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Personality traits - red flags?


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Old 13th April 2019, 6:16 AM   #1
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Personality traits - red flags?

I like a guy but he shows signs of impatient, moodiness, jealousy, possessive, secretiveness and insecurity. He tends to moan a lot too, which this gets me down. As time has gone on these traits have become more noticeable. He is in his late 40s. Can people change or is it best to just walk away? I have a neck pain from all of the stress as I don't want to date a man like this. It shows he is a pain in the neck.

I have met someone else who is the complete opposite but people say don't bother as he has no money but I would prefer someone who was positive and happy. Anyone got any advice? I want this neck pain to go too.
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Old 13th April 2019, 6:55 AM   #2
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It sounds like you already know what to do, so all I can say is trust your instincts on this one.

It is very unlikely that someone with all these negative traits will change, especially at his age.

As for the other guy. I agree a positive attitude means a lot more than money. Unless the lack of money is more of a reflection of his recklessness, which could make him a liability as a potential partner. In that case I would cross him off the list too.

It really depends though. There are plenty of guys out there who don't make a lot of money, but have so much going for them, and make great partners. A positive attitude, caring nature, and respect count for a lot. If you think he might be a good catch, maybe you should see where it goes?
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Old 13th April 2019, 6:56 AM   #3
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Unfortunately... I'd say don't get involved with either. If the first guy is causing you so much stress, that you have physical pain... then that won't change. And, even if it does... you may be mentally "Done" with him, and that won't change.


The second guy... well... money is a huge factor in failed relationships. He may have a great personality, but if he becomes a leach... then you will have stress because the bills aren't paid, the bill collectors are calling, and your car gets repo'd. I guess the only way guy 2 would be ok is... if he is just between jobs, and is actively looking.


My 2 cents... take it for what it's worth.
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Old 13th April 2019, 7:16 AM   #4
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Don't settle.

It sounds like you would be with both of these men.
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Old 13th April 2019, 7:40 AM   #5
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Guy #1 - I have no idea why you stayed with him as long as you have.

Guy #2 - Define "no money". Do your friends expect you to land a top income earner and criticise a guy who's on a teacher's salary? Or is he chronically unemployed? If it's the former, then I don't see a problem. If it's the latter, don't bother.
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Old 13th April 2019, 2:38 PM   #6
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Is the "first guy" the hiking guy? Um yeah no---everyone already told you to give up on him and that I wouldn't call dating.

As far as the second guy, i guess you won't know until you give him a chance, will you? I think a great financial difference can be a strain in the long run and on the other hand i think everyone wants to be seen as who they are and what they offer in terms of real relationship stuff (positive, support, compatibility, etc). If you really have done little more than CONSIDER going out with him but haven't yet, it's probably too soon to answer this question. To me, assuming the "first guy" is the hiking guy, you are not choosing between the two guys, only deciding if you should go out with the second one or not. Plus you can continue dating others or attempting to until you have enough information on the second guy and whoever else you are dating to make a decision about who to be serious with.
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Old 13th April 2019, 5:35 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Angel29 View Post
He is in his late 40s. Can people change or is it best to just walk away?
They can, but by late 40s probably have no interest in changing.
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Old 13th April 2019, 5:47 PM   #8
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There are people who are never happy and people who manage to be happy most of the time no matter what. I'm 66 and so I've known lots of people over decades. The ones who were bitter, cynical, snide jerks never changed. They got worse. People's basic personalities don't change. Now, there is such a thing as being too cheery to the point they can't face reality or keep themselves from doing something stupid out of blind faith, and I have a friend like that. Irritating if they're extreme in either direction, frankly.

Moderation is key. Maybe neither of these guys is right. Find one who's mostly in a good humor and can support himself is my advice, and do the same yourself.
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Old 14th April 2019, 2:58 AM   #9
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Anyone got any advice?
Hi Angel29, my advice is to follow your heart. You say you like man #1, but your description of him is only of negative things. Man #2 you say is the "complete opposite", and as such, I assume has very positive qualities. However, you didn't even say if you like man #2
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Old 14th April 2019, 4:01 AM   #10
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i dont know what no money means....means no savings but supports himself and looks after his responsibilities on his own without parental support........if it is this i suggest you should follow your heart...as far as a relationship goes a man who can support himself adequately ......theres nothing wrong with that..what are you looking for op.does man b support himself.....normally for me if theres a man b and a man a....i choose neither....but thats me...i choose none ...because there should be no conflicted emotions..i concentrate on one man...all my focus....thats hard enough...let alone two........deb
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Old 14th April 2019, 5:02 AM   #11
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Yeah , it's really just out of one and one, because you feel nothing for the 2nd guy anyway.
Just wondering , do you ever talk about those things with him , or is he under a lot of stress right now.?
At any rate , if you can talk or even chuckle together about his crap , get whether he's even aware of himself right now, what he thinks, he might be , or he could've been going through lows or whatever, or be willing to positive himself up a bit, you might still have a chance.
But then again , he might not.
l'd give that a try though first.
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Old 14th April 2019, 3:11 PM   #12
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I do like guy number 2 but have not seen him for a while. I have spent time with guy number 1 but as time has gone on, he is set in his ways which upsets me as I hate negativity. Guy number 2 can support himself but has no savings. My parents keep telling me to meet a man with money but when I do I am unhappy. I think it is unhealthy to be going after someone who is negative and has money. I don't know what goes on in my parents heads at times. I would prefer to be happy.
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Old 14th April 2019, 3:26 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by Angel29 View Post
I do like guy number 2 but have not seen him for a while. I have spent time with guy number 1 but as time has gone on, he is set in his ways which upsets me as I hate negativity. Guy number 2 can support himself but has no savings. My parents keep telling me to meet a man with money but when I do I am unhappy. I think it is unhealthy to be going after someone who is negative and has money. I don't know what goes on in my parents heads at times. I would prefer to be happy.

amen to happiness...money doesnt buy it nor does money make love happen......stick to your beliefs.....stick to your heart and what it wants...and you will find your own slice of happiness......deb
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Old 14th April 2019, 11:06 PM   #14
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With nearly 50% of Americans unable to come up with a measly $400, how are all you women going to find a man with money? Answer: You're not.
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Old 15th April 2019, 8:49 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by todreaminblue View Post
i concentrate on one man...all my focus....thats hard enough...let alone two
That reminds me of something funny I read on a profile last year. She said something like, "Guys, if you're going to date multiple women, don't get our names confused."

Angel29, you should follow your heart, imo. If you don't, you won't have a solid foundation for a lasting relationship. HOWEVER, with that said, I DO think you absolutely should pay attention to red flags. Otherwise, you could get yourself in trouble.
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