Jesstada Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 I have been with my partner for nearly two years now, we moved in together just half of a year ago. It was kinda rushing, we both weren't really ready and was going through fights but we have already informed our real estate agent to move out already at that time. We have different hobby and likes, so we do our own things a lot and sometimes hang out with his friends together but not a lot. Things have been fine we don't really fight so much recently. But I start missing having my own room and own space without sharing with another person. All the things that we fight for, money, chores, sleeping schedule and space are caused by living together. I am not ready to end the relationship though just want to have my own space. I'm not sure how to tell him without him thinking I want to break up. He also pays a bit more rent than me cause I am a student, I did not ask for it because I was living fine with my previous place and he was the one who proposed that he wants to move together and happy to pay more. I even said that we could find a place which we pay the same but he didn't want to and said he's happy to pay more for the place he wants. I agreed and said don't think about using this against me. Now every time we fight or things are not what he expects he uses this against me which makes me very uncomfortable. He also expected me to do more house work and buy all the housing supply "because he is paying more rent already". What's the point of paying more if I ended up spending more money on shared things that I can't afford anyway? I know this all sound very negative and y'all probably wonder why I don't just break up with him. Cause with two years it's just so hard to let go the life and close intimate relationship I build with him and I thought I should at least try before ending. Thoughts? How should I tell him? Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 Unfortunately... of you tell him you want to move out... I feel it will be the end of the relationship. I think you know this in your heart. Sorry... just the way I see it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 If you are both on the lease, you have other problems. You signed a binding contract. Even if you move out until the landlord finds another tenant you are still on the hook for the rent. So you best address that practical issue before you try to break the lease. When you tell your BF that you no longer want to live together, he's probably going to tell you that he's no longer interested in dating you. Going from having your own space to sharing is a transition. It's an adjustment & you are having a rough time. Before you move, what have you done to deal with the situation? With the 1st guy I lived with, I couldn't handle being bombarded by another person the second I got home from work. I needed to decompress alone. So I'd go in the bedroom to change & be by myself. He would not disturb me until I came back out into the living area. With my husband he hides in his man cave when he needs space. The trick to living together is to carve out space inside the confines of your new place that you share with your honey. Try that before you destroy the whole relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 One plus with living together is that there is not the hassle of a divorce when things don't work out. You feel claustrophobic, smothered, controlled and uncomfortable,.. your gut is screaming "Get me out of here!", so start listening. You rushed it, you tried, it didn't work out, you move on to pastures new... not that uncommon... better that then stick around, get pregnant, be utterly miserable, get trapped... The world is your oyster... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 Moving in together should be a wonderful step in your relationship. Not without its stress, but a positive step toward building a future together... The fact that it’s not felt this way for you, is a huge red flag! Listen or your gut, it’s telling you that this is not meant to be. And I agree with the other posters, moving out will most definitely be the end of this relationship. But, that’s not necessarily a bad thing... it doesn’t sound like you are particularly compatible anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 Oh, so you're his paid maid. He wants to pay more, but he forgot to ask if you wanted to be a paid professional maid. That would put me off him for good. Just move out. Don't worry about him throwing the money stuff up at you. Tell him you never said you wanted him to pay for your maid services and he refused to let you pay equal so he could pick up his own socks and clean his own toilet. Ugh. Just get out and don't get back in. Date other people. Link to post Share on other sites
maecross Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 I think you should ask yourself if you are still in love with him. I got the feeling you're not from what you wrote but only you know. If the answer is you don't see the relationship working in the long run, it's better to end sooner rather than later. You may think you have built up a lot with him in the last two years but two years is not that long. A number of years ago I was in a similar situation with my boyfriend for 5 years - I knew things is not going to work out by Year 3 (we were also living together) but thought I should try more (also don't know how to break it to him,etc) . After eventually breaking up with him, it was the best decision I made although if there's one thing to regret, it's that I should have broken up earlier. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 Take a look at what you wrote...you sound like two completely different people and the only thing you are sharing is rent, not a life together. TBH I don't think you will miss him very much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Inspire Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 I think that it's really difficult to take a step back from where you are without having to end it. It just doesn't sound like you two are fully compatible and realistically what would be the point. What change would you expect to happen if it was even an option? I agree with Bailey. Moving in together should be a wonderful step in your relationship. Not without its stress, but a positive step toward building a future together... I think what moving in together did you for is exacerbate your differences. Have you talked to him about the comments he makes and how it makes you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jesstada Posted April 23, 2019 Author Share Posted April 23, 2019 Yes I have, it was sorta in vain. He only says he thinks I don't appreciate it that he's paying more and then turn around saying I should do more house work again. By more I mean more than him. And act like I'm picking up a fight and making drama. I think that it's really difficult to take a step back from where you are without having to end it. It just doesn't sound like you two are fully compatible and realistically what would be the point. What change would you expect to happen if it was even an option? I agree with Bailey. Moving in together should be a wonderful step in your relationship. Not without its stress, but a positive step toward building a future together... I think what moving in together did you for is exacerbate your differences. Have you talked to him about the comments he makes and how it makes you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 (edited) Yes I have, it was sorta in vain. He only says he thinks I don't appreciate it that he's paying more and then turn around saying I should do more house work again. By more I mean more than him. And act like I'm picking up a fight and making drama. Is this really how you want to live your life - with a partner who won’t communicate with you, dismisses your feelings, and has a poor work ethic? Are you his girlfriend, or his maid? You sound like roommates who share the rent and the chores... Edited April 23, 2019 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 I thought I should at least try before ending. It sounds like you've already tried, many times, and he has done nothing to listen to your feelings or to respect you. At this point you're flogging a dead horse. I would stop, and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
40somethingGuy Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 Tell him you have to be in a 2 bed apartment for this to work. You still can sleep in bed with him but you'd have your space to study, relax, masterbate, or enjoy privacy. If he balks, tell him you don't want to break up but you need more room to be happy and the living quarters are too tight for you at this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa_Lisa Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 You are a student so your time is limited, but if you want this to work, you're going to have to get some form of employment. Otherwise he'll have that resentment against you for paying for utilities and the like. Your best option is to ask to move to a two bedroom and pay half the rent and divide the chores. If it's money he'll bitch about, tell him you're gonna get a job. Or just break up with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jesstada Posted April 23, 2019 Author Share Posted April 23, 2019 I already have a job with full time study but still can't pay half cause he insisted on the more expensive place. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 Just save up some money and stop cleaning and move out. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 ...we moved in together just half of a year ago. ...but we have already informed our real estate agent to move out already at that time. I'm a little confused... Did you sign a one year lease?? And you two 6 months into said lease?? So you told your real estate agent you won't be renewing?? Have you properly communicated this to the landlord?? Different areas have different Tenant/Landlord laws (check into it). Like others have posted, if you signed a lease... it is a contract. If he stops paying when you move out, you will be financially responsible for the legal, eviction and repair costs (if the unit was damaged in any way after you leave). Collection agents will go after easiest party to find, if he leaves town and you are still there in school, you will pay the entire cost. Can you break the lease?? Is there an "out" clause or something you can negotiate with the landlord?? Its not as simple as just leaving and moving out. You have an obligation to the landlord. Link to post Share on other sites
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