I have issues...acting calm in awkward situations.

[kjcrimson3]

Hey people:

 

First of all, this site seems pretty cool and well put together with a good group of members that seem like they could help a brother in need.

 

Basically, I'm a homeschooled guy, and I really want to be able to meet girls more frequently. Not to seem steriotypical, but I'm not a geeky homeschooled guy at all...but, as the name implies, I don't ever get to meet girls with the ease that public/private schoolers have the prviliege of.

 

My problem lies in a form of desperation...I sometimes feel that here am I, 16 years old, am a people person, love talking, and yet I've never had a girl that I seriously liked her for who she was...and I find myself longing for someone to enjoy like this.

 

 

The other day, I applied for a job, and found myself sitting to some attractive girls, and was rather intimidated by the situation...I felt awkward...and...don't laugh, I blushed.

 

My question is...is this normal? My friends say that I'm 'socially deprived' and can't handle 'the heat', and wonder if they're really right...that this is due to my homeschooled nature.

 

So I dunno...do you guys have suggestions for me? I'm not trying to 'get a girlfriend', but I want to meet more girls, because I'm attracted to them, but homeschooling prevents me from this more than I like.

 

Is feeling akward and blushing normal? (Edit, I did handle the situation decently and adjusted well, but at first, I found myself not being able to look at them for more than 5 seconds because I'd blush...)...

 

Thanks for putting up with my rant....I feel that I need some suggestions.

 

Thanks a bunch guys.

[Elyssa]

Oh dear I feel for you.

 

My husband was also homeschooled all the way to college and he never had a girlfriend until he met me at the age of 26.

 

I agree with your friends that you probably are a little socially handicapped due to the limited contact you have had with people, but this can be fixed now that you're still so young.

 

Have you considered talking to your parents and see if you can do a couple years of high school? Explain to them your reasons calmly and they might actually agree with you. If this is not an option, remember you will eventually go to college... and with the college dorm life it's hard to not have a social life.

[Delectable]

aw honey TAKE IT FROM A GIRL do not believe a thing of what your friends are saying

 

First of all it is totally normal for you to be shy and btw we girls totally dig that

 

Second of all if a guy is totally comfortable in a group of new pretty girls...i will admit that confidence is sexy but the player red flag does shoot up pretty quickly for us.

 

Third of all...remember eye contact...we like the strong silent type..and a glance can work wonders...

[kjcrimson3]

Thanks for the help, I appreciate it.

 

So when you suggest eye contact...is this prolonged eye contact, or sporadic...? One other thing:

 

Sometimes, people tend to think that I'm a flirt when I talk to girls, of course, I never think that I am...I just like to talk to them! People, like my friends, will say that I flirt with most of the girls I talk to, but I'm completely oblivious to this...

 

My question is: How do you DEFINE flirting, and what do you girls think of it? Normally, I don't try to do anything...just exist and have a good time...but some see this as being flirting.

 

So I dunno...is it really a bad thing to flirt, and when you first meet a girl, (new question), what's a good mentality to have? When I do first meet a girl, I feel that I must get her name and some form of contact from her...or else all would be in vain. So how do you approach new people...is it kind of a 'care free' attitude or what?

 

Again, thanks for your help...glad I found this site to vent.

[kjcrimson3]

Oh, and to answer an earlier question...I'll be homeschooled through highschool; my pursuits require me to be homeschooled; I wouldn't have time to pursue them if I went to public/private school.

 

There are disadvantages to everything, I guess....maybe the summer will be better?

[littlepiggy1]

Don't be too hard on yourself. I was extremely introverted and shy when I was younger. If a pretty girl talked to me I'd just freeze up or start stammering.

 

The only way I got over that was to just put myself in more situations where I could talk to girls. Sure, I went through awkwardness and embarrassed myself on more than one occation. But eventually I got more comfortable.

[kjcrimson3]

Right...for me, it's starting the conversation.

 

Gearing up the guts to actually start the conversations, because I've rarely had the girl start things up via chit chat.

 

Once we get going, things normally go pretty well...I just can rarely muster the courage to start! Any advice or tips?

[littlepiggy1]

Right...for me, it's starting the conversation.

 

Gearing up the guts to actually start the conversations, because I've rarely had the girl start things up via chit chat.

 

Once we get going, things normally go pretty well...I just can rarely muster the courage to start! Any advice or tips?

 

Questions are your friend. Make up a list of general questions (where are you from, what music do you like, what hobbies do you have, etc) that you can ask to start and keep a conversation going. Oh, and don't forget to ask for her name and introduce yourself.

 

Another thing is to try to notice something about her that you have in common and start a conversation around that. For example, if you both take the same class, start talking about stuff about that. Or if you see with a magazine or book or whatever you like, ask/talk about it.

[kjcrimson3]

Questions are your friend. Make up a list of general questions (where are you from, what music do you like, what hobbies do you have, etc) that you can ask to start and keep a conversation going. Oh, and don't forget to ask for her name and introduce yourself.

 

Another thing is to try to notice something about her that you have in common and start a conversation around that. For example, if you both take the same class, start talking about stuff about that. Or if you see with a magazine or book or whatever you like, ask/talk about it.

When would you introduce yourself...as earlier as possible...or let her do it, or what?

[littlepiggy1]

When would you introduce yourself...as earlier as possible...or let her do it, or what?

 

Sooner is better. And by introducing yourself and asking for her name, you convey a sense of confidence.

[hyakku]

Hey people:

 

First of all, this site seems pretty cool and well put together with a good group of members that seem like they could help a brother in need.

 

Basically, I'm a homeschooled guy, and I really want to be able to meet girls more frequently. Not to seem steriotypical, but I'm not a geeky homeschooled guy at all...but, as the name implies, I don't ever get to meet girls with the ease that public/private schoolers have the prviliege of.

 

My problem lies in a form of desperation...I sometimes feel that here am I, 16 years old, am a people person, love talking, and yet I've never had a girl that I seriously liked her for who she was...and I find myself longing for someone to enjoy like this.

 

 

The other day, I applied for a job, and found myself sitting to some attractive girls, and was rather intimidated by the situation...I felt awkward...and...don't laugh, I blushed.

 

My question is...is this normal? My friends say that I'm 'socially deprived' and can't handle 'the heat', and wonder if they're really right...that this is due to my homeschooled nature.

 

So I dunno...do you guys have suggestions for me? I'm not trying to 'get a girlfriend', but I want to meet more girls, because I'm attracted to them, but homeschooling prevents me from this more than I like.

 

Is feeling akward and blushing normal? (Edit, I did handle the situation decently and adjusted well, but at first, I found myself not being able to look at them for more than 5 seconds because I'd blush...)...

 

Thanks for putting up with my rant....I feel that I need some suggestions.

 

Thanks a bunch guys.

 

Hey man I'm your age, public schooled, and I can tell you are at a bit of a disadvantage being homeschooled but you can still do it. First off the fear of the approach will never, ever go away. So instead you gotta learn to be comfortable with it.

 

Second, just start off by making friends. Most people form relationships by gaining social circles first and then dating people in the social circles they have developed by meeting people from friends in their own social circle.

 

Now man to approach, there's hundreds of ways, most generally get into an interesting conversation. I mean ask her opinion on something that you genuinely have a question about. I mean ask her, "Hey I need a female opinion on something. Do you think guys that are homeschooled have a harder time meeting ladies then guys who go to public school?" I mean that can get a huge conversation started right there. Again man just look at it as fun. And I want you to go out with these mindsets think this to yourself until you believe it.

 

Every Experienece I have with people will go positive. Always.

 

(See the over optimism there? If maybe ONE experience does it, I delete it from my mind. If I didn't do ANYTHING offensive, they have a problem, maybe they are having a bad day or whatever.)

 

Everyone I approach and interact with will enjoy my company.

 

(Because they will. Your a cool guy, your taking the time to learn how to be social when you were raised in a relatively low social environment. I mean they can learn a TON from you and you can learn a TON from them coming from two different backgrounds. Why WOULDN'T they enjoy your company?)

 

There is no Downside.

 

(If something goes bad there's something you can learn from it. There's never a downside.)

 

Second Class Behavior is unacceptable.

 

(you don't have to take crap behavior from yourself or anyone else, you deserve to be treated as equally as everyone else).

 

Disrespect of my time and property will not be tolerated.

 

(Again, if you are spending your time or you spent your own time gaining an item, your not going to let other people disrespect it, you worked hard for it man)

 

Life isn't fair, and that's GREAT news.

 

(Imagine if it was and you could do NOTHING to move your rank or status up in life? You were just born and had to stay where you were born, you could NEVER improve. How horrible would that be? That's why when things aren't going fair, be HAPPY because you can always become even BETTER)

 

I put myself and my life first.

 

(PLEASE DO NOT MISTAKE THIS FOR ARROGANCE. What I simply mean here, is that you have to think about yourself first before you can think of others. I mean if you can't make your own decisions how can you help other people make theirs? You can't be much help if you don't have your life together. THAT'S WHAT I MEAN, not I AM MORE IMPORTANT THEN OTHER PEOPLE).

 

I'm indifferent to the outcome.

 

(Again not being an a-hole, but you are meeting people for fun and to interact with them, nothing else. If something bad happens, all well, its their loss, your a cool guy man looking to make friends, if they wanna be jerks about it then they have just missed out on a good friend).

 

I live in my reality. I'm a cause not an effect.

 

(Simply meaning, you aren't going to let other people push you into crap you don't wanna do, and you make your own decisions, you can always take other peoples advice, you just don't wanna have other people dictacting your life. The second part is that YOU make things happen, things dont happen to YOU. And you DO man, you are making yourself become a more social person, you aren't getting down about it like so many others and going, "All well, life's not fair I should be going to a public school like normal kids. *whine whine whine*" And that's what's great about you. Your going, "Hey I can be homeschooled and STILL be social).

 

Again if you reaize in those mindsets there's no NEGATIVE in there. ALL POSITIVE. Positive people like to be around positive people. You want to be positive man, never negative. Again I live by these mindsets, I have them written down to always remind myself in case I ever go against some of these, because in all actuality,, they are good mindsets.

 

And a frame I always use whether I'm waking up, going out the door, going to work, etc, I always think:

 

"What interesting experience awaits me today?"

 

Because it can make even the most seemingly mundane outing (going to the grocery store) adventurous (SP?) and fun, because you are always looking for the next great thing that's going to happen to you. You create your own luck, people don't get lucky, you MAKE yourself lucky.

 

The other day, I applied for a job, and found myself sitting to some attractive girls, and was rather intimidated by the situation...I felt awkward...and...don't laugh, I blushed.

 

Totally natural man, don't let people say its not. Just open them all with a question that you are genuinly interested in the answer in. I mean I love asking the question, "Hey I need a females opinion. Who lies more, men or women?" after a minute I ask, "Alright well then who cheats more men or women"?. The answers are really surprising, and I also think that cultural upbringing has alot to do with it, because alot of people who are black (like myself) feel that men lie more, but women lie ALOT larger lies. Whereas I believe women cheat more because they can get away with it alot less then men, whereas alot of Spanish people (this is in North Jersey) say the exact opposite. Its a great question to really ask ANYONE.

 

Again man remember those mindsets, everyone you approach and interact with WILL enjoy your company.

 

 

btw we girls totally dig that

 

Eh....ok.... You dig him being too shy to talk to you all? I mean I understand what you are saying kind of just playing the devil's advocate, but at the same time, I think he would like to be able to talk to women without having a nervous breakdown .

 

Second of all if a guy is totally comfortable in a group of new pretty girls...i will admit that confidence is sexy but the player red flag does shoot up pretty quickly for us.

 

Definetly be confident man, I mean sure the player red flag may shoot up, but if you are confident it could just mean that you have a bunch of friends that are girls and so you are comfortable around women. Always try be comfortable man. I remember I actually got into a staring contest with some women on the bus and we had a little game going, and bam that opened a conversation right there. Again I know your nervous but its alot easier than it seems once you get used to it.

 

Eye contact is a must man, don't give her like your best Jason killer stare, but just eye contact where you feel almost a connection with each other.

 

Flirting can be almost anything. Generally i would catergorize them into two catergories:

 

Physical

 

And Content.

 

Content being the words you actually speak and physical being body language, the message you are really trying to communicate with your words, and anything that involves your body.

 

Content wise you could just be teasing each other and having fun joking on each other and it could be flirting.

 

Physically I mean a ton of crap is. Sometimes youc an flick a girl and when sh eflicks back (usually htey do) go, "Don't f*cking flick me". With a serious face. And then flick her again with a smile on andwhen she hits you back maybe go, "HEY you and me outside now punk!". I mean knocking into each other on purpose (I always bump into girls on purpose just for fun), I mean alot of people you can tell when they are attracted to each other by their body language. The things they do while they talk (prolonged eye contact, smiling alot, hitting each other (not hurting, like hitting each other in the arm, etc), you probably do know. I mean I've always kind of known what flirting was because it always just seemed so obvious, I don't really understand if a person can or can't know what flirting is, but you'll get used to it.

 

No its not a bad thing to flirt. Never, just don't take it over board or you might find yourself with a rape charge. Don't go in thinking, "I have to get a number contact and name or its a failure," because you are automatically going in with more stress and anxiety. Instead go in saying, "Hey they are going to enjoy my company, I'm going to enjoy theirs, and I'm just going to have a good time and be social. Whatever does happen afterwards, happens."

 

Again man those mindsets I suggest writing down, they work wonders.

[kjcrimson3]

Hyakku:

 

Wow...you're the man...I really, really appreciate your help...this is awesome. I'm sure I'll be reading your post for weeks/months to come...all future success will be credited to your name.

 

Heck, I might even have to print this thing off...

 

So basically, to sum up your life's mentality on women and talking and hanging w/them comfortability is:

 

Be positive, be Mr. Brightside (what a great song, btw), and be confident through body language, content in 'chatter'....is that about right?

 

This may seem contradicting, but I really don't have much of a problem TALKING to girls....it's just getting going. Again, with this job interview, I saw these two (beautiful, if I say so myself) walking in and was like "Too funny...of all the places for them to be (golf course)"...then I noticed they were walking past many open seats and sat right next to me. I was like "Wow...this is awesome and coincidental...but...I'm freaked." So I tried to look busy with the cell phone...I wish I had a book with me, lol. Now that I think back on it, there would've been room for discussion since they were filling out their applications...But yea, I didn't have the guts at the time to say a flippin' word to them...then some of their friends from school came by and talked to them, so I started talking to the dude to my left...cool guy...but he left 2 minutes later. I then made a phone call (left the room for 5 minutes or so) and came back, and as I sat down finally started talking to them...and things were pretty cool from there.

 

But man...the whole process leading up to it was AGONIZING. I mean, I LOVE talking...the few friends I have still cause me to use most of my monthly minutes on my cell phone....just love talking, but starting is hard...especially with attractive girls.

 

Anyhow, thanks again for your help....wonderful tips and observations.

[hyakku]

Hyakku:

 

Wow...you're the man...I really, really appreciate your help...this is awesome. I'm sure I'll be reading your post for weeks/months to come...all future success will be credited to your name.

 

Heck, I might even have to print this thing off...

 

So basically, to sum up your life's mentality on women and talking and hanging w/them comfortability is:

 

Be positive, be Mr. Brightside (what a great song, btw), and be confident through body language, content in 'chatter'....is that about right?

 

This may seem contradicting, but I really don't have much of a problem TALKING to girls....it's just getting going. Again, with this job interview, I saw these two (beautiful, if I say so myself) walking in and was like "Too funny...of all the places for them to be (golf course)"...then I noticed they were walking past many open seats and sat right next to me. I was like "Wow...this is awesome and coincidental...but...I'm freaked." So I tried to look busy with the cell phone...I wish I had a book with me, lol. Now that I think back on it, there would've been room for discussion since they were filling out their applications...But yea, I didn't have the guts at the time to say a flippin' word to them...then some of their friends from school came by and talked to them, so I started talking to the dude to my left...cool guy...but he left 2 minutes later. I then made a phone call (left the room for 5 minutes or so) and came back, and as I sat down finally started talking to them...and things were pretty cool from there.

 

But man...the whole process leading up to it was AGONIZING. I mean, I LOVE talking...the few friends I have still cause me to use most of my monthly minutes on my cell phone....just love talking, but starting is hard...especially with attractive girls.

 

Anyhow, thanks again for your help....wonderful tips and observations.

 

 

Exactly, the fear of the approach isn't going to go away, so instead learn to live with in comfortable. Always be happy, and when other people WANT you to become sad (because you know it happens. Sometimes a woman might break up with you and instead of getting sad you keep living life as usual, she feels its her right to maybe point out you should be upset or something, thing is, you don't have to be, you can be in control of your emotions), don't let them.

 

Hey its not contradictory at ALL, in fact, MANY guys have this problem, getting a conversation rolling, is the hardest part, once your in it, no problem. Due to this, you should have THREE default things to say when you wanna meet women (because I mean beautiful women rarely travel alone). Some of mine are:

 

"Hey, I don't have too much time, but I need a female's opinion. Who lies more men or women?" I'll let them talk, we'll shoot the breeze then go, "Alright who cheats more men or women?" Keep talking then you can stack with:

 

"Well, real quick because I really do need to go soon, do you think men and women can truly stay friends after a break up?" Then I mean after that maybe, "Alright well do you think men and women can have open relationships with each other, like dating other people without one or the other getting jealous?" And I mean of course you'll be flirting and teasing in between all this but I mean I ask because they are interesting questions to get answers too.

 

Again though you can use your "disadvantage" as an "advantage". Get a UNIQUE opener for yourself, not many guys are homeschooled imagine how many people would be interested in it. I mean I can guarantee you there's going to be women (especially our age) that are going to go, "That's so school , your so lucky being homeschooled!" And bam, conversation starts going. So I mean maybe you can open with "Hey quick question and I need a female's perspective, do you think guys that are homeschooled are at a disadvantage with meeting new people?" You don't have to say women you can say people. Again I mean that's not the very best but I mean it can get a conversation going.

 

What's your aim/msn? I'd like to talk in person if you want, always up for meeting new people and if you ever need anything I can help out .