A Romantic Letter

[ehead]

What if your relationship had just gone through a rocky period, and you were starting to feel a lot better about it, so you sent a really sweet and romantic email to your SO. What if it was obvious the email was of the sort that desired a reply. In fact replying to the email would sort of make everything alright in a lot of ways. What if you knew they had read it, but they have still not commented on it or replied. Would this upset you ? How long would it take before it upset you, considering this girl has nothing but time on her hands (she isn't in school or working) ?

 

I'm assuming either I am being emotionally needy and impatient, she is simply hesitant and not sure of her feelings, or she is being stubborn and wicked and enjoying my squirming. If it's the latter, I think it's a little bit insensitive.

 

Personally, considering we had just gone through a little rough spot (which was really neither of our faults ... just one of those things), if I was interested in getting things back on track again I would have replied to the letter right away ... or at least mentioned how sweet it was over the phone.

 

This girl has been known to be stingy with compliments and affirmation, for whatever reason.

 

She does tell me she loves me over the phone.

[basscatcher]

, she is simply hesitant and not sure of her feelings, ---------

 

This girl has been known to be stingy with compliments and affirmation, for whatever reason.-----------

 

She does tell me she loves me over the phone.

 

NOt knowing your full situation. I would say from your choices these fit best possibly. But then I am dealing with a similiar kind of person but he is a man.

[Walk]

I have a hard time replying to emails professing feelings. My bf sent me a funny love letter once... and every reply I tried to write came off sounding cliche-ish. Or down right stupid. What do you say in response? "Me too!" Doh. I don't think I ever responded to it.... now that I look back. hmm..

 

I know you put a lot into the email, and you had really hoped for a strong postitive response... but if you needed the validation of a response from her then you needed to tell her those things in person. Face to face.

 

I strongly believe that deep emotions and hard to say feelings should not be done through email. There's too much room for interpretation, misunderstanding, and hurt feelings.

[ehead]

@Walk

I guess I can see that, but I have this bad feeling I'm not going to get any acknowledgement in real life either.

 

It just hurts a little bit, because with just a couple of well thought out sentences she could make me feel so much better, give me the positive afirmation that I clearly am asking for in the letter, and everything would be back on track. Furthermore, I know she knows this. She would have to. Right ? She knows me, and she is a smart girl ! (me thinks).

 

So I feel like she is withholding this either because she is unsure, or even worse, for vindictive reasons. I just feel like if she doesn't mention anything about what I brought up, she wants there to be uncertainty in the relationship. Maybe that is what she feels ... uncertain. Or maybe she is just stubborn. And maybe she is going to mention it the next time I see her.

 

Anticipation is such an interesting emotion !

It's possible I am just not being patient enough.

Patience. Patience.

 

If after a week I have still not heard any mention ... then what ? Would that be her stubborn way of having the last word ?

 

@padameckla

I read over your situation, and I can understand your frustration.

Believe me, this is not exclusive to one sex or the other.

What I wonder is ... are people like this simply indifferent, insensitive, or is it simply a matter of the way they are.

Sometimes I think it's an emotional power struggle.

I feel like hey, I say good things about you, why cant you reciprocate ?

[basscatcher]

[quote=@padameckla

I read over your situation, and I can understand your frustration.

Believe me, this is not exclusive to one sex or the other.

What I wonder is ... are people like this simply indifferent, insensitive, or is it simply a matter of the way they are.

Sometimes I think it's an emotional power struggle.

I feel like hey, I say good things about you, why cant you reciprocate ?

 

I think its fear that they developed.

Fear if they allow themselves to connecty they will get hurt.

Fear if they fall in love they will get hurt.

Fear if they open themselves up it will make them too vulnerable and they will be taken advantage of and hurt.

Fear of the fear.

 

Lack of faith in success.

 

They haven't healed from previous hurts and realized that not all people are the same and each person deserves a new slate and not be punished for what others have done..

[Walk]

It just hurts a little bit, because with just a couple of well thought out sentences she could make me feel so much better, give me the positive afirmation that I clearly am asking for in the letter, and everything would be back on track. Furthermore, I know she knows this. She would have to. Right ? She knows me, and she is a smart girl ! (me thinks).

 

Hard to say what she's thinking. I have a horrible way of not picking up on that stuff with my bf. I assume he's never insecure, never needs to be validated, or reassured. I see him as someone strong, so thoughts that he would really be asking me to metaphorically hold his hand and tell him it'll all be okay, don't enter my mind. He had to tell me that was what he was asking for before I understood.

 

I really don't know what your girl is thinking. I don't know how clearly you worded your email, or how someone may interpret it. If her actions so far have been saying she loves you overall, then don't assume she's doing this to be spiteful. It may be a case of miscommunication. I would suggest you ask how she felt about the email. That would clear up any wrong assumptions you may be entertaining. If she says she's unsure, then at least you have part of your answer. But letting it fester as you worry and wait, won't help solidify your relationship any.

[max003]

she's not interested. even if she was unnerved/unable to communicate/unsure what to say to your love letter, she would have still been talking to her. think its a lost cause mate

[ehead]

@walk

Actually, my gf sounds a lot like you. I've tried to tell her I'm not so strong before, and she is more sensitive to my needs for about a week.

 

The really frustrating thing is she is not strong at all, and I am constantly helping her back on her feet. This makes me think she should understand.

 

There is an imbalance in the relationship, and sometimes I resent it.

 

As for the letter ...

If someone is drowning, you don't wait a week to throw them a life vest do you ? That's sort of the way I see it. As you point out though, she may see it entirely differently.

 

Communication.

It can be a bit*h sometimes.

[Walk]

You're still talking to her, aren't you? I mean, she hasn't been "gone" or something since you sent that email, has she?

 

Have you talked to her much sent you sent it? Or have your conversations been shorter or less than normal? Does everything else seem the same, and just no mention of this love letter/email?

[basscatcher]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t66170/

 

This is an interesting read. You might find some useful into in here.

[ehead]

Thing is, none of those really describe her.

Maybe I'm just being needy.

But, she can be emotionally manipulative at times, and likes head games other times.

For example, it wouldn't surprise me if she is just making me sweat here.

Frustrates me, but it's just like her.

I guess she probably resents something I did still.

An endless cycle.

I had hoped my email would break it.

[jerbear]

Thing is, none of those really describe her.

Maybe I'm just being needy.

But, she can be emotionally manipulative at times, and likes head games other times.

For example, it wouldn't surprise me if she is just making me sweat here.

Frustrates me, but it's just like her.

I guess she probably resents something I did still.

An endless cycle.

I had hoped my email would break it.

 

I just got out of a relationship like that. She has guys around her and keeps them under control. Well she lost control over me and started to play games like manipulate / lie to a mutual friend to get my attention.

 

I doubt the email will work but it requires more time and more resources. How long was the relationship?

[gfto]

she's not interested. even if she was unnerved/unable to communicate/unsure what to say to your love letter, she would have still been talking to her. think its a lost cause mate

 

I agree. I hate to say it, but it sounds to me like you've already been dumped, but you're not seeing it yet. Generally, when you find yourself writing an e-mail such as the one you sent to this girl, it's already too late.

[Mary3]

I think she's gone....like dust in the wind.....

[babbah]

have she read the email? is she a busy person and have no time to read it?

have you asked her about it?

 

well, if she have read it..i think she's ignoring the email or dont care what was writen in there. maybe you should ask her about it...what's her say about the email.... coz i dont think she's interested either.

 

me and my gf have our blog and i used to post some mgs for her..and when she dont reply to that, i ask her right away if she have read it...

most of the time i know the reason for the delayed responses...she's busy. but i understand,.. and what she do is tell me personally what she have to say instead of writing it on the blog...at least i know.

 

ask her about it...by the way she answers you, you'll know if she's interested or not.

[ehead]

Just as an update ...

 

She finally replied, with probably the most genuine and beautiful email she has ever sent me. I literally started to cry while I was reading it. She told me she loved me more than she had ever known was possible.

 

I think my problem is I spend to much time thinking about this relationship. I guess it just means that much to me. My mind is just always on overdrive, analyzing and re-analyzing. Sometimes I feel like I am just going to drown with all these thoughts, and I need a life vest fast !

 

Have you ever found a really nice spot in your mind, where everything seems wonderful, but you are afraid you won't be able to find it again without help ? Or you are afraid it is only transient ?

 

Well, I think my gf and I have agreed to help each other find that spot.

 

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

[Kengne]

Just as an update ...

 

She finally replied, with probably the most genuine and beautiful email she has ever sent me. I literally started to cry while I was reading it. She told me she loved me more than she had ever known was possible.

 

I think my problem is I spend to much time thinking about this relationship. I guess it just means that much to me. My mind is just always on overdrive, analyzing and re-analyzing. Sometimes I feel like I am just going to drown with all these thoughts, and I need a life vest fast !

 

Have you ever found a really nice spot in your mind, where everything seems wonderful, but you are afraid you won't be able to find it again without help ? Or you are afraid it is only transient ?

 

Well, I think my gf and I have agreed to help each other find that spot.

 

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

 

Good for you hun!

 

As a quick note: you might want to look into what inspired your beautiful, emotional & N E E D Y email.

 

I say N E E D Y because you sent it, needing something back i.e. a response. If you had just sent it, JUST to send it and let her know how you felt - without expectations - it wouldn't have bothered you so much that she didn't reply to it (right away at least).

 

I mean - what if she HADN"T responded, at all? I'm sure you would not be feeling so upbeat. And that might be a problem, if let's say next time you're feeling needy & needing reassurance - and she doesn't come through.

 

Anwho... that's my 2 cents for now, and best of luck to the both of you!

 

K.

[Delectable]

Just as an update ...

 

She finally replied, with probably the most genuine and beautiful email she has ever sent me. I literally started to cry while I was reading it. She told me she loved me more than she had ever known was possible.

 

YAY...you lucky boy! Don't take those words for granted...I'm very happy for you! :bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :bunny:

[ehead]

@Kengne

I was definitely feeling needy, no doubt about it.

It's probably okay to be needy every once in a while, don't you think ?

 

I don't feel like I'm that needy in general. I think I'm somewhere in the middle. Sadly my gf is a touch needy herself, but isn't always the best at intuiting others needs. In her defense, she suffers from depression, and this is a pretty common trait among depression sufferers.

 

She met my emtional needs this time, though, and that's what's important. I worry about it though. Having your emotional needs met in a relationship is pretty important.

 

If she hadn't replied, I would definitely feel different right now. Especially considering I wasn't too subtle in my request for encouragement and affirmation. I probably would have interpreted it as her not caring enough to give, or her simply not having anything to give. Scary !! There for a bit I thought that might be the case.

 

I'm glad I was wrong.