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I have Aspergerís and hate being single any hope?


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Old 14th April 2019, 5:22 PM   #1
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I have Aspergerís and hate being single any hope?

Are there any guys with my condition who have been in a relationship? Iím 25 and never kissed because I wasnít born with social skills.
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Old 14th April 2019, 5:30 PM   #2
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My cousin has Asperger's and he has been married for about 6 years I believe and has a baby boy. Yes, there is hope. <3
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Old 14th April 2019, 6:17 PM   #3
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theres always hope.....hope only dies when you let it.....keep the faith in what you believe in...follow your heart and dont let your asperger's define who you are..aspergers is a syndrome.something you live with..not who you are.....asperger's is just a part of you ...not the sum of you.....what is the sum of you.....what do you believe in...what are your values....what do you love??..deb
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Old 14th April 2019, 6:21 PM   #4
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A lot of famous people are aspies. Google it.

There is therapy you can take to help you to navigate social cues, and interaction with people.
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Old 14th April 2019, 6:40 PM   #5
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Iíve been rejected roughly 50 times and no one tells me why? Like, how am I supposed to know my difficulties and how to cure them if I donít have any information on that?
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Old 14th April 2019, 7:17 PM   #6
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I want to get married so bad that I declined an offer from Navy OCS (Office training for pilots) last year because I wasnít sure if I could find a girlfriend there. Iím no ready for 6 years of contractual depression and pain.
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Old 14th April 2019, 7:31 PM   #7
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The feeling I’m going through is so painful inside. I don’t care about owning a business or traveling the world as long as I have a kind woman by my side.

Last edited by DrasticMeasurements; 14th April 2019 at 7:33 PM..
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Old 14th April 2019, 8:07 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by DrasticMeasurements View Post
The feeling Iím going through is so painful inside. I donít care about owning a business or traveling the world as long as I have a kind woman by my side.

why do you want a kind woman ?

why is that important to you?
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Old 14th April 2019, 8:11 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by DrasticMeasurements View Post
Like, how am I supposed to know my difficulties and how to cure them if I donít have any information on that?
Are you working with a professional therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist who knows about your diagnosis and can help you?
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Old 14th April 2019, 8:13 PM   #10
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why do you want a kind woman ?

why is that important to you?
I mean someone who shares my values. I am a Christian and follow Jesus Christ closely so I extremely appreciate and desire those traits in another person. I tend to laugh at people who only focus on going to dental school or just want to earn so much money to be ďloadedĒ living in a mansion with a Maserati, but they are lonely without a relationship.

Iím happier living in a small house within the pinewoods of Georgia with a wife instead of ďliving it bigĒ in NYC with a fancy suit, shoes and townhouse. The latter sounds so depressing.

All that money wonít follow you to the grave.
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Old 14th April 2019, 8:26 PM   #11
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I mean someone who shares my values. I am a Christian and follow Jesus Christ closely so I extremely appreciate and desire those traits in another person. I tend to laugh at people who only focus on going to dental school or just want to earn so much money to be “loaded” living in a mansion with a Maserati, but they are lonely without a relationship.

I’m happier living in a small house within the pinewoods of Georgia with a wife instead of “living it big” in NYC with a fancy suit, shoes and townhouse. The latter sounds so depressing.

All that money won’t follow you to the grave.

i feel its unkind to laugh at people with money who are lonely......personally i wouldnt date a man who was money driven....its a turn off fo rme...but...in saying that i wouldnt laugh at them i just dont feel they are the right fit for me....

laughing...is unkind.....lonely people with money or lonely people without money....

the loneliness feels the same....and we all know that feeling hurts.....maybe you don't laugh you just wrote the wrong word.........really as a christian you wouldn't laugh at another's pain.....

you know how to attract kind peoples.....be kind to everyone you meet...no matter who they are or what they have......and you will meet the right people for you i promise this....to you ...hand on heart i testify...being kind will be like a light around you to attract others with the same light and that may be the love you find in a kind woman who sees you for you and when you don't say things or write things right...that kind woman will try to understand what you are really trying to say....

..do some volunteering in a charity you believe in and be with your church friends who have the same beliefs values and standards as you ...they will uplift and strengthen you...i know this to be true....because my church friends do it for me..uplift me ...cheer me up....make me happy.... and have some good times with them...appreciate them and thank god everyday for them.................just keep your faith that god knows what you need and with patience .....he gives good to good people with heartfelt prayers keep your hope.....god bless..and my prayers for you....deb

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Old 14th April 2019, 8:37 PM   #12
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Can you practice your approach and a date with a female friend or sibling so they can give you feedback?
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Old 14th April 2019, 8:53 PM   #13
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Talking

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Can you practice your approach and a date with a female friend or sibling so they can give you feedback?
Wow, great idea
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Old 14th April 2019, 9:43 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by DrasticMeasurements View Post
I mean someone who shares my values. I am a Christian and follow Jesus Christ closely so I extremely appreciate and desire those traits in another person. I tend to laugh at people who only focus on going to dental school or just want to earn so much money to be ďloadedĒ living in a mansion with a Maserati, but they are lonely without a relationship.

Iím happier living in a small house within the pinewoods of Georgia with a wife instead of ďliving it bigĒ in NYC with a fancy suit, shoes and townhouse. The latter sounds so depressing.

All that money wonít follow you to the grave.
Do you belong to a church? Do you attend ministries in your church targeted to singles?

If not, find a non-denominational Christian church with a large fellowship. That would be a great place to start to form a community you can belong to and maybe even find women to date.
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Old 14th April 2019, 9:45 PM   #15
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At the same time as working on your social skills and anxiety with a physician/ therapist/ psychologist, consider the following. Step 2 and Step 4 will the be most important for you - the value of talking with women just for their companionship rather than begging for a date is priceless.

People with Aspergers are obviously having a rough life in the social skills arena, are less likely to strike out on their own in the social scene, and less likely to be in tune with the subtle social cues that women have been growing up around since childhood.

I may not have a formal diagnosis of Aspergers but I hear your pain in the social skills arena. I started out in a very similar place to you.

I've now had more spectacular dates with stunning women than I could have ever dreamed of. But that came through long years of dating people who I was not compatible with. You have to be determined to change or at least improve, the ingrained social anxiety and awkwardness, and learn social cues like a course.

The only way to fix this is to devote yourself to the training like a religion.

1. Step one - portray yourself at all times in the most well dressed, fashionable man you can be. Ask your salon's advice on what is the most physically attractive haircut that will go with your head. Use gel if needed. Physical attraction cuts both ways. You may be able to attract a hot girl, but you must accept that certain ladies will never date you no matter what redeeming qualities you have because you are not their type.

2. Step two - portray yourself socially amongst women as a relaxed and easygoing man, who is willing to have a fun conversation. You must beat the stereotype that you come across like a shy guy, and can only have intellectual conversation. Step two and step 4 are the most important steps for you.

3. Step three - surround yourself with hobbies that you enjoy, which women simultaneously enjoy.

4. Step four - spend at least 1 month of solidly talking to a different woman every day, and get over the "stagefright" of approaching a woman you like. You should also spend time getting friendly with women, solely for the friendship, without worrying about fighting the friendzone. The idea behind doing this is to be comfortable in your own skin around attractive women. Failing to do this step proficiently will result in you losing your opportunity once a spectacular woman comes your way, because you will be rejected for being weird. If you are a consumer of porn, it needs to stop right now. It will be like trying to come off heroin - but if you choose to continue porn, a real relationship will be like trying to taste Italian spice after eating tacos with spicy red hot sauce - like an effing candle compared to a blowtorch. You will have such distorted views of women that dating will be meaningless.


At this point, you stop and pause for a moment - you are about to jump into dating. If you were not totally comfortable in stage 4, you need to spend an additional month doing it until you are comfortable. Secondly - women will operate in the dating scene based upon what feels right - not based upon what logically is correct or what a man's internal rubric says they should do. Women will do irrational things to you based upon what feels right or wrong at the time, it's a fact of life. Women just grew up around emotional cues and are far more attuned to them. You can actually learn this skill too.

5. Step five - take notes on women around you who show you indicators of interest (playing with their hair around you, a sustained smile, sustained eye contact, asking to be with you, etc etc). Focus initially on the women who like you, and now ask a few of them out on a date. If that particular woman likes you a lot, go ahead, be a man, and kiss her on the way home. Focus on the difference between an interview, a date, normal conversation, and flirting conversation. Focus on the fact that you are getting experience. Don't go for your favorite spectacular woman just yet. Take a step back, smell the roses, and congratulate yourself on some good dating experiences at this point. If you have sex, wonderful. Step back and take in the experience.

6. Step six - now go ask out your favorite woman and see how it goes. If it fails, rinse, repeat, try again. Never fail in your determination, and try not to get too depressed from rejection. It happens to everybody - keep your head up and use Loveshack as a sounding board.


That's the summary of thousands of dating coaches advice. That's really all there is to it.
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