rebound or more?

[fred123]

how do you know if you are a rebound or if you might end up marrying the girl? how can one tell?

[PRW]

If you are already wondering if you are going to marry her and you don't know her well enough to know if you are a rebound,...then you aren't going to marry the girl,...and I give the whole thing less than a month and it will be over.

[fred123]

what im trying to say is when a girl dates you how do you know if she is rebounding with you or sees u as someone serious , esp when she is not over her ex or has just got out of a relationship

[Mr.Me]

Time.......tells it all.....

A rebound, typically a few months to a year.

 

Marriage....intended to be a lifetime.

[PRW]

what im trying to say is when a girl dates you how do you know if she is rebounding with you or sees u as someone serious , esp when she is not over her ex or has just got out of a relationship

It's easy,....who cares?

 

What I mean is that you you approach it the right way at the right pace and don't get hung up on "heavy subjects",...the whole rebound thing becomes irrelevant.

 

Here is an outline I wrote sometime back to guide guys a little with this stuff. I haven't posted it in a long time,...so maybe it is due to be reposted:

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This is an outline that I often give guys who struggle with the early dating process. Now if you are a guy that is good with women and successful at dating then this isn't for you. It is simply intended as a framework to help keep things from going off the rails and creating a train wreck.

 

Phase One – a few weeks to a month long

 

It begins when the guy offers a girl a specific date once a week and sets the date for a week away. You are making her an offer, present it that way ("Let's go do..." instead of "Would you like to go do...". Plan it out ahead of time so you already know what you are offering. A good pattern is ask on Monday or Tues for a weekend date. No “fuzzy” dates! She needs a specific time/day/place. If you hit a day she can’t do it and she actually wants to spend time with you she will give you a counter offer or at least let you know in some way that it is ok to try again later. If she does neither of those then she probably isn’t into you. A compromise option would be to ask her when she is free to get together then offer a specific time/day/place.

 

No chit-chatting, texting/calling between setting the date and arriving on the date, but if she contacts you then be nice, pleasant, friendly, chat with her a bit, but keep it short. This is important to build anticipation for the date so both parties are excited to see each other when they arrive. No confirmation calls, but if they contact you accept it and don't give them a hard time about it. It demonstrates integrity of both parties when they actually show up for the date without needing to be reassuring each other leading up to it. It eliminates either party from saying something stupid in a text or phone call to weaken the other’s attraction to them before they even make it to the date or maybe causing the date to be canceled or at minimum cause the other to be half-hearted about it. It is needy, insecure, and impatient people on both sides that think they need to maintain chit-chat leading up to the date or the other one might forget about them and not show up.

 

No expensive dates, no exuberant dates, no long trips, no weekend trips, no vacation trips, no meeting family/friends. Guy pays for the date. Get over it. Maybe the woman can pick up the tip if she wants. Guys, keep it happy, fun, and light hearted. No heavy subjects. Guys, what a woman remembers about a date are different than you remember. She remembers how you made her feel. So make sure she always thinks of happy feelings and fun when she thinks of you.

 

Do not bring up any labels what-so-ever, such as boyfriend, girlfriend, relationship, marriage, love, or anything else along those lines. At this point you are not her boyfriend and she is not your girlfriend. That is her job to bring that stuff up when she is ready,…not your job. You both still need to understand that you have the freedom to see other people at the same time, even if you don’t choose to act on it,…it is a frame of mind you both need to have.

 

Rinse and repeat, over and over each week or so, but not more than once a week at this early point. Show some discipline.

 

Phase Two – a few more weeks long to a couple months

 

After a few weeks if you haven’t made mistakes the woman will start to contact you in between the dates. This is your cue to set the next date. This shifts some of the power over to the woman. Earlier the guy did all the chasing and setting the date. But now the dates happen each time the woman contacts you which gives her control of the frequency. You are both now sharing in the process. This means to an extent that the dates are her idea and if she is chasing you then she isn't dumping you. It also means that you may now potentially see each other more than once a week. But don’t get carried away, still show some discipline. The rest of this phase is about the same as phase one.

 

Minimal chit-chatting, texting/calling between setting the date and arriving on the date. You can do a little more at this point because she is reaching out to you, but the principle is still the same, so keep it to a minimum.

As earlier, no expensive dates, no exuberant dates, no long trips, no weekend trips, no vacation trips, no meeting family/friends. Guy pays for the date. Maybe the woman can pick up the tip if she wants. Again, keep it happy, fun, and light hearted. No heavy subjects. Guys, what a woman remembers about a date are different than you remember. She remembers how you made her feel. So make sure she always thinks of happy feelings and fun when she thinks of you.

 

Still you do not bring up any labels what-so-ever, such as boyfriend, girlfriend, relationship, marriage, love, or anything else along those lines. At this point you still are not her boyfriend and she still is not your girlfriend. That is her job to bring that stuff up when she is ready,…not your job. You both still need to understand that you have the freedom to see other people at the same time, even if you don’t choose to act on it,…it is a frame of mind you both need to have.

 

Phase 3 – Lasts until you breakup, co-habitate, get married, etc.

 

If you haven’t made mistakes and discouraged her, on average at around 7-8 weeks (maybe longer if you made mistakes) the woman may bring up the exclusivity conversation. She may be vague about it, so you might have to question a little to be sure if that is what she is saying she wants. If that is what she wants, and if you agree to it then you are now finally boyfriend/girlfriend and will need to drop off any others that you both may be seeing.

 

Even after exclusivity happens you still have to keep your head screwed on straight and don't forget what got you to where you are. You still have to show discipline, emotional control and impulse control. Although women may claim they like someone who is a bit impulsive, erratic impulsiveness is not attractive and sometimes just flat scares the crap out of them.

[Gaeta]

what im trying to say is when a girl dates you how do you know if she is rebounding with you or sees u as someone serious , esp when she is not over her ex or has just got out of a relationship

 

 

Not over her ex = you're a rebound.

 

 

It can't be any clearer.

[smackie9]

She’s finished getting over her ex, so then you serve no more purpose.

[PRW]

She’s finished getting over her ex, so then you serve no more purpose.

Could very well be.

Like landing on a cushion. What do you need the cushion for after?

[Gretchen12]

My longest relationship started as a rebound. I had been in a confusing affair that lasted only 3 weeks but full of mind games. Then by chance I met this guy and the rebound relationship lasted some 15 years. I didn't go looking for a new relationship, but I still call it a rebound because at the time I met the guy I was still upset over the breakup.

I can't answer your question of "how can you tell?" I think if the rebound relationship is going to work out you'll know very early on. The new relationship quickly has a life of its own or it won't work. I wouldn't take much time to wait and see. Not that the new relationship has to be serious very quickly, but that it has to stand on its own, so to speak.