Old pictures

[Careless]

I dated someone for 4 years and we broke up. We had a long and wonderful relationship together. However, he did not want to get married and I did. We broke up over it 6 months ago and have not gotten back together. I have many pictures of us together and I store them in a box in my bedroom closet. I am dating someone new 3 months and he looked in the box in my bedroom closet and found these pictures. He is very upset that I kept them. He says we look so happy and in love. My new boyfriend is jealous and insecure. He wants me to throw the pictures away. I am not ready to do that, nor do I feel I should have to. What should I do? I also feel like he invaded my privacy, but that is another story.

[HokeyReligions]

I would just be honest with the new guy and tell him that you WERE happy and in love with this other man. And tell him that you two broke up and you are moving on, but you just aren't ready to let go of the pictures and you don't know why. Tell him that your relationship is just starting out and that there will probably be many photos in the future of the two of you together, but relationships take time. Tell him that you are being honest with him and taking it slow and that part of YOU comes from a relationship and the things you learned about yourself and about yourself in relationships came from the old. Assure him that you are committed to going forward with him, or with someone else, and that he shouldn't worry about the past. Part of a relationship is building trust and he needs to trust you. He may have some trust issues based on his prior relationships.

 

Then I'd address the prying issue. He shouldn't have been going thru your closet unless you told him to. Just tell him that it concerns you that he is so jealous over such a new relationship and other than throwing out the photos, what does he want you to do to assure him of your fidelity and ease his mind so he doesn't feel he needs to snoop and if he is curious about your past or about something in your home, tell him to respect you and ask you about it first and you will show him the same respect.

[Raven]

I was once faced with this same situation. I trashed ALL of my pictures... my relationship lasted 5 years... and then it ended... I have NO pictures in the end.

 

These are your memories and you have every right to keep them.

[butterflyz]

they chronicle your life. that relationship is in the past. he had no business going through your things. ugh. can't stand people that do that.

 

don't throw the pictures away because of him. i could see if you had pictures out for all to see. but they are in a box in your closet, where they should be.

[Ally Boo]

It is common for girls to keep things from their relationships. We all have a little box of knick knacks in the top of our closet that reminds us of those times. It's sentimental, not obsession. You have not reason to throw them away, and he has no right to ask you to do that.

[pinkroses]

has no right to ask you to throw away the pictures from your past relationship. Those are your memories, and only you should decide what to do with them. Since you've kept them in a box in the closet, you haven't flaunted them or left them out as though your old relationship is still a part of your life. Your present partner should not be jealous or threatened by them. My boyfriend has some pictures of old girlfriends and I have diaries with accounts of all of my former relationships. He keeps his pictures put away in a box and I keep my diaries hidden. Those things are part of our past and though it wouldn't be edifying for us to frame these pictures or read my old diaries, we respect that they are a part of who we were, and we just keep them to ourselves, individually. I'd suggest keeping your pictures in a special place where only you know where they are, and then encouraging your new partner that in time you two will also make memories.

[Just A Girl2]

I've never been one to keep pictures of exes. I don't even have any pictures from my marriage/wedding. Over the years, particularly when I was younger, I dated guys who were jealous/insecure..and they'd make me get rid of pictures of exes..so I did, didn't bother me in the least. To me, the most important thing to have are memories..which I don't need pictures for..I can keep memories deep in my head and heart. I'm not one to dwell on the past. People are exes for a reason.

 

One guy I dated a few years ago, he had a huge box of "stuff" from his ex. Pictures, nude pics, very suggestive letters they'd each written one another, all kinds of mushy gushy stuff. He kept it in his closet. We were in the process of me moving in with him. Call me crazy, but I told him to get rid of it all. I guess I was transferring my beliefs onto him. Seeing how I couldn't care less that I don't have pics from old relationships, I figured that if nothing else, guys would be NON-sentimental like this, too.....and for him NOT to be, that scared me..made me think he was still not over her.

 

This is also a guy who had boxes and bags of all the pictures taken during his marriage, including millions of wedding and honeymoon pictures (the "ex" I refer to above, was not his ex wife). He didn't do much to hide these. When we moved into a house together, all these shoeboxes and plastic bags of these pictures, including the big fancy wedding album, were right out in the open, in our basement. Always thought it weird that HE was the one with all the pictures from the many years he'd been together with his ex wife. it was like she didnt' want any. Understandable. I came to find out, well into OUR relationship, that the reason his marriage had ended..was not as he'd told me (a 'mutual decision to break up)..it was because he walked out on her when she was 5 months pregnant with their second daughter (the first was only 2 yrs old at the time)....to go and shack up with the town whore/crackhead/party girl. Course he didn't tell me any of this..for if he had, I'd have never in a million years gotten involved with someone who'd betray his own wife and high school sweetheart like this.......shameful. (his wife was a great lady).

 

As it turned out, the pics and stuff he kept.....were because of the tremendous guilt he felt......for having been the one to ruin these respective relationships.

 

I personally don't believe in holding onto the past. To me, keeping pictures and keepsakes only serves to keep you somehow attached to that part of your life......to keep a connection there (emotional one). I don't think it's healthy or smart or fair to your new relationship.

[Jamie31]

Dear Careless -

 

Trust me - don't throw the pics away. Your old boyfriend is a part of your past. He lasted for four years, so of course that was a significant part of your life that had significant effects on your life. You have every right to hang on to those pictures - they are a part of your past, and by you not wanting to throw them away, they were obviously a happy part of your life. You are entitled to keep all photos, because photos are precious and memories. Anyone who loved you would be willing to let you keep these memories-in-a-box without feeling jealous or insecure. Trust me, you don't not want a boyfriend that is jealous or insecure. And being both is even worse. A jealous, insecure man will cause you nothing but heartache and misery, and over something that you have no fault in. Talk to this man, and if he refuses to understand - throw him away..not your precious memories.