Betrayed

[MaróTierra]

Hello guys, I am a female

I have been dating this man for almost 8 years now, we moved in after 1 year of dating. He proposed to me after 3 years of dating and I said yes! So we both have children from previous relashionship, he has 2 girls and I have one boy.

We saved up money together and bought a house after 2 years of being engaged, the plan was for me to stop working help raise the kids, and save money on babysitters for our children. during those two years I cooked clean did laundry stayed home and help him built his credit score up, we agreed he will add me to the title of our house after it was purchased. I had good credit but I had to quit my job at his request. However I used some money I had in my savings for the downpayment. I feel I've been scammed because he refuses to add me to the tittle of our house. My credit is bad now, I dont have a car, or a job, he hasn't married me and it's going on three years since he proposed, he also refuses to add me to his bank account. We also recently had a son together. He has promised me many things. I'm very depressed! I think I want to walk away now!

[kendahke]

I think I want to walk away now!

 

You think? You should be packing your belongings and getting out.

 

He's marking time with you.

 

Did you make him sign a payback contract or any legal document on a payback schedule?

 

If not, that money was a gift, not a loan. Unless you go to small claims court to get your money back (and you still might not get it), you might as well kiss that cash goodbye.

 

Unfortunately for you, he's under no obligation to put your name on anything.

[MaróTierra]

I did not asked him to sign anything, I trusted him. He tells me it's my house too, but won't add me to the title. And he won't marry me either, he says he wants to though. I have nowhere to go, no family to help me. My credit got messed up by helping him, and it will be hard to lease an apartment, it will take me years to recover from this failure.

I stay because I don't want to disrupt my kids stability. But I feel betrayed, scammed, lied to, disrespected. I'm not in a good place emotionally, It has made me question his loyalty and I'm uncertain of the future with him, I don't think i even want to marry him either. I'd like to get a job but he is not supportive of that.

[preraph]

Well, don't have any more kids with him! You need an attorney, but with no money, I guess you're stuck. You can't be mixing money with anyone you are not married to! Big mess.

[Normm]

Not understanding why it's his fault that your credit went from good to bad. Also not understanding why you won't get a job "because he is not supportive of that".

 

In order to get yourself out of this rut you've got to take some control of the situation and the first part of doing that is to deal with this sense of learned helplessness and victim mentality. In other words go get a job.

[Foxhall]

hmmn- tricky situation- but you already know that- you need solutions,

 

at the very least get some legal advice and see have you any comeback,

 

with having a son together, you should be entitled to compel him to some degree of financial support,

 

Yes start job hunting also, get yourself back into society and fending for yourself,

 

if this ever happened to say a sister of mine, I dont think I can write here how the situation would be handled, but then again we are a fiesty folk.

 

anyway you have to find the fight in you to bounce back from this, this is a devious guy you are playing with,

but tomorrow you start fighting back.

[Gretchen12]

You are ready to walk away, and you feel you have been scammed. That means if this man asks you to marry him today, you should say no.

 

Three years ago when you bought the house and you put in the downpayment while not being on the title of the house, you thought that was ok? (I don't understand why you had to be added later instead of being on the title from the start) So if the relationship is good then you didn't care. So now the relationship has deteriorated.

 

It seems you are ready to end the relationship. You can try to sue him because you contributed as a partner, and verbal agreements count too. You should remember that your goal is to take the kids and leave him and restart your life. Your goal is not to get him to marry you.

[Beendaredonedat]

What country do you live in? Here in Canada whether you are married or not if you live together for three years (in my province) you are considered married common law and you are entitled to half the equity in the home.

 

You should call legal services where you live and ask them for advice. If noting else, he is on the hook for child support for the baby you had together. (In Canada he would also be on the hook for the child you bought into the relationship as he has taken on the role as her father (if her bio father is not paying any support or not in the picture).

 

 

Get legal advice. Let us know what they say.

[kendahke]

I did not asked him to sign anything, I trusted him

 

Whenever money is involved, they must sign a promissory note to pay you back.

 

Why didn't he get the money from a bank instead of asking you for it?

 

He tells me it's my house too, but won't add me to the title. And he won't marry me either, he says he wants to though.

 

He has no intention on marrying you and your name isn't going to go on that house unless you get a lawyer that can shred up his defense and pave your way clear to your money and your house.

 

It's time to arrange child care during the day and you go back to work. You no longer have the luxury of sitting around waiting on him to open a can of act right--and if you don't move quickly to get back on your own two feet, he's going to try to take your children from you saying you're an unfit mother because you can't support them on your own and he can.

 

You have time enough once you've gotten settled in a new job and home to cry about him acting like a tool---now is time for "mama bear" to come out.

I have nowhere to go, no family to help me. My credit got messed up by helping him, and it will be hard to lease an apartment, it will take me years to recover from this failure.

 

How did your credit get messed up?

 

Find a rental by a property owner, not a rental management company. An owner may be more flexible when it comes to your credit situation--but first, you have to get a job.

 

I stay because I don't want to disrupt my kids stability. But I feel betrayed, scammed, lied to, disrespected. I'm not in a good place emotionally, It has made me question his loyalty and I'm uncertain of the future with him, I don't think i even want to marry him either. I'd like to get a job but he is not supportive of that.

 

Well, your kids' stability is already unstable because their father is purposefully destabilizing their mother.

 

Make sure you're not staying out of (psychotic) hope that he's going to open a can of "act right" and marry you, put you on the deed and pay you back your money.

[kendahke]

Find a rental by a property owner, not a rental management company. An owner may be more flexible when it comes to your credit situation--but first, you have to get a job.

to add:

Case in point: this past January, I was gentrified out of my rental. The same week, I had to go home because my mother went into hospice, so I had to move my belongings into storage before I went home because the lease was going to be up by the end of January. I was in talks with another property owner, who, after telling him my situation and that I may have to move back home by the end of the year (for other reasons), agreed to a 6-month lease, converting to a month to month, as long as I give him 2 months notice that I'm vacating. If this was a rental company, that wouldn't have flown.

 

 

Stay off Craigslist--too many scammers on there. Try to find a small neighborhood store where they post notices--that's how I found the place I had to leave. Once you're on your feet and have taken care of your credit score, you can move someplace better.

 

 

In my area, most safe, commutable places want +650 for a credit score; with 960 sq. ft going for $2300/mo.

Edited August 10, 2019 by kendahke

[mortensorchid]

This is a sticky situation you have gotten yourself into, I'm sorry. From the beginning it sounded like you were on the up and up and now you're ... Not.

 

I guess the only thing you can do is a prenup. Have to give an ultimatum on this or it's done. And if he says no? Then it's ... Done.

[MaróTierra]

Hello guys.

Well something had happen since I last posted my issue.

I am still with him, I went through a time where I was just sad maybe depressed. He has now asked me to marry him, he says he want to call me his wife. I told my mother about it and she was excited planning g the wedding. My boyfriend will cover the financial aspect of it. We still have a lot of issues in our relashionship. The truth is I don't know if I love him or I am just very very disappointed in him. I am not that excited about it. I have this feeling that it won't happen.

The issue with the house is he wants to add his two children and my daughter and our son to the trust. He wants to include everyone. We also have more issues regarding his two kids.

We don't seem to get along, actually we had never seemed to get along when it come to our children. He believes I treat his two kids unfair and I believe he treats my kid unfair.

I dont know what to do. I have told everyone about my plans to get marry even my one of my cousins, she is calling me to ask me about details, because I asked her to help me plan it. It doesn't feel right. I am so RESENTFUL towards him, I dont feel like getting intimate with him. It's very hard for me to do it., I STILL DO IT ANYWAYS.

[Rayce]

I understand why he wants the trust and I think it is a really good idea actually. I think that it is a solid gesture that he is thinking long term and wanting to make sure that if something happens to him or you then your kids are protect. I have heard of stories where one spouse out lives the other and then the kids of that spouse gets left out of the cold. That happened to my sister-in-law when her father died the step mother would not even allowed her to retrieve personal items or give her any mementos of her own father. It was very heartbreaking.

Edited October 9, 2019 by Rayce

[kendahke]

we had never seemed to get along when it come to our children. He believes I treat his two kids unfair and I believe he treats my kid unfair.

I dont know what to do.

 

Until you've gotten this worked out, along with your resentful attitude, before you walk down an aisle and lie before God and man about loving, cherishing and honoring, this is going to be what keeps you two locked in a miserable coexistence that only the State or death can get you out of.

[Beendaredonedat]

Have you seen a lawyer yet?

 

If you marry this man without getting legal advice about how to protect YOU and YOUR child then you are one foolish woman who is allowing this man to more likely than not, hoodwink you yet again. (Just like he did when he said he would put you on title of the house and didn't.

 

I'm sorry but it seems you've done nothing to protect yourself and now you are considering marrying a man you clearly don't even love. Why?