How do you tell the truth without breaking the heart of the one you love?

[Heartbroken400]

I made a decision not to live with nor marry my boyfriend solely because of money issues he has. It would only lead to real problems for us. He doesn’t see it that way at all maybe because I’m very financially set from saving and working all my life and he has very little in assets and only earns enough to pay his regular bills due to business failures and from what I see his lack of financial discipline. I don’t want to lose him because he treats me great and loves me a lot but I have to be honest with him because he keeps telling me we will eventually live together and get married.

 

How do I get through to him more clearly what I’m willing to do and not willing to do without totally breaking his heart?

[SophieG]

You can’t! The truth will break his heart, but at least you’ll be honest. He needs to know that you don’t share his vision for the future so he can make a decision for himself: stay with you and give up the idea of marriage, or move on and find someone who will want to marry him.

[Nilfiry]

It might not break his heart. Maybe it will give him motivation to find a solution even. Ehh... in the case of relationships, you will find that being straightforward and honest will often work out better for everyone. Some things are unavoidable when the truth comes out, but if you try to avoid the truth, you only create more complications, making undoing any knots much harder.

[d0nnivain]

You just tell him. If his heart breaks maybe something will change & he'll be more fiscally responsible but if I remember correctly from the myriad of other threads you started under various names he's already retired so there is no hope of real change.

[Curiousroxy86]

Are you ending the relationship? Or you just want to let him know you don't want to live with or marry him?

 

If you are just letting him know you don't want to live with or marry him unfortunately you have no control over how he will take it

 

So be as sweet and loving but clear as you can

 

"Honey I love you dearly (if that's true of course) and I want to make it clear that I want to be with you. However I also have to let you know that I don't want to get married and I want to remain living separately. How do you feel about that."

 

If he ask why then simply tell him why

 

"I want to make sure that the finances I worked hard all my life for is protected and this is the best decision to do that".

 

Just know staying with you is his choice

 

If he tries to convince you be firm and say "I love you but I made my decision".

 

Keep us posted what you said and how he took it

 

Good luck *hugs*

[smackie9]

I can't imagine him blaming you for your concerns. BUT if he gets pissy about it then you know his motivation is more than just having a life partner...he's looking for someone to support him into retirement. That's not your responsibility.