goldengirl11 Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 (edited) I began exchanging a few messages with someone, with whom I felt a strong attraction to from afar, from meet up back in December, when at this point we hadn't actually met. Then, a few months later, I finally met him at a drinks meet up, when we had a bit of a chat. However, whilst chatting to another girl there seperately, who appeared to be quite friendly with him, I asked her if she knew him well, when she replied he was her boyfriend. Although she said they are in the early stages and are just getting to know each other, for maybe the last two months. I was so jealous to hear this and later saw them kissing, but I pretended not to notice/acted indifferently. The next day I decided to message him (and I cringe when I say this!), to ask him if the girl with the bunny ears he was with the night before was his girlfriend, as had hoped we would get to know each other better, but hey ho! Not that surprisingly he didn't respond and have noticed this woman has dropped out of a few upcoming meet ups. I'm friends with her on FB (where she is currently listed as single) and she's a very confident, chatty and attractive woman, always posting pics or videos of herself, loves dancing and fancy dress.. Quite the opposite to myself I guess and can see why he would probably prefer her. I was recently down for the same meet up as him, when I was secretly pleased that she wasn't down to go too, but a few hours before, he dropped out! I'm trying to put this one down to experience now, as I realise this girl went to more meet ups in this group than me, probably due to her living much more locally where they are usually held. Also, I stupidly missed the meet up on St Patrick's Day, when they first agreed to go out I think, just because there was shocking weather that night, so I didn't bother with the hassle of the journey! I just feel a disaster at dating right now, but onwards and upwards I guess! Edited May 16, 2019 by goldengirl11 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 It goes without saying but, you are not entitled to have any man who interests you. So this guy is dating another woman... it’s in no way a reflection you your worth or your “ability” to date. It may well have turned out this year, even if you had attended that meetup. Your thinking is a little irrational. You have to be ready for face rejection and “missed opportunities” if you date - rarely does anyone meet and falls in love with the first guy they date. As for the message - yeah, not a proud moment. Particularly because you are trying to get over another relationship with an unavailable man, are you not? Keep trying. Don’t expect too much and be kind to yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 Just remember that a date is not any kind of commitment. You date to find out if you even like the person at all. Early days you should be dating more than one person if possible. Dating is a crapshoot and everyone gets rejected more than they get accepted, so don't brand yourself faulty or anything like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author goldengirl11 Posted May 16, 2019 Author Share Posted May 16, 2019 Just remember that a date is not any kind of commitment. You date to find out if you even like the person at all. Early days you should be dating more than one person if possible. Dating is a crapshoot and everyone gets rejected more than they get accepted, so don't brand yourself faulty or anything like that. Thank you for your kind response x Link to post Share on other sites
Author goldengirl11 Posted May 16, 2019 Author Share Posted May 16, 2019 It goes without saying but, you are not entitled to have any man who interests you. So this guy is dating another woman... it’s in no way a reflection you your worth or your “ability” to date. It may well have turned out this year, even if you had attended that meetup. Your thinking is a little irrational. You have to be ready for face rejection and “missed opportunities” if you date - rarely does anyone meet and falls in love with the first guy they date. As for the message - yeah, not a proud moment. Particularly because you are trying to get over another relationship with an unavailable man, are you not? Keep trying. Don’t expect too much and be kind to yourself. Yes, thank you for your kind, but honest response! x Link to post Share on other sites
Author goldengirl11 Posted May 17, 2019 Author Share Posted May 17, 2019 (edited) I just wanted to add that today there was a new meet up announced for 2 weeks time, coincidentally in the same town as this woman, which they've now put their names down for. I probably would've gone to this anyway (a few friends will undoubtedly go), but I was rather looking forward to seeing a concert that night, which I have so far partially bought a ticket for from a fellow fan. Although the artist is playing a couple of nights in London, so am tempted to now try and sell my ticket and go another night instead, to make the meet-up... On the other hand though, do I really want to see the pair of them?! Any thoughts? Edited May 17, 2019 by goldengirl11 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 Do I really want to see the pair of them?! Any thoughts? What is your purpose in wanting to see this couple? Link to post Share on other sites
Author goldengirl11 Posted May 17, 2019 Author Share Posted May 17, 2019 What is your purpose in wanting to see this couple? I suppose it's curiosity, to see how coupley they are and, if I'm honest, to see if he chats to me. Although I definitely wouldn't approach him though - I'd be too embarrassed! Link to post Share on other sites
Author goldengirl11 Posted May 17, 2019 Author Share Posted May 17, 2019 Thanks for your quick reply BaileyB - A bit of a fluke you were on-line also! Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 In other words, you are hoping to c arch the eye of an unavailable man... Goldengirl, I don’t mean to say anything harsh... but what, if anything, did you learn from your last relationship with a married man? Why would you ever want to get yourself involved with another unavailable man? This is a very unhealthy pattern of behaviour... Having learned that he had a girlfriend, I would move on with my life and not ever look back. Perhaps, you should consider doing the same... Link to post Share on other sites
Author goldengirl11 Posted May 17, 2019 Author Share Posted May 17, 2019 In other words, you are hoping to c arch the eye of an unavailable man... Goldengirl, I don’t mean to say anything harsh... but what, if anything, did you learn from your last relationship with a married man? Why would you ever want to get yourself involved with another unavailable man? This is a very unhealthy pattern of behaviour... Having learned that he had a girlfriend, I would move on with my life and not ever look back. Perhaps, you should consider doing the same... I guess that I'm just curious to see if anything could happen, before things probably develop between them. I know that it's probably too late though and even if it isn't, nothing would happen in her presence would it?! I just can't help feeling sad about it, especially as we were communicating first. But then obviously they met first in person! Sure, he could contact me, *if* he wanted to or anything changed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 I guess that I'm just curious to see if anything could happen, before things probably develop between them. I know that it's probably too late though and even if it isn't, nothing would happen in her presence would it?! I just can't help feeling sad about it, especially as we were communicating first. But then obviously they met first in person! Sure, he could contact me, *if* he wanted to or anything changed. If you were this woman and someone such as yourself was writing to a relationship board on how to interfere in your newly blossoming relationship, what would you want us to tell her? Would you want us to encourage her to break up your fledgling relationship? Whatever is developing between them isn't going on at the meet ups--it's going on in their daily interactions with one another--it's going on when they have sex with one another--it's going on while they are deepening their intimate emotional bond with one another and that isn't on display at a meet up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goldengirl11 Posted May 17, 2019 Author Share Posted May 17, 2019 If you were this woman and someone such as yourself was writing to a relationship board on how to interfere in your newly blossoming relationship, what would you want us to tell her? Would you want us to encourage her to break up your fledgling relationship? Whatever is developing between them isn't going on at the meet ups--it's going on in their daily interactions with one another--it's going on when they have sex with one another--it's going on while they are deepening their intimate emotional bond with one another and that isn't on display at a meet up. It's ok, I will leave the pair of them alone! I don't actually want someone dating another woman anyway. I don't like his type either! ? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 (edited) If you were this woman and someone such as yourself was writing to a relationship board on how to interfere in your newly blossoming relationship, what would you want us to tell her? Would you want us to encourage her to break up your fledgling relationship? This. I can’t imagine why you think it’s appropriate to interfere in another relationship - again! Regardless of whether they have been together for two weeks, two years, or twenty years... it’s so disrespectful to think that you are entitled to involve yourself with another woman’s boyfriend/husband. A cold splash of water - something is really wrong when you set your sights on a man in another relationship, and then complain that nothing ever works out for you. First things first, it’s never going to work out for you if you continue to chose unavailable men. And second, just because a man catches your eye does not mean that he is interested in a relationship with you... best to back off, leave them alone, and find someone else who is single. Edited May 17, 2019 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author goldengirl11 Posted May 17, 2019 Author Share Posted May 17, 2019 (edited) IThis. I can’t imagine why you think it’s appropriate to interfere in another relationship - again! Regardless of whether they have been together for two weeks, two years, or twenty years... it’s so disrespectful to think that you are entitled to involve yourself with another woman’s boyfriend/husband. A cold splash of water - something is really wrong when you set your sights on a man in another relationship, and then complain that nothing ever works out for you. First things first, it’s never going to work out for you if you continue to chose unavailable men. And second, just because a man catches your eye does not mean that he is interested in a relationship with you... best to back off, leave them alone, and find someone else who is single. Despite my ramblings, I really *don't* think I'm entitled to interfere with anyone else's relationships and tbh I expect more often than not, that they *won't* be interested. Probably because my confidence has been lacking this past year in particular (weight gain etc), which I'm trying to put right. Also, available men I have dated in the past, have quite often met someone else, especially in the early stages (which I now prepare myself for), which I have found very hurtful, painful even. Again, I was just needing to vent somewhere. That's all. Edited May 17, 2019 by goldengirl11 Link to post Share on other sites
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