elspectator Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Hello, i need some help with this one.... Me and my girlfriend go to college together. However, it's getting to the point where she wants to see me between each and every class as well as after classes. I really don't see myself having any time anymore....i don't see much of my friends, family, nor do i have much time to do my college work. I told her today that perhaps it was best that we only see each other after our classes are over on the weekdays. She didn't take it too nicely, she said it's only been two weeks or so since we've seen each other day in and day out (pretty much since the semester started) and that she never said that i couldn't hang out with friends or do my work. The problem is that every time i tell her i'm going to be with a friend or doing college work she takes it somewhat personally, as if i don't care about her. I really need some help here. I love this woman, and i've known her long enough to know that she'll respect the fact that i have things i need to take care of if i play my cards right. It's just that i'm not very good at vocalizing things I want to say. She's pretty damn pissed at me right now cause i said that and i'm sure some time would ease her up a bit, but i could really use some advice as to what to say to her next/what to do next. Thanks in advance.... Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 My suggestion.. sit down with her again, and explain that there are things that you Have to do between classes. That you love her, and want to see her, but it's not about the quantity of time the two of you have together, but the quality of the time. If you're distracted, or have things you need to get done, then you can't devote your full attention to her. Let her know that you want to be able to do this, but you are not going to set aside the things you need to do 100% of the time. There needs to be a give and take. If she understands this... then when you see her in between classes and you have things you need to take care, you should be able to tell her this. If you have the time, spend 5-10 minutes catching up. And then politely explain that you would love to catch up with her later that evening, but you have to (insert whatever). One of the ways you can make it easier on her is to set up times to meet later. So that she feels confident that you will make the time for her later that day. Lets her know she is important to you, and you aren't just blowing her off. I guess the biggest thing is to explain to her that although she is important to you, so is school. And also that a relationship will not work if each person is not able to retain some of the individuality. Which means, if you want to hang out with a friend, then she needs to allow you that space. There are a lot of gray areas here. And ways that you could approach this. But to me, it sounds as if she's just asking for reasurance on your feelings for her. And is attempting to reassure herself that you feel she is important in your life. But if you don't set boundaries, and she doesn't respect them, then it will only lead to more resentment. Be firm, but reassuring. If you want an exact quote to use.... "Hi hunny... I would love to talk to you right now, but I've got to study. If you're free tonight though, I would love to get together with you. Can I give you a call?" (Or set up a time to see her) Link to post Share on other sites
Author elspectator Posted February 22, 2006 Author Share Posted February 22, 2006 Walk, this sounds like really good advice, thanks a lot. Firm but reassuring.....i guess i'll find out how this goes on monday since thats when she agreed to see me. We kind of argued a bit since the first post and I learned that she revolves her free time around my schedule (yeah, after 6 months she just tells me this) She never told me what she did while I was busy with work/classes but that was HER free time. So basically she was always free when i was......she's not too much of a talking type (except when she's arguing) That's basically why I never really had time to myself.....her busy time was scheduled around mine. I mean, that's really sweet of her, but i would appreciate some time to myself as well......gotta tell her that. Thanks again for the advice..... Link to post Share on other sites
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