Fearing a choice

[Fearfuture]

I’m in a similar situation as another poster who just wrote about financial disparity in that she earns much more than her boyfriends and whether that spells doom.

 

I’ve concluded that it really depends on many things such as your ages (younger can catch up later vs retirement age), your expectations, how strongly you care for your mate, if the mate who has less tries to do better at managing the limited funds he has, etc.

 

I’ve been in a predicament about the above as long as I’ve been in the relationship with my boyfriend of 6 years. I go back and forth on this issue. We love each other but I say to myself “if he saves $ in at least a certain amount” then I can move forward with him (he moves in with me) or if I see he saved at least x dollars this month then I’ll feel comfortable having him move in. But as much as I love him I can’t seem to reach that comfort level. So we live separate but it’s getting old because our relationship isn’t growing. I see my friends who are near retirement age getting married or at least living together and I’d normally want that for myself.

 

I may be resentful that I can’t enjoy retirement unless I pay for him but maybe not.

 

The other issue holding me back is my therapist of 6 years doesn’t trust him with me. He has lied in the past about money and done things which are insensitive but I see the better side of him too.

 

I don’t think he will take my money but he will clearly enjoy living in a beautiful home and I’d expect him to pay something he can afford to contribute but it will be far less than half of the expenses.

 

Am I being unrealistic?

[Foxhall]

what you are looking for on this forum I sense is reassurance that it is ok to overlook this money conundrum,

 

at present it is on your conscience, bugging you that there may be financial problems down the line or perhaps you are worried what your friends and family are thinking,

 

personally my view is that if your relationship has enough other good points, then this money issue should not be a deal breaker.

[Gaeta]

Your issue isn't that he earns less, you're issue is that he lies and isn't responsible with money.

 

 

 

I make 2 times what my boyfriend makes. My bf is very responsible with his money, I'd say even more than I am as I tend to spend on frivolous things and he would never. He budget his expenses ahead of time, he doesn't spend unnecessary and he saves each time it's possible. Even if he earns half what I do I have no worries to share a life a a home with him.

[Mrs._December]

I've read your story - masked by different facts each time you tell it - over and over and over on various boards. Except it's your daughter who doesn't trust this guy, not your 'therapist.'

 

And your daughter doesn't trust him for a good reason - he spent time in jail for embezzling, barely has two dimes to rub together and spends most of his time at your place glomming off you, and now he's pushing to move into your place because you're his meal ticket. You know it deep down and that's why you've CONTINUALLY posted this story over and over under different names and on different boards, because you know it but don't want to ADMIT it to yourself.

 

No matter how many times you change your screen name and post about this, you're going to get the SAME answers every single time. Are you hoping that if you post this enough, eventually someone will tell you it's a good thing to let this freeloader move in?

Edited May 20, 2019 by Mrs._December