Sad and Resentful at times

[Guest]

I have been with my b/f for a year..we live like an hour apart so we cant see each other very often--about 3 days a week. Also--he is always so busy. He does things for his mother, fixes his car, and bike, if his sis needs something he will do it--if his bro needs something like help with work--he will do it. It's great that he is family oriented but i still feel like i am second to a lot of things.

 

For example--one weekend we were supposed to go away with a group of people..i'm not gonna say why we couldnt go but there was just no way but i said lets spend the weekend together anyway--he had to get something at his mom's house before we left for his place and when he got in the car he basically said she looks lonely, i should be staying there with her. I understand that completely--but i guarantee u if we went away on his trip he wouldnt have said that. He went away for a week and a half and didnt feel guilty but for some reason since we were spending the weekend alone, he felt guilty. It just upset me and i didnt forget it but of course never said anything...He does a lot of things on sundays--and i feel like we only see each other at night so sundays it would be nice once in awhile to spend the day together. That rarely happens and i feel guilty at times if i stay past noon. He even said one time, he isnt being productive just sitting here..How can a b/f think like that? He isn't being productive b/c he is with me at that point where i feel we dont see each other during the day so once in awhile it would be nice to be together and actually go to a park or something.

 

For months now he has been working saturdays and is able to take off one day during the week. With that day off--he does a lot of those things..and at a times i feel its not for the extra money to work on saturday--b/c if he was off on saturday--that means chances are i would be there and he wouldnt get as much stuff done so if he works--atleast he has that day in the week when i am not there and saturday mornings i go home and he picks me up at like 9 pm. So i am feeling resentful towards that. I feel he does it partly for the money and partly b/c if he was off i would be there and he cant do the things he needs..

 

Anyway--my attitude lately has changed with him..i find myself just being resentful at him for maybe not needing me as much as i need him and its getting to the point where i sometimes feel lonely..i feel if i have a serious b/f i shouldnt be out at bars constantly or out partying with friends...but with me only seeing him 3 days week its getting hard coming home and just pretty much doing nothing. I work out, spend time with family but really not as much as when i didnt have a b/f. I dont know what to do at this point to get some reaction with him--stop calling as much, dont stay over as much? leave early in the morning by cab and hopefully he will start realizing maybe he wants me there once in awhile? Help.

[Alexandra]

It just upset me and i didnt forget it but of course never said anything...

 

Anyway--my attitude lately has changed with him..i find myself just being resentful at him for maybe not needing me as much as i need him and its getting to the point where i sometimes feel lonely.

 

Those look like the key points to me. What you need to learn is how to communicate.

 

Ideally, in a functional relationship, there is never "of course I didn't say anything" because that attitude can lead to resentment indeed. That's not to say the right time and the right approach are unimportant, quite the contrary, they're vital. Being understanding of your partner's interests and life circumstances is one thing, not speaking up -in open but non-conflictual terms- when something bothers you to this extent is committing relationship suicide in the long run.

 

IMO you need to spend less time thinking of strategies -i.e. not calling, playing hard to get, etc- and more time thinking of mature communicational techniques to help you two meet each other's needs.