thecracker Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 Theres a guy who I met around 11 months ago in a mutual class (We are postgraduate students about to finish masters). For many reasons, one being the fact that we only had the one class together in a 4-week module, we barely spoke. I also entered into a three month relationship with someone around the same time so my focus was on someone else. We continued to see eachother over the past year in hallways/sometimes in town etc and I developed a minor crush but just never crossed paths to "get to know eachother" so I forgot about him. Around 3 weeks ago I caught him in the library looking sad and so decided to go up to him and we spoke properly for the first time. For roughly 4 hours..similarities, our anxiety problems, how our past year has been studying on our individual courses and before we knew it we'd agreed to meet up for coffee/walks etc and its been that way for almost the 3 weeks. A week into meeting though, we go out for our first dinner date and he stops me after and says .."so...as you probably will have guessed..I..like you. Alot..I know we didnt meet properly a year ago but I always had a thing for you and remember the times we spoke throughout the year when we'd see eachother. But..you're gonna go back to your city in a couple of weeks which is 4 hours away and, I am planning to move to Canada in a year forever so I dont know what to do. Im a big relationship guy and my emotional anxiety wont be able to deal with it if this goes too far" ..This surprised me but I didnt feel much for him so sort of thanked him for informing me but told him it was "too early" for me to even dissect that information and actually decide how I feel. We talked for another hour and decided we'd stick to hanging out as we get on SO SO well and I knew instinctively that one of us would probably wanna do something if there was a "moment" despite the circumstances. Unexpectedly though, and a little wrongly-presumptious of me , he has completely stopped ANYTHING related to romance - I know, this is a good guy who is sticking to his moral and guns but I cant see how someone would be so stubborn if they liked someone so much - I told him I was willing to stay in the city for another year as my friends are all needing someone to take their spare room but Im struggling BADLY with finance and need to stay with my mom for a while 4 hours away to "get back on my feet". I immediately told him I began feeling more and more the more we see eachother and that it was getting hard not to do anything and act upon how I feel but he said "but we love spending time with one another, why stop that?" ...I will admit, we havent crossed any lines (not even kissing) but the fact that he pulled me aside, took me out AND continuously messaged me when he saw me with my ex saying "my blood was boiling when I know what he did to you.." got me very keen to see where things would go.. We continue to laugh and work together on our business dissertations and I try NOT to see or think of him in that way but the more he pulls away and calls me "mate" etc, it hurts...he walked me into the direction of a relationship only to friendzone me and I thought I was stronger but tonight during one of our study sessions I nearly burst into tears as he was telling me about a girl saying she was "hot". I confronted him telling him he didnt even seem one bit interested all of a sudden despite him messaging me constantly for the past 2 weeks but he said "Of course I still feel for you but Im really REALLY trying not to feel things". He isnt a bastard...but thats what makes this entire thing worse, he's seemingly doing the right thing but its feeling so wrong. Do I break ties with him? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 Yes break ties with him or you are going to get hurt. He is moving to Canada forever and you already told him it was too early for you to think about your feelings and you both agreed to just hang out as friends. That won't work because you want more at this point. Plus he's moving away and so are you why get tangled up in a dead end situation? Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 I believe I'd break ties with him just because I really want to be with a guy who finds his desire so strong for me that he'd work at figuring out a way to be together no matter what the challenge is. Otoh, if the pull is great enough I might stay in the R. My concern in your place would be if he likes you but just not enough to settle down into a R with you. Wants to keep his options open. Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 Do I break ties with him? Yes. Sorry but I don't buy the whole 'he is doing the right thing'. No he isn't. He is talking absolute BS. If he truly liked you and wanted things to develop he would at least try to make things work. The fact he does not even want to try speaks volumes. He is not willing to make an effort. Drop him and find someone who actually appreciates you for you instead of making excuses why they can't be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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