DWJK Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 1.) THE NICE GUY: Any man who exibits any combination of the following behaviors, a.) Low self-esteem; doesn't value himself highly. Might be out of past failures or other deep-rooted emotional issues b.) Constantly seeks approval/validation/attention from others, usually out of a low amount of self-worth (See a.) c.) Insecure; doesn't feel that a high quality person should like him (See a. so is constantly fearful that he will lose them d.) Controlling/posessive/domineering/clingy/suffocating behavior; overcalling, etc.. (See c.) e.) Idealizes potential mates (overlooks flaws AKA "Puts them on a pedastal") as well as relationships (invests large amounts of emotion/time/energy/money into relationships early on) f.) Doesn't take responsibility for his actions g.) Claims he's victimized; attributes his own flaws and shortcomings to external circumstances and/or other people (See f.) h.) Self-concious/nervous around attrative women; Cares what others think, doesn't want anyone to dissaprove of him (See b.) i.) Strong amounts of jealously (See d.); makes people feel guilty when they enjoy time WITHOUT him k.) Kisses-up/trys to be totally agreeable/submissive to try and "score points" with a woman l.) Doesn't lead; he's submissive, always wants to make sure EVERYTHING he's doing is okay with her; over-apologetic m.) Doesn't draw boundaries; gives women whatever they want in return for love/sex/approval; accepts second-class behavior for the possible reward of the aforementioned. Doesn't say "No" very often; doesnt want to cause any "waves" (See h.) n.) Poor/weak body language; little or no eye contact, leans foward out of nervousness, fast/jerky movements, nervous ticks/figety habits, hands in pockets, bad posture/doesn't stand up straight o.) Is easily emotionally destabilized; gets worked up over meaningless things p.) Common use of self-deprecating humor to get approval/pity/empathy (See b.) q.) Feels guilt for his natural sexual desires, maybe even LOOKING an a woman r.) Whines/complains; usually to get pity/empathy s.) Favors short-sighted/instant gratification thinking The "nice-guy" is the personification of attributes in a man that women ultimately DO NOT feel attraction for. Any man who wants to have genuine sucess with women should AVOID these at all costs Women all around the globe, despite different backgrounds and upbringing, generally respond the same way to this type of man. Nice-guys almost always act victimized and attribute their lack of sucess to outside factors they claim are out of their control. They think that it's not their fault (I.E "SHE'S IMMATURE FOR LIKING BAD BOYS" "SHE DOESNT RECOGNIZE GOOD GUYS WHEN SHE SEES THEM" "SHE HAS ISSUES" Sound familiar?). Many nice-guys harbor a [secret] belief that they're better than other men ("I bought her 20 roses on the 2nd date" "I waited in the rain for her for 3 hours" "I lent her money when she went over her credit card limit). However, the reality is that if you're doing something [NICE] to get something in return, you are being MANIPULATIVE. Nice guys will go through their entire lives living in a continual state of self-deception; convinced that they are "Good guys" and that they are better than others. The fact of the matter is that nice guys do not have traits that make them appealing/attractive to the opposite sex. The lack everything in a man that practically every woman wants. And that man is... 2.) THE REAL MAN: Any man who exibits any combination of the following behaviors. a.) Has a HIGH amount of self-esteem; views himself as high-status b.) Doesnt need any outside approval or attention from ANYONE to be happy c.) Unself-concious; doesnt care what others thinks of him d.) Is NEVER insecure or nervous (espcially around desireable women), and he sub-communicates this in every little way e.) Self-confident; NEVER arrogant or insecure, POSSIBLY slightly-cocky. May tease women in a friendly way f.) Does not let outside events/other peoples opinions (See c.) emotionally destabilize him; is always in control of his emotions g.) Takes full responsibility for all of his actions h.) Never whines or complains to get approval or empathy; always accepts the world for exactly what it is i.) Judges people based on character and personality.. NOT outward appearance/material items j.) Can be brutally honest (while still being respectful) with everyone(including himself) and is not afraid to put someone in their place when they are out of line; isn't afraid to speak his mind k.) Isn't afraid to draw boundaries l.) Mature.. in every sense of the word m.) Has a PURPOSE in life that he never betrays and pro-actively/ambitiously works towards n.) Goal-oriented thinker; favors long-term gratification over short (See l.) o.) Isn't afraid to lead and take control of a situation; doesnt have hesitancy moving foward p.) Never feels ashamed for his sexual desires & needs; always sexually confident q.) Is always "himself", and is content with whatever that is (See a.) r.) Doesn't tolerate disrespect to himself, his property, or his time s.) Doesn't let women use their sexual power to get anything (whether it be money, or self-respect) from him t.) Loyal u.) Compassionate v.) Independant w.) Is perfectly happy and fufilled being single; sure, he'd like to find an attractive/beautiful/intelligent woman to spend time with but he doesnt NEED it x.) Comfortable in the presence of other high-status and/or sophisticated people y.) Doesnt experience jealousy; is perfectly fine when a woman exersizes her independence and encourages it; enjoys it when others shine z.) Strong/confident/powerful body language (Stands up straight, doesnt break eye contact, doesnt have any nervous ticks, doesnt have quick/jerky movements, leans back out of self-confidence and lack of nervousness) a1.) Doesn't feel the need to compensate for himself through gifts, expensive restaurants (Doing either of these things from a place of confidence and high-value is on the other hand OKAY) a2.) DOESNT invest all his emotion/time into a relationship too early on. He remains an ambiguous challenge The real man is the polar opposite of the "nice-guy". He is the manfestation of traits in a man that woman universally & naturally feel the emotion of attraction for. Throughout history, real men have been featured in movies and literature. The following quote was taken from 'Dangerous Men and Adventerous Women', a book about the appeal of romance novels to women, "Given that conflict is a requirement of all good fiction, especially good genre fiction, and given that the conflict must arise out of the primary focus of the story, it is understandable that in a romance novel conflict must exist between the hero and heroine. The hero in a romance is the most important challenge the heroine must face and conquer. The hero is her real problem in the book, not whatever trendy issue or daring adventure is also going on in the subplot. In some way, shape, or form, in some manner either real or perceived on the heroine's part, the hero must be a source of emotional and, yes, sometimes physical risk. He must present a genuine threat. The hero must be part villain or else he won't be much of a challenge for a strong woman. The heroine must put herself at risk with him if the story is to achieve the level of excitement and the particular sense of danger that only a classic romance can provide. And the flat truth is that you don't get much of a challenge for a heroine from a sensitive, understanding, right-thinking "modern" man who is part therapist, part best friend, and thoroughly tamed from the start. You don't get much of a challenge for her from a neurotic wimp or a good-natured gentleman-saint who never reveals a core of steel. And it is that core of steel at the center of a good romance hero that makes it all worth while." (A -perfect- example of a real man would be Rhett Butler in Gone With The Wind. He's never afraid to point out when someone is acting childish or out of line He's always comfortable in the face of danger or other high status people He doesn't care what others think of him And many more..) ------------------------------- [On a side note] women don't have control over who they are attracted to, the same way that men don't have control over which women turn them on. It's a completely unconcious process that we dont have GENUINE control over. So beliefs like "Once she figures how I feel about her, she'll have no choice but to love me!" could not be further from the truth. Women cannot feel the powerful gut-level emotion of attraction for you through LOGICAL resoning/telling her all your feelings/"winning her over" with gifts, etc... This was a post taken from this thread. (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t53288/) "My first bf was absolutely in love with me. He was the nicest guy I ever went out with. Total gentleman. Sincere. A great listener. Handsome. With all of this I let him go. Why? I still don't know!!! Up to this point he still tells everyone I was the one broke his heart, his first and only love. He was the closest to perfect that there can be. He stayed in love with me for 7 years and he has always thrown it in my face that I let go of someone who really cared for me and loved me to date guys that were jerks. He says I like the bad life. He is a real good friend now, so he tell me how he sees it. He always asks me why did I leave him. He tells me that I like bad a**es, which might be true!!! Why? Again, I don't know Sometimes I think he was TOO nice, too perfect. I wish I could have made my heart fall in love with him instead, everything would be different." This is a perfect example of logic vs. emotion. Her logical brain says she SHOULD feel attracted to him, but there just isnt that spark; that elusive chemistry that men strive for and that women crave. And I should metion, that he sounds like a victimized nice-guy, who is STILL trying to get her back and STILL seeking approval and sympathy from her (by rubbing it in her face and reminding her). ------------------------------- There's no denying that women respond strongy to these kind of men. The real man is a archetype for the next kind of man.. 3.) "THE BAD BOY" The bad boy is a man who posses certain appealing qualities of a real-man, but packaged along with negative traits He may be physically and/or emotionally abusive, harbor bad-habits (drug abuse, alcholism, etc..), objectify or degrade women, etc.. The bad boy is appealing because he shares traits with the real-man. The bad boy and real the real man should NEVER get confused. They are two very different creatures; one is a mature man while the other is simply a boy in a mans body; a neotenous adult.
luvtoto Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 1.) THE NICE GUY: Any man who exibits any combination of the following behaviors, a.) Low self-esteem; doesn't value himself highly. Might be out of past failures or other deep-rooted emotional issues b.) Constantly seeks approval/validation/attention from others, usually out of a low amount of self-worth (See a.) c.) Insecure; doesn't feel that a high quality person should like him (See a. so is constantly fearful that he will lose them d.) Controlling/posessive/domineering/clingy/suffocating behavior; overcalling, etc.. (See c.) e.) Idealizes potential mates (overlooks flaws AKA "Puts them on a pedastal") as well as relationships (invests large amounts of emotion/time/energy/money into relationships early on) f.) Doesn't take responsibility for his actions g.) Claims he's victimized; attributes his own flaws and shortcomings to external circumstances and/or other people (See f.) h.) Self-concious/nervous around attrative women; Cares what others think, doesn't want anyone to dissaprove of him (See b.) i.) Strong amounts of jealously (See d.); makes people feel guilty when they enjoy time WITHOUT him k.) Kisses-up/trys to be totally agreeable/submissive to try and "score points" with a woman l.) Doesn't lead; he's submissive, always wants to make sure EVERYTHING he's doing is okay with her; over-apologetic m.) Doesn't draw boundaries; gives women whatever they want in return for love/sex/approval; accepts second-class behavior for the possible reward of the aforementioned. Doesn't say "No" very often; doesnt want to cause any "waves" (See h.) n.) Poor/weak body language; little or no eye contact, leans foward out of nervousness, fast/jerky movements, nervous ticks/figety habits, hands in pockets, bad posture/doesn't stand up straight o.) Is easily emotionally destabilized; gets worked up over meaningless things p.) Common use of self-deprecating humor to get approval/pity/empathy (See b.) q.) Feels guilt for his natural sexual desires, maybe even LOOKING an a woman r.) Whines/complains; usually to get pity/empathy s.) Favors short-sighted/instant gratification thinking I've been seeing a "NICE GUY" for almost two months now. To be honest, he has none of those qualities that were listed above. He's just shy.
TeaCooler Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 i think it's a nice thought, but you can't pin people down this way. what you described really isn't a "nice-guy." that's a wimp. a wuss. a not-so-manly man. or man who doubts himself, but is still a man nonetheless. there's alllllllllll kinds. you can some up what a man* should be in one word--balanced. *which goes for women as well.
Author DWJK Posted February 7, 2006 Author Posted February 7, 2006 I've been seeing a "NICE GUY" for almost two months now. To be honest, he has none of those qualities that were listed above. He's just shy. Then he isn't a nice guy (By my definition), he is another archetype of man that I didn't look over The point of this post was to indentify things that men do that attract women versus what doesnt attrac them i think it's a nice thought, but you can't pin people down this way. what you described really isn't a "nice-guy." that's a wimp. a wuss. a not-so-manly man. or man who doubts himself, but is still a man nonetheless. there's alllllllllll kinds. you can some up what a man* should be in one word--balanced. *which goes for women as well. You cant define my label with other label... I could have called the "nice guy" a wuss-bag, a pussy, or wimp- it doesnt matter. All that matters is the behaviors that he pocesses and how he shows himself to women
TeaCooler Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 You cant define my label with other label... I could have called the "nice guy" a wuss-bag, a pussy, or wimp- it doesnt matter. All that matters is the behaviors that he pocesses and how he shows himself to women okay. but when a lot of people think of "nice guy" they think of a guy who helps little old ladies across the street, who calls his mother once a week, who buys flowers for his grandmother, and washes his grandfather's car. not so much what you described...which to a lot of people would fit the "wuss-bag" category. i mean, you don't usullally hear things like "this is a cat: he barks, he fetches balls, he eats bones, he chews up my shoes and his leash, and he's so big that he walks me instead of me walking him." and then saying well, the label doesn't matter, the behavior does. because the label does matter--a cat isn't a dog. i don't know, just my opinion. not trying to argue.
SmoochieFace Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 *sigh* We have seen this topic being brought up over a bazillion times. Why must it be resurrected seemingly every week or so? One would think that the stench of a constantly exhumed corpse would dissuade people from performing this tired and pointless exercise in futility.
alphamale Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 yeah this is great stuff....unfortuantely i've already covered it a hundred times.
HotCaliGirl Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 alpha is the expert here lol but it's still confusing sometimes I think a nice guy can have most of the attributes listed for the "real man" as long as he doesn't act like a jerk, and is not big-headed, he can qualify for the nice guy category. Characters such as strong jealousy can be attributed to any type of person...and some are like TeaCooler says a wimp. The difference lies in being a jerk or else a nice guy in the true meaning of the word. Maybe there ar 3 categories - nice, bad, wimp
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