BlahBlahQueen Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 I'm getting over "Adam" now... it's tough... don't know whether I'm still in love with him or not, but it sure is a confusing and somewhat painful time for me... and I was wondering if it would be wise for me to start dating again. It's been two weeks since our breakup and I only got real closure on it today. I've been banging one of my friends to ease the pain, but that's only for sex and companionship... now I'm wondering if it would be wise to start dating again. There's a saying in Cuban Spanish that goes "un clavo no saca al otro"... one nail doesn't extract the other... (nail like the kind you hammer, not a fingernail)... but I'm wondering if I actually can make it easier on me by filling the hole in my heart, at least temporarily... There's this guy I like; he's adorable and sweet and loads of fun... he wants to be with me... so should I give it a go, or is it too soon? Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 "Replacing" the ex souds similar to replacing a worn out appliance with another of the same model, only new and, hopefully, improved but still the same model nonetheless. How about you move and grow beyond the ex? If I were you I'd give it some time and space rather than a rush to relationship just to be in one. You have heard of "rebound," I'm sure. It's a slippery slope! I think I'd also hold off on the "novacaine." Link to post Share on other sites
incognito Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Well...first, I agree....I wouldn't be thinking of it as "replacing the ex". I certainly wouldn't want to replace mine...despite our problems, he was still a significant part of my life at one time. But, moving on and getting over him sounds like a great idea. I have discovered that, for myself....I am not ready to "date" but I am ready to expand my circle of friends, including that of the male persuasion I am not in any way over my ex...but being w/ other people certainly helps me not think about him and sit and cry all night. I have been up front w/ both myself and the guys I'm spending time w/....not ready to date, if we did...it would just be rebounding...NOT READY TO DATE, lol. They don't listen but, as long as I am keeping myself and my feelings in check, then I'm ok. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 BBQ, If it's still painful and confusing, you'd better wait. Keep banging the friend. That is, unless, you start becoming attached to him, -which isn't recommended, either. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlahBlahQueen Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 The last few days have been chaotic. Against all advice, I started dating the nice, cute guy, whom we'll call Vince. Hell, I was lonely, and the friend wasn't cutting it. Vince continues to be a sweetheart, but a huge problem ensued when I realized he can't get it up for me. What a bummer. He says it's because he's been sick, but I think it's either anxiety or impotence... I know he's attracted to me. He's not the most interesting guy on earth, and he's always depressed, but he's such a fun-loving sweetheart I can forgive it. But man, several attempts at sex/fellatio/handjobs/general seduction all failed miserably... Vince just can't pop a boner with me. Case closed. A few days ago, I arranged a friendly dinner date with Adam, because we hadn't seen each other in a couple of weeks and I wanted to maintain a friendship. The spark was still flamingly there... we had a magical (oh, that word keeps popping up to describe our relationship) evening, and then we got to talking about "us". He said he felt that I think too much whereas he has forsaken the thinking process completely in favor of this flowy zen state, and my thinking bothers him, and therefore we can never be in the same world... I know for a fact that he thinks about things too, he just doesn't want ME to. It really really bothers him. This is what I get for dating otherworldly artist guys. I swear we were thisclose to getting back together. Then in the car, he asked me if I'd slept with anyone while we were broken up. Of course, I was honest and answered yes. Now, mind you, I had spoken to him a week earlier and asked him if it was truly over between us and if it was OK to start dating other people, and he had said yes. But he got so angry when I told him! He was so hurt, and I saw tears in his eyes as he growled at me... I was hurt at his line of thinking as well, because it's OK for him to call everything off as long as I'm still holding a candle for him? I'm supposed to become a nun while he rejects our relationship? No, screw that, I say. I stormed out of the car crying, and I called him afterward and asked him to reconsider; I told him I believe we were meant to be, and he said I'm wrong, and he never wants to talk to me again. Well, there goes our band *lol*... sigh, I f***ing love him so f***ing much... he hasn't contacted me since. I was miserable and called an acquaintance of mine - heretofore named Steve - and told him what happened and asked him if he wanted to hit a bar with me. Steve is the most drop-dead-gorgeous male specimen I have ever laid eyes on, EVER. No joke. Stunning. Used to model. I thought it would be a friendly outing since I considered him slightly out of my league, but apparently I gave myself too little credit, because "one night at the bar" turned into a three-day hiatus at his house. He's incredibly witty, playful, funny, well-read, verbose, laid-back, good-natured, affectionate, gentlemanly, thoughtful... Good dancer too, good lay, and a licensed massage therapist. (Ladies, you can hate me now!) It sucks taking him to music venues, because he's invariably the hottest guy in the room and he knows everyone, and female friends just wantonly grope him... I've never been a jealous type, but that's just too much One problem: last night, in a moment of alcohol-induced indiscretion, I asked him if he wanted to "be with me"... he gave no answer. But this morning it seemed nothing had changed; he was still as affectionate as ever. I came home because I'm sick and need some R&R, and I didn't want him to get bored of me. Now I find out that my soul mate "Trent" is out of jail. (He was put in for a bull$hit DUI charge while on a road trip, so don't worry that he's some sociopath; could happen to anyone.) Trent was my last long-term relationship. We made a vow that if he started taking antidepressants to stop his incessant fight-picking, we'd get back together and eventually get married. I must admit, I have compared every man to him. And my love for him is more deep-rooted than my love for Adam. Maybe less fiery because we'd been together for so long, but much more real. All my friends refer to him as Mr. Perfect because that's how I describe him. He really is the perfect man. What every man should aspire to be. My perfect male counterpart. He got out yesterday and spent the night at a cellmate's boyfriend's house. (Funny side-note: the boyfriend tried to unzip Trent's pants four times while he was sleeping. Trent is 6'2", 180 lbs, and an Irish punker... I suggest the dude leave him alone before he gets his lights punched out ) So I sent him a bus ticket to get back home... And now, the all-important question: WHAT DO I DO? Someone please help me arrange my love life, because it's a bit out of hand. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 I cannot keep track of all these dudes -- surely their respective relative importance must be overstated since there are so many of them. Either that or you must have a big heart... Dunno what to tell you about the guy who dumped you a few weeks back. Surely, if he breaks it off he should assume he has no right to complain about what you do, however, if I broke up with a girl and found out she was comfortable getting it on with other people so soon after, that certainly would confirm that breaking up was for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Blahblah, you definitely have your hands full. Wow. I do have a question, do you feel you *need* someone in your life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlahBlahQueen Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 I don't *need* someone in my life, but someone will invariably be there. I guess I just have a hard time choosing. I really don't have the heart to throw any of them out of my life... But if Adam took me back, I'd ditch them all, except Trent because Trent is my best friend first and foremost. Let's say for the sake of argument that I was interested in pursuing Steve and creating some chemistry there. How would I go about that? I see him engage in fascinating conversation with others, but it tends to go dry with me... my tongue gets tied, I try too hard and end up talking like a fool, his side of it seems forced... crap, I should have become better friends with him before I slept with him. I'm supposed to call him today to make a lunch date, but even though I like him a lot, I feel kind of awkward, so I think I'll pass... Aack, this always happens to me with the ones I perceive as too good for me! Link to post Share on other sites
ms_jnj Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Well if ya ask me (which is pretty much what you did;) ) two weeks is a bit early. After a big break up I tried to date two months after and it was too early...obviously it depends on the person but I think two weeks is too early for just about anyone. At that point...emotions are still swirling, and it's hard to even know what to look for in a new partner. This was my experience anyway. Why not give yourself a break for a while? Do some things to make yourself happy, find a new hobby, or do something relaxing on a weekly basis....maybe go tanning, get a massage a peticure, whatever. After my major break up I started going to the gym regularly because it provided an outlet for my stress and anger (plus I lost some weight and felt awesome about myself) and I started keeping aquariums, which helped distract me. I got a totally new and different hair cut for fun...it has been nice taking time for myself, and I've gained more interests and more confidence in the process. And I had a lot of time to think about what I wanted in my next boyfriend, I set my standards and am pleased with them. Anyway, I'd just advise to wait a bit and give yourself some "me time" before jumping right back out into the dating world. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 so many dudes, so little time... i got confused trying to work out which dude you were banging when. you sound confused. take a break. Link to post Share on other sites
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