Feel betrayed by my gf. am I overreacting?

[Whoathere]

I’m a lesbian. I work on a shift with girls I’m very close with and have been for years. My closest friend is Named Jenny, who had a thing for me for a long time. I rejected all her attempts, she’s made quite a few, but I truly believe she never got over me. This never affected our friendship though.

 

New girl (Sam) comes on the shift, me and her hit it off and we start dating. Jenny ain’t happy. Immediately starts treating me different, but has a sudden interest in being besties with Sam (after telling me how awful she was at first) A cottage trip was planned for girls on the shift, to which I was invited. Sam was not, I invited her as my +1 (Jenny made a scene about this because there are only 12 spots and she has many friends to invite) I find out Jenny has been texting Sam saying I’m psychotic, I play girls, am never serious about any girl..trying to get her to leave me. I lose my sh*t on Jenny in front of the shift, and now there has been serious tension between us.

 

The girl who planned the cottage trip kindly let me know that she would understand if I don’t wanna go anymore to avoid tension. I took that as I’m un-invited and pulled myself out. She is closer friends with Jenny after all. Jenny is very outgoing and has a lot of friends, but she is toxic, and no one knows her like I do. A lot of the girls started treating me different after our falling out.

 

Sam..decides she is still going. Even though she barley knows and never hangs out with them. They’ve all turned against me, I’m sure Jenny made me look like the crazy one. Sam was never even invited, I invited her. She never defended me when Jenny was saying bad things about me..in fact she never told me, I looked through her phone and found out. Do I have a right to feel betrayed?

Edited August 15, 2019 by Whoathere

[Maggiemay1]

Why did you remain “friends” with Jenny when you KNEW she was not over you?

You should have kept it as work colleagues only?!

 

New girl Sam arrives at work.

You date her for how long before this trip?

 

She goes on the trip because a space became available after you pulled out.

Why did you pull out of it? Because someone suggested it would cause tension?

Perhaps you should have gone alone and not bring Sam , after all she barely knows you either!!!

 

You seem more pissed off that she went on a trip with a bunch of girls she barely knows , rather than staying at home with you , a girl she barely knows?

 

Perhaps the fact that you lost your cool with Jenny , made up her mind?

 

My suggestion?

Stop pretending to be friends with people you have rejected and expect them to be ok with it, stop dating within the workplace.

Oh and stop snooping in peoples phones. If you feel the need to , you know it’s not going to work.

 

Clearly you and Sam are no longer dating.

 

Be civil.

[Whoathere]

Why did you remain “friends” with Jenny when you KNEW she was not over you?

You should have kept it as work colleagues only?!

 

New girl Sam arrives at work.

You date her for how long before this trip?

 

She goes on the trip because a space became available after you pulled out.

Why did you pull out of it? Because someone suggested it would cause tension?

Perhaps you should have gone alone and not bring Sam , after all she barely knows you either!!!

 

You seem more pissed off that she went on a trip with a bunch of girls she barely knows , rather than staying at home with you , a girl she barely knows?

 

Perhaps the fact that you lost your cool with Jenny , made up her mind?

 

My suggestion?

Stop pretending to be friends with people you have rejected and expect them to be ok with it, stop dating within the workplace.

Oh and stop snooping in peoples phones. If you feel the need to , you know it’s not going to work.

 

Clearly you and Sam are no longer dating.

 

Be civil.

 

Probably the most horrid and presumptuous advice.

 

1) Jenny and I were best friends. She said she had feelings for me, I said I don’t feel the same, she said she was ok with that. supposedly. Mutual understanding that we moved on from. Why would I drop a close friend, and colleague, over that?

 

2) Sam did NOT go on this trip because a space became available when I dropped out. I invited her, we were supposed to go together. We are dating, I wanted to invite her because I thought it would be fun..why is that so bad?

 

3) wrong. I’m pissed of because Jenny is saying horrible things about me to Sam. Sam doesn’t tell me. Sam doesn’t defend me. Sam doesn’t know Jenny, she knows me. We’ve been dating for 3 months. I’m pissed because she’s going on a trip with girls she barely knows, and continues to talk to her even though I’m telling her she is toxic and a trouble maker.

 

4) yes me and Sam are still dating

 

Legit everything you said was wrong and presumptuous. Still scratching my head

[kendahke]

Yes, you are quite right to feel betrayed.

 

Jenny and Sam are both $#!+ and unfortunately, like attracts like--so they're both going to gravitate towards one another because they've had to learn to live with what they can't rise above.

 

Set both of them adrift and find someone else.

[Foxhall]

Your problem is Jenny has the extroverted personality and in other words the social power, she has the pull with the overall group with the result that you are the isolated party now,

 

your best route going forward is just to ignore Jenny or be curt with her,

 

try to avoid criticising her to the other members of the circle and just interact with them normally without referring to Jenny,

 

same with Sam- be yourself act normally and do not refer to Jenny,

 

things will likely blow over in a few weeks but do not fuel the fire any further or you could permanently lose these friends.

[kendahke]

or you could permanently lose these friends.

 

 

That is the healthiest option, considering the lengths they both have gone to so far.

 

and in the future when Sam discovers exactly what Jenny is and comes to you, accept the apology because she needs to ante one up, but let that be as far as you let her back into your life because as easily as she threw you off to sidle up to Jenny, she will do the same when some new chick who means you no good turns up to trash talk you. She doesn't value you--if she did, she wouldn't have taken sides like she did so quickly. She has a need to fit in and if that means stepping on your head to get over, she'll do that.

Edited August 16, 2019 by kendahke

[healing light]

Yes, I wouldn't like this at all.

 

Sam wasn't even supposed to go if it wasn't for you, but now that you're on the outs with Jenny, she's trying to fit in with that crowd?

 

I wouldn't be confident that Sam and/or Jenny weren't interested in each other. In the very least, Sam should have defended you to Jenny or refused to listen to the insults.

 

That she didn't and still plans on going on the trip (which common sense would dictate would hurt your feelings), tells me that she either really needs social approval or is romantically interested in someone there. In either case, she is acting selfishly and not in the best interests of her partner.

 

I would be tempted to break up with Sam, it's only 3 months in, it's a young relationship and this should be the honeymoon period. She's showing her true colors here.

[healing light]

I also agree with keeping a low profile. The less drama you entertain through any kind of confrontation or talking about these people, the more clear it will become who is really the toxic one. If Jenny is the queen bee, you may lose friends anyway, but do you really want people that are that weak-willed as friends?

[healing light]

Btw, what prompted you to look through Sam's phone? Do you trust her? That's generally a no-no in relationships with healthy boundaries.