Rayce Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 How many dates without sex will you have before you dump someone? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 It depends on how I feel about that person. If I was ready and he turned me down, I probably would dump him because we are not on the same page then. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 You're talking about a guy who doesn't want sex? Are these real dates or does he think you're just friends? Or is this a woman? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 l'd never dump someone just for that because l only ever went for something serious anyway. So in that case there's plenty of time and the build up tease and excitement made it well worth the wait. l used my brains more if we just got to know each other and having fun first. Trying really hard to keep my mind on the job, a few weeks , a mth. But if for some reason she needed more time , wouldn't have been a problem. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 Back in my dating days? Three dates. If we haven't done it by then, we're clearly not compatible. Of course, I wasn't doing OLD or anything - we had to have already established a rapport for me to consider a date. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 How many dates without sex will you have before you dump someone? depends on how hot and smart she is. i'll wait longer for a woman who has more to offer me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 I'd wait about two months at most, regardless of how many dates. However, I've never needed to wait beyond 3 dates - by then, the women have initiated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Iris The Butterfly Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 I would never dump someone for not having sex after a specific amount of time. The three date rule is totally arbitrary. Only if I really really really like someone am I going to have sex sooner than a month of dating. If it goes on longer than that for me personally, I’m just not into the person and vice versa. If you’re looking for casual sex then I would say cut your losses after a couple dates. Most people know early on whether they want to sleep with someone. It really doesn’t take long to know. If you’re looking for more substance, I think the time frame can be up to a month or more, depending on how often you spend time, etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 I've read all of this twice, and I'm not sure I'm seeing the real question. Or more to the point... you didn't give enough info. I see myself in all of the above. I've had girls I was very interested in... but they were "Good Girls", and I waited. I've also had some that were almost instant. (a couple dates) This was also with people I already knew before "Going out". Sometimes the anticipation is a good thing... if you are thinking about long relationship. That way... on some level... you know they aren't the type that will just jump in the sack with someone else. With that said... I wouldn't break off an early relationship just because there was no sex after a month. (or two) But as an adult... I guess if it went past that... I would have to assume that the other person may just not be that interested, and is looking to get out of the house. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 Wouldn’t the culture you are residing have a bearing on this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 I wouldn't so much dump someone. I'd just keep moving. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 I wouldn't so much dump someone. I'd just keep moving. that's the same thing, is it not preraph? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 I was ready to dump the man who is now my husband on our 3rd date if he still hadn't kissed me. Sex I'm more patient. There's no set # of dates but I'd say a month -- month & a half in if things weren't getting steamy I'd be scratching my head & asking a lot of Qs. If I didn't get the answers I wanted to hear then I would probably break it off as us being incompatible. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 The longest I've waited is about five dates, or about a month. but that's unusual. Of the women that I've really connected with and ended up dating for awhile, it happened between the first and third date. So if I were dating someone new and I'm interested in a relationship with them, and if they were still holding out after the third or fourth date, we'd need to have a conversation. If she says she's ready, no problem. If she doesn't know if she'll be ready anytime soon then I'll probably move on. Life is too short, and sexuality is too primary, to deal with reticence. I'm not dating debutantes –– these are women who've had a number of relationships and the whole virtuous lady song and dance no longer applies. The last thing I'd want is someone who uses sex as a means of control. Let it flow or I'm out. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 It depend what you want the sex to accomplish. If you want sex to be the glue that holds the relationship together, better to wait until there is an emotional bond. There's no specific number, because that is something qualitative, not quantitative. Then the sex will strengthen that bond. If someone pressures you before you're ready, I think that is a good filtering method. Don't ignore that feeling or allow yourself to be talked or pressured into something you're not ready for. Generally, if you have to ask when it's appropriate, it isn't the time yet. You should know when it's time. If someone won't wait until you are ready, they're not the person for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 that's the same thing, is it not preraph? Well, maybe, but chances are if all that was going on, I never would have an exclusive arrangement with him anyway, so I'd still be seeing other people and not in love or anything, and I'd probably keep being friendly and see what happened, but also keep doing what I was doing is what I meant. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 6-8 dates is my maximum. If I heard "no" after the 6th - 8th date, I would tell her I was done and the reason why. In all my years of dating, I only had to invoke that rule once. I would say I slept with over 50% of the women I dated on the first date, the rest by the 2nd thru 4th date. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 I would say I slept with over 50% of the women I dated on the first date, the rest by the 2nd thru 4th date. wow that's a great hit rate HL Link to post Share on other sites
2much4 Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 I'm kind of surprised by some of these responses. I'm a woman, not a virgin mary, but I lose interest in a guy if we sleep together too soon. I need to date him for about a month first, to build up anticipation and appreciation for what he's like. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted May 22, 2019 Author Share Posted May 22, 2019 I totally forgot about this thread... Thanks everyone for the great responses. I am actively trying to date and what I have been doing in the past is just not working for me. I can land 1st dates but I just can't seem to get that 2nd dates. I never have sex on the 1st date unless I am totally drunk and then its just a ONS. I tried that a few times in my 30's after my divorce but not my style as I always feel like s*&t later. I don't drink hard alcohol anymore either just to make sure I don't get so drunk and have a ONS. lol... Link to post Share on other sites
DaddyDom Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 If this is a woman whose company you truly enjoy where kissing has happened and things are progressing physically, let sex happen naturally when it happens. No set time frame. If anything, waiting a month or more where you engage in foreplay and near sex activity lets you learn her body and build anticipation. But if you're not progressing past simple kisses goodnight after awhile, then I'd question her attraction to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 (edited) Let me preface my post by saying I’m not the morality police but the longer you wait the better. Whatever happened to getting to know someone better and just having a fun time? Show her you have class and manners, keep yo hands to yourself, make her laugh, don’t make her your therapist or your mama, don’t talk about exes and the rest will take care of itself. There’s too many wild ones running around. Edited May 22, 2019 by Interstellar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 How many dates without sex will you have before you dump someone? How many times have you dumped someone as soon as you had sex with them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rayce Posted May 22, 2019 Author Share Posted May 22, 2019 How many times have you dumped someone as soon as you had sex with them? Never... The few ONS I had in my 30's were totally because I was too drunk. I just don't do causal sex. I am sure it's because of my upbringing which is a crock considering people were molesting me starting at the age of 4. My parents sent me to a catholic school were I learned the concept of "virgin" but by that time (5th grade) I was already damaged... according to the nuns. lol... My 1st sexual encounter was when I was 7 but I didn't remember that until I was in my 40's. It all screwed me up pretty bad. If I am having sex it's because I have very strong feelings for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 Hmmm well I’m not having sex with a guy that hasn’t asked me to be exclusive. So the amount of dates doesn’t matter per se. More so the amount of months I’m spending time with this guy and he hasnt ask for exclusivity from me yet. If he doesn’t try to be my boyfriend in 2-3 months I’m gone. So however many dates within that time I would guess. If he is not giving me some and he is my exclusive boyfriend I’ll give him a week. After a week I’m going to be like babe what’s up? Lol. If it doesn’t improve and if I can’t deal with the amounts of no sex he would probably not be my boyfriend for long. From the guys perspective? Depends if he is the type that is willing to wait before exclusivity or not if he is dating me. I don’t have a problem with a guy waiting till exclusivity. I imagine there are some that could not and just won’t contact me anymore when I say no thank you in response to them asking me to come over and haven’t taken me on a date lol. But most guys who take me out respect my sex boundaries when I let them know. Link to post Share on other sites
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