lovesick996 Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 So me and my boyfriend have been dating for 6 months this months, but we have known each other for 6 years. We are in a long distance relationship. He lives in MA and I am in FL. He will be moving to TN at the end of the summer with his friends so they can all start their music careers. I am fully supportive of his decision and honestly hope all of his dreams come true. I am also starting my videography career on my own and have to move somewhere else, so my boyfriend voluntarily asked me to move in with him. I had to think about it since I never planned on moving to TN. This was a big decision for me to uproot everything and move states away with nothing, not only to support him but to also start over. We are both tired of this long distance, and I told him yes, but then when he talked to his friends/roommates one of them doesn't want me to move in with them. After a few conversations, his friend has agreed to let me move in with them for only half a year, but then I have to get my own place. I am trying to be understanding of my boyfriends situation and the commitment he made to his friends to live with them before living with me, but it's hard. After planning to uproot my life to move and live with him to later find out that I'll only have a couple of months then have to live on my own again and have the cost of living skyrocket because it will go from 4 people paying bills to just me. On top of that my boyfriend told me he wouldn't live with me for probably a year and some change because he'd probably pay a little more in rent and would be comfortable with the music set up he'd already have at his place. I feel like I am putting so much on the line, and keep facing disappointment with the living situations. Part of the reason I decided to move was not only to live with him but the fact that cost of living would be significantly lower that what it is for me now. However living on my own again kinda defeats that purpose. Do you think making this move is still a wise choice?
smackie9 Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 I have a simple solution....find a new BF. This whole situation isn't going to work. It's like patching up things with little band-aids....it won't hold for very long. I also have a sense that when you both get going with careers, there won't be any compatibility. You are already going in your own separate directions. It's inevitable.
bathtub-row Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 You need to let him go so that he can live his life and chase his dream unfettered, and he needs to do the same for you. You’re both in a very big phase of developing wonderful careers and you’ll both regret it if you let someone else interfere with that. While it’s hard to do, you’ll both appreciate one another for giving each other their freedom. Who knows? Maybe someday you’ll find one another again but, at this point, the timing for the two of you is all wrong. 1
clia Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 I understand you've known him six years, but your relationship is only six months old and you are making a lot of sacrifices for a new relationship. Setting aside your boyfriend, where does TN rank on your list of places to move to launch your videography career? Do you foresee having sufficient options there to accomplish what you want to accomplish? How is the job market for you? Think long and hard before you sacrifice your own career. Given the newness of your relationship, I think it's a bad idea to move in together. I think it's an especially bad idea for you to move in with him and his friends. If you want to move there to be closer to him, fine, but get your own place or find roommates. I really would not recommend doing this, to be honest. 2
kendahke Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 (edited) Will moving for him be a mistake? Yes--you should never move for anyone but yourself and your own good. And never be at the mercy of anyone for a place to lay your head at night. You also have to remember that while the cost of living might be lower, so are the salaries. Tennessee isn't known for being the hub of cinematography. Atlanta or Austin would be a better economical bet than Tennessee; LA and NY would be your best bets of getting into the business proper, but I get avoiding the high cost of living there, having lived in both places myself. Let him get acclimated to the area first before considering moving there. You're going to end up putting your dreams on hold to support his life plan. You living with him and his band isn't a realistic option--and one of them has already drawn a line in the sand regarding you living there. Edited April 9, 2019 by kendahke 1
Ruby Slippers Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 This is a terrible plan. Only move to be with a man if you're moving in together and he offers to pay 100% of the bills. Anything less and I promise you'll regret it.
hippychick3 Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 Yes, it would be a HUGE mistake. Do NOT move in with him and do not even move there for him. What a shi**y thing to say to you ...you’d have to leave in 6 mos. Hell no! 6 months of dating is not in any way long enough to make any kind of serious commitment like this regardless of his stipulations. 1
preraph Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 I wouldn't do it, but I also wouldn't resent him for it. He did have a prior commitment in place, so he's right to stick to that. He did try to include you, but as anyone who has watched "Spinal Tap" knows, girlfriends are usually an impediment and undue influence. If his band is a good cohesive one, they will come first anyway. Sounds like he's serious enough about his music to be moving and all, so best to leave that alone. Truly, women come second to a working band most of the time. It takes a special woman with a purpose to fit into that scenario. These guys may have a hard time keeping a roof over their heads too. You just don't need that. Hey, if they get successful, then in six months or a year, he can always get his own place and invite you down. Knowing musicians like I do, once they're actually gigging, he'll be dating locally, though. So don't you sit there in Florida being faithful and rotting and waiting! Working musicians have options and from what I've seen, they live for that.
LuckyM Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 Hard to know how much commitment you feel toward him. Will you miss him a lot if you don't move? Is this love or desperation?? If your move is basically, for convenience and money saved, I agree with the others. Nashville area, for example,is notoriously very competitive in the music business, so many people trying to make it. Especially in country. Also, I know that housing is expensive and rising. You could check city-data forum.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 Under the circumstances and given the short length of your relationship, no, I would most definitely not move.
d0nnivain Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 Never go from an LDR straight to living together. You need to date conventionally 1st. You say you are starting a videography business. So write a business plan & then do the market research to determine if the Nashville area supports your dream. If yes, give the relationship a shot. Otherwise go where the money is for you. 1
basil67 Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 And it's a No from me too. If the two of you were setting up your own place - just the two of you - then it could be different. But you going to a place where he's already got his own mates and one of them is calling shots on your relationship? No way. 1
emeraldgreen Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 I'm all for compromise and a lot of young people could do that more often - but this is one you simply don't have to do. You're in the golden years of being able to put steps in place to create the life you want. Be moderately selfish in a situation like this because you'll regret doing it for someone else instead of yourself later on.
BaileyB Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 Never go from an LDR straight to living together. You need to date conventionally 1st. Agree. Although, if I am moving to be closer to my boyfriend, I would want the goal to be that we will date for a while and move in together sooner than later. I’m not going to be very happy if he is living in a frat house with this buddies indefinitely... The general consensus is, move only if it is what YOU want, and if it would be good for your professional and personal life. If that’s not the case, you may want to consider letting this relationship go...
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