Mutual feelings but a big trip incoming

[gimlynick]

Hey hey,

 

Not sure why I post this here but I was reading a bit and felt the urge to share this story.

 

So I met a girl two weeks ago, we knew each other from mutual friends a long long time ago, but we never got the chance to get to know each other ( relations,... ). So it was for both of us a drunk night and we started kissing heavily.

 

Next day we text and arrange a date.

 

3 days later we have a great date, going for a small hike and chatting. Kissing in the end.

 

Another 4 days later a 2nd date. Going for dinner, going for a drink. Then kissing... But she didn't really kiss very passionately. I asked if something was wrong. And she asked me to take things slowly, that she feels very comfortable around me and that I am her type but that she doesn't want to rush things.

 

Thing is... In 10 days I am leaving for nearly 2 months abroad. It's been crazy long ago since I had such a positive vibe around a girl that is also into me. I don't know what to do. It's obvious in some way that we are not going to end up sleeping together before my trip. I am not sure if she does this because she is afraid of getting hurt when I am travelling... I don't feel like ****ing around when I am this much into a girl. But on the other hand... I would be so so disappointed if this leads to nothing in the end, and then I have wasted 7 amazing weeks with many opportunities to meet girls...

 

Should I explain her that I feel like I really like her, next time we meet?

 

My idea is to just have another nice date, get closer... Then another date ( the days are allrdy set ) and then say bye. But I have this feeling that I kinda have to show her that I am serious with her, that I would love to keep on seeing her and that we should just see eachother ( I am sure she doesn't see anyone else, so do I ).

 

Pfff, well I think I am falling for her, and I just hate the fact that I have to say bye for 7 weeks in the middle of getting to know her. And I am afraid that things maybe will have a different feeling when I am back.

[schlumpy]

Ok you want her. You will have to play it her way.

 

Put together a good communication schedule so you can stay in touch and hope for the best. A few presents (flowers and chocolate) and postcards will accentuate the phone calls and the texting.

 

Good luck

[Beendaredonedat]

I met a girl two weeks ago,

You've known her romantically for 14 days and in that time just how many hours have you spent in her company?

 

Please, just go on your trip and enjoy it as a single. You can certainly contact her once in a while through some social media or the other while you are away. If you were meant to be together then you will pick up where you left off prior to going away.

 

Saying you've fallen for her after a couple of dates? Good thing you are going away so you can simmer down. She wants to go slow so...

[Mrin]

Take it slow on the next two dates and pile on the romance. Show her a good time. Don't try to close the deal and have sex. If she warms up to you write her letters via email when you are traveling.

 

If she doesn't warm up to you on these dates then go have a fabulous time abroad and feel free to meet all the women you want.

[spiritedaway2003]

If you're really falling for her, then take it slow.

 

Agree with the earlier suggestion. If she doesn't warm up to you, go on your trip as a single person. If you end up with other women, then you know you weren't that into her in the first place. You're just traveling abroad. If your upcoming dates show promise, you could still communicate with her during your travels.

 

She's already made it clear she wants to go slow...don't rush it.

[d0nnivain]

Even though you are away you can communicate. Tell her you like her & would prefer to stay in touch. Ask for her snail mail address & send her actual post cards so she knows you are thinking of her. Buy her a small trinket souvenir from your trip to give to her when you return. If possible call her once in a while on your trip.

[gimlynick]

Thank you for the kind & informative responses.

 

 

Well we have shared phone numbers and I have her address, so I will do a small call once in a while anyway and offcourse the postcard, I love postcards

 

 

About me falling for her: well it's not like I'm in love, but everything feels great and I really don't mind taking things slow, it's just that maybe I am unused to this.

 

It feels like such a bad timing the trip, but I am sure if in the end we still are in touch and if we meet again it feels like now... Things can get very very interesting in between us

[Gretchen12]

Definitely don't have sex before you leave.

 

Make sure she knows when you're leaving, don't wait until later to tell her.

 

Are you going some place very far? Interesting country? You can extend an invitation for her to visit. Why not? Some people enjoy travel. Of course no pressure. It takes time to get to know someone.

[alphamale]

Should I explain her that I feel like I really like her, next time we meet?

 

ahh no you should not because it is already implied. go on you trip and call her when you get back. tell her you will call her when you get back. do not contact her in any way during the interim.

[alphamale]

Ok you want her. You will have to play it her way.

 

Put together a good communication schedule so you can stay in touch and hope for the best. A few presents (flowers and chocolate) and postcards will accentuate the phone calls and the texting.

 

Good luck

 

no OP do not do this - NO flowers, NO sweets, NO postcards, NO text, NO calls until you get back

[gimlynick]

Well, she can't join, it's ridiculously far away and just not possible

 

 

About not contacting at all... Seriously, you're trolling!

 

I'm not going to send her stuff everyday. But when I am somewhere near civilization I will give her a small update, like once every week max or so, just whenever I feel like doing it. I am not the person that plays games.

 

And why on earth wouldn't I send her a postcard? Sounds pretty old skool/cool to me Not contacting for 7 weeks is just like telling her 'hey, you are never on my mind, I really don't care about you when I'm abroad.'...

[alphamale]

Well, she can't join, it's ridiculously far away and just not possible

 

 

About not contacting at all... Seriously, you're trolling!

 

I'm not going to send her stuff everyday. But when I am somewhere near civilization I will give her a small update, like once every week max or so, just whenever I feel like doing it. I am not the person that plays games.

 

And why on earth wouldn't I send her a postcard? Sounds pretty old skool/cool to me Not contacting for 7 weeks is just like telling her 'hey, you are never on my mind, I really don't care about you when I'm abroad.'...

 

do what you want gimlynick but I am not responsible for what happens seven wks from now

[elaine567]

If a guy I was dating for 3-4 dates and was interested in, went abroad for 7 weeks and never bothered to contact me, he would be history by the end of the first week...

[alphamale]

If a guy I was dating for 3-4 dates and was interested in, went abroad for 7 weeks and never bothered to contact me, he would be history by the end of the first week...

 

no you don't understand elaine567. I told him to tell her that he's going out of town for 7 weeks and will talk with her when he gets back.

[elaine567]

no you don't understand elaine567. I told him to tell her that he's going out of town for 7 weeks and will talk with her when he gets back.

Sorry same thing.

Gone.

[Lotsgoingon]

Sometimes it's smart to go ahead and honest bring up the awkwardness. Look, I like you, but I realize I'm leaving town for a while. But I'd like to stay in touch. What are you feeling?

 

The key is understanding she's in a tough spot. You guys are just starting ... and when people go away, they do often have flings. So I think you gotta feel her out. Basically sounds like you want to date her ... she's hesitating.

 

You don't know if she's hesitating because:

1. a desire to take things slow (she took things too fast the last time with someone and got burned)

 

2. she's really not that interested (people often want to take things slow when in reality they're just not excited about dating us)

 

3. she's interested but at the same time she's worried about going too far with you and then you going off and having a fling when you're away.

 

So ... you gotta have the talk. Go ahead and admit that this is rushed ... but that's the timing of your situation.

[gimlynick]

Sometimes it's smart to go ahead and honest bring up the awkwardness. Look, I like you, but I realize I'm leaving town for a while. But I'd like to stay in touch. What are you feeling?

 

The key is understanding she's in a tough spot. You guys are just starting ... and when people go away, they do often have flings. So I think you gotta feel her out. Basically sounds like you want to date her ... she's hesitating.

 

You don't know if she's hesitating because:

1. a desire to take things slow (she took things too fast the last time with someone and got burned)

 

2. she's really not that interested (people often want to take things slow when in reality they're just not excited about dating us)

 

3. she's interested but at the same time she's worried about going too far with you and then you going off and having a fling when you're away.

 

So ... you gotta have the talk. Go ahead and admit that this is rushed ... but that's the timing of your situation.

 

 

Yeah, I'm going to initiate that conversation.

 

Well I think she is afraid of getting hurt when I'm gone. We have a lot of mutual friends and she knows that in the past when I traveled as a single that I have had a lot of flings with fellow travel minded people. And she is also a traveler, so she knows how things go when abroad as a single...

 

She told me that she looked into joining me, but that's impossible to organise in such a short time frame ( and way too expensive for just 2 weeks or so ). So I am very sure she is a lot into me. Well, she literally told me that I am so much her type and that she likes me. So I am not afraid of she not being interested, it's just the idea of letting 'the moment' slip away right now.

 

But thanks all for your advices, I will take the last two dates very slow aswell, and see what she wants, we agreed already on dating after the trip so we will see

[gimlynick]

Well little update:

 

Didn't see her anymore, asked to meet tomorrow but 'i have been working the whole week and haven't had time for myself blablabla'.

 

Well I don't believe it but I will enjoy my trip

 

Edit: Well but she asked to meet up after the trip. So I guess she just feels like it doesn't make sense to date a day before a big trip. Even if I was really looking forward to see her once again ( She asked me last week to meet up before travelling, that is kinda annoying to me that she changes now )

Edited August 22, 2019 by gimlynick