ex that they over 100%, by that i mean no more nothing. i believe a simple conversation when i'm not around could be misleading to the ex. but he say he doesn't talk to her. i just don't know what to do at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 25, 2003 Share Posted June 25, 2003 He may not have any “control” over what his mother does…but he certainly has some influence! I realize that we can not expect everyone to think, rationalize and behave the way we do, but if it were me and my parents were going to the ex with personal information about my current relationship…I would cease all communication with them until the situation was rectified. Not just out of love and respect for my partner, but because that kind of behavior would also be disrespectful to me. If you can’t trust your own parents, then who can you trust?? I’m surprised you’ve put up with this for four years. You’re certainly more tolerant and patient than most. And if you and your boyfriend ever do decide to marry, you will be stuck with this manipulating, meddling mother-in-law from hell. And believe me, in-laws like this have ruined many of marriages! I’m worried she’ll continue to wreak havoc on your relationship, particularly if she would prefer to see her son with this other girl. And since your boyfriend will not make a stand, it leaves me wondering where his loyalties are. Did you ever ask him what that comment over the phone was all about?? So---you can’t remove the ex-girlfriend from the picture; you can’t control what his mother says or who she chooses to associate with; and the boyfriend won’t help. That still leaves you with three choices. You can confront the mother and ask her if she has been confiding personal information about your relationship to the ex---and risk having both she and your boyfriend angry at you (so what!). You can choose to do nothing and tolerate this uncomfortable situation for as many more years as you can stand to bare it. Or lastly, you could walk out and leave the three of them to their own demise and make yourself available to someone else who isn’t tied to his mother’s apron strings and will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. Link to post Share on other sites
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