GuySimple Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Why do women, and men for that matter, always want to talk about their previous relationship/marriage when they are with someone new. I've had a few coffee/drink dates over the past couple of weeks and each women eventually started to talk about their separation/divorce. Even when I politely suggested that, that was in the past and maybe let’s concentrate on the present moment. I'm not saying that I don't have issues with my wife but I don't think it is fair or right to discuss them with a date. Am I off base here? Link to post Share on other sites
Sloppy Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 I KNOW!!!!! OMG!!! I have actually learned to use that to find out if they are actually OVER his or her ex. I usually ask if appropriate. If I get a short answer that is respectful to the xSO, I know I'm OK and dealing with a decent person. When I get answers that take 1 hour to explain and include things such as 'that SOB', that who*re, I hate him/her or anything not respecting the past R, I run. Been there too many times:p Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Slop, I used to do the same thing when I was dating. You can tell SO much from someone's answer. Guy, this was also a pet-peeve of mine when I was dating. I always thought it was in poor taste. I mean of course, later on in the relationship it's appropriate but certainly not in the early stages of dating. No class. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 It is stupid because as soon as it's out there, you know you're going to be compared. Maybe it's not intentional, but hey - It's out there. I think it could be a case of nervousness, or letting the other person know past history. It's weird... Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 I think some people do it to indirectly let you know a little bit about themselves in the context of a relationship - how they respond to certain things in relationships, what they like and don't like, what hurts them, what makes them happy etc. I fully believe that talking about the ex has a self-centered motivation rather than just wanting to share intimate details about someone else. Some people define themselves in terms of their relationships, and in letting you know who they are - they give it to you in the context of a relationship with someone else. Part of the whole 'getting to know you' process. Is it appropriate? I'm with you - I seriously don't want to hear it that early on myself really, but I can understand why people do it. Link to post Share on other sites
FataMorgana Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Why do women, and men for that matter, always want to talk about their previous relationship/marriage when they are with someone new. I've had a few coffee/drink dates over the past couple of weeks and each women eventually started to talk about their separation/divorce. Even when I politely suggested that, that was in the past and maybe let’s concentrate on the present moment. I'm not saying that I don't have issues with my wife but I don't think it is fair or right to discuss them with a date. Am I off base here? Well, depends on each person and also about the level of detail they start getting into. I don't mind hearing a bit about each person's past, is what makes them what they are now. Also if someone still have serious issues about past relationship/s wouldn't you rather know now, right at the beggining so you can make some sort of informed decision? But at the same time I don't want to know what type of underware the ex was wearing.... I think most people feel kind of obliged to tell you a bit about themselves and past relationships are worth mentioning as they are big part of themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Relationships are what people talk about most. Almost no matter who they are talking to. Talking about a past relationship is evidence that the person was hurt and doesn't completely understand why. They may or may not be over the person they lost. But they definitely haven't come to terms with the loss. It's human nature. It's not all bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GuySimple Posted October 31, 2005 Author Share Posted October 31, 2005 Hearing about their past is OK. But hearing about every freaking detail of their divorce and the continuing saga is a bit much. On a first date I am not at the therapist stage. On one date with a fairly cool lady I felt comfortable enough by saying “look why waist this time taking about your ex, is he really worth it”. That ended that conversation, she laughed and apologized and we’ve had nice conversations since. If they are in a crappy mood because of something involving their ex I’m OK if they tell me that. Tell me how they are feeling even. But don’t relive the past 5 years in a 3 hour date. That’s such a waste. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Maybe they forget they're on a date and the flood gates just open ... Meanwhile, you're left sitting there like wtf is this? Link to post Share on other sites
Sloppy Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Or you can start comparing your relationships and have a contest of who had it worse That's my dream date:mad: Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 The urge to turn a date into a therapy session must be fought. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Why do women, and men for that matter, always want to talk about their previous relationship/marriage when they are with someone new. Because they're still hurting or just like the drama. Link to post Share on other sites
konfuzd Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Past relationships define how you approach present relationships. I think you can learn a lot about a person by openly talking about past relationships. I am completely o.k. with discussing exes on a date. I know full well that the person has a past, and it totally affects how your relationship will be. I recently went on a first date with someone who told me straight out that he had his ex's name tatooed on the inside of his lip. I was taken aback, but appriciated that he was so open and honest about it. I asked why he told me about it, since he obviously didn't have to, and he said he just felt comfortable enough with me to open up, and wanted to give me the option to back away if something like that would bother me. It also gives him a sense of how open minded I am, and will accept him for who he is, and how he got to be that way. Link to post Share on other sites
MakeMeBeautiful Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 i have a tendency to talk about past relationships. to me the relationship is over and the reason why i can talk so openly about it is because I am over the guy and the relationship. i always want to know about a guy's previous relationship and find out why things didn't work and other things like that. it wasn't until i was dating a guy named wes that i really understood. wes made it perfectly clear to me that he didn't want to hear about my past. i didn't realize guys didn't like to hear about my past relationships and didn't like to talk about their past relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Milo Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 I once went on a date with a cute girl with long brown hair. We went to a nice Italian restaurant. She obviously didn't shave her legs or underarms, and I didn't care. But at dinner, she told a story about a guy she met in a bar who she gleefully raised her arms in front of and grossed out. She thought it was cute how it bothered him. So, I guess if she had some sulfurous farts, she would have delighted in letting loose those to torture this poor shmuck. She also talked about how her ex liked to give her head. I mentally checked off the box "Do not call". Ha ha ha. I ran into her at some point later when she hooked up with a new beau. Glad it wasn't me. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 it wasn't until i was dating a guy named wes that i really understood. wes made it perfectly clear to me that he didn't want to hear about my past. i didn't realize guys didn't like to hear about my past relationships and didn't like to talk about their past relationships. Wes sounds like me. Link to post Share on other sites
glittergurl Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 I find it plain rude and disrespectful. No excuses for that. I've noticed that guys seem to do it because they somehow think it makes them sound "popular" if they mention several ex girlfriends. With girls/women it seems to be different; I get the feeling it's more about complaining and living up the drama (as if guys really fall for that sh?t ....) Link to post Share on other sites
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