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he wants to cool it for a while


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Posted

hi, this is a bit of a complicated issue.

me and this guy have liked each other for the last 5 and a half years but we have never done anything about it cos i had a boyfriend. i broke up with my ex 3 months ago. anyway about 2 weeks ago the new guy called me up and asked me out to dinner i said yes cos i've been dying to be with him. everything went well. we've been seeing each other now for the last 2 weeks. he hasn't had a relationship in 5 years and told me last week that he wanted to take things slow (mind you after we've slept together) then told me that he wasn't after a relationship but if it happened it happened. we agreed to take each day as it came and things we're fine. he would call me everyday when he finished work now i never asked him to. i figured things would have been alot easier between us cos we have both wanted this for 5 years (guess not) last night i recieve a text message from him saying that he thinks we should cool it for a while, it doesn't feel right and that he needs his space. i just don't understand did he scare himself?????? he goes away at the end of the month but he'll only be gone for a month i'm not sure if that has anything to do with it. doesn't want to get attached then has to leave i'm not sure. i thought i new how he felt after knowing him for so long but i guess i was wrong. the other day he told me how much he cared for me and liked me and for how long he has wanted this. i'm not sure how to take his cooling it for a while if it's completley over or we're on a bit of a break but after only 2 weeks thats a bit lame. i haven't called him cos one of his reasons is he needs his space even though he was the one always calling me and inviting me over.

we had plans for next weekend cos it is my birthday now i don't know what's going to happen there.

how do i let him know that i don't want to put things to an end but yes it's a good idea to slow things down cos i don't want to loose what we have. take things slow until he gets back from his work trip and then see how we feel. he has already stated that he doesn't want to pick up any chicks while he over there i know what he's like he's not that kind of man (well so i think) but how well do you really know anyone right. ha ha

what do you guys recon?

i wanted things to work out cos we've wanted it for so long, but i don't want this to ruin our friendship neither.

should i call him? how long should i leave it

any advice will be appriciated.

 

thanks

Posted

"Cooling it" and "taking it slow" are also known as "breaking up".

 

Look at his actions, and I think you will see that he does not want to continue anything with you. He may have been curious for 5 years, and got his curiosity satisfied.

 

I recommend NC, and next time, take it "cool", "slow" and "easy" BEFORE you have sex.

Posted

The early stages of a relationship is when you want to talk and see each other the most. It has been 2 weeks and he tells, I meant texts (he doesn't even want to talk to tell you this) that he needs space from you. This is not a good sign. If he was feeling for you what you are feeling for him, he would try to make more time to be with you considering he will be going away soon for a month. Instead he wants distance. This is not a good sign. You should not call him. You need to get over him and move on.

  • Author
Posted

the thing is that he says one thing but acts in a totally different way. i'm not trying to make excuses for him i'm past that. but when he told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship the very next day he acted as if we were a couple. intoducing me to his friends ,taking me out, telling me how much he cares for me and his feelings towards me. he brang up the fact that he was going away and was concerned about that. knowing him for as long as i have i know that is a problem for him cos if he had a girlfriend he wouldn't be going away and i think that he didn't want to start anything with anyone not only me because of that fact. i just thought considering our past that it would have been different for us. i'm only confused about his behaviour thats all just how he says one thing but his actions towards me are the total opposite. very confusing.

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author
Posted

would just like to say thanks for the advice.

everything ended up working out between me and the guy. he ended up just scaring himself. we are now just seeing one another for the mean time and just seeing how things go. he didn't want to start a relationship and then have to leave for a month or two.i understand i wouldn't want to do that neither. so we're just having fun together and if it happens it happens no use pushing for anything or i'll end up pushing him away. i've waited 5 years to be with him a couple of months is nothing to wait to be in a relationship. taking things slow is a good thing i'll keep you informed and let you's know how things go.

 

thanks

Posted

That's a good idea to keep things casual and to take it slow until he goes and returns from his trip. Keep us posted.

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