Should I get together with my crush of many years?

[txxted]

I have known this guy for over 10 years, we always were in the same friend group, and he is also one of my cousin's best friends. Since the moment we met, I knew I was attracted to him. He expressed the same level of interest when he saw me for the first time all those years ago and said "I've fallen in love" haha. At that time, I was about 14 and he was 17, so we never did more than talk. Since then, we would hang out every now and then, always with our group of friends. About half a year later my cousin tells me that this guy (let's call him Tom) has found a girlfriend. I have not seen him for another few months, until we both got invited to the same house party. Tom came with his girlfriend and we have not seen much of each other during the party. I was still attracted to him but I was okay with the fact he has a girlfriend now. The next day, most people left to go home but our group of friends stayed for an extra day. After the people left we all went back to beds. Tom lied down next to me and we talked for a while. I don't remember how we got there but all of a sudden he blurred out "you know I love you" stood up and left.

 

I think we would see each other every now and then again, he was still with his girlfriend and I was doing my thing. Then when I was about 17, we were hanging out and he says him and the gf broke up. We started sort of seeing each other for a few weeks or months when they were broken up. Nothing sexual ever happened, but we would sleep in the same bed, kiss and hold hands. We would spend more time together and would often text and stuff. Then suddenly I got to know he is back with his ex. I think it got me angry at the time but I somehow managed to pull myself together and move on without any drama. A few days or maybe weeks I got a message from him saying he is so sorry that it ended like that, that he wishes he knew blah blah. I think I said it was fine and wished him all the best. We would sometimes bump into each other when we went out, and exchange brief messages, but that was it. Shortly after, I entered a relationship that lasted for 4 years.

 

During those 4 years we would very rarely see each other. Him and the girlfriend broke up again, this time for good. I did not care. I was happy with my life. I still wished him all the best, I dont think there was ever any bad blood between us. I got single again about 4 years ago, and since then we continued being friends. This time however, he would again not stop talking about how he was sorry and how he missed me and such. I went through a bad break up, and I did not want to get involved with anybody, especially not someone who has left me for someone else before. So I just took it as a nice compliment, and thought nothing of it. I kept laughing it off. Again he is in a relationship, but this time we are in contact. Everytime we would meet, hed always say that he cant keep seeing me because he still cant move on. I know he is not the type to cheat on his girl, so I always laughed but stayed as far as possible so I could avoid drama. They broke up a few months ago, and now we started hanging out. It is often just me and him. He tells me he likes me, he is sweet and nice, he still says he regrets what he has done and if I make fun of it, he gets really angry.

 

It's been 10 years and we are still attracted to each other. After all those years we have started dating of a sort, and we are having a lot of fun. We have this chemistry that is not easy to find for me with other people. However, I wonder if his interest is not only because he sees me as a challenge, and something that he could have had but never did. I keep thinking maybe he does not like me for me, but for some ideal image he created in his head.

 

Also, it is rather weird as all of ours friends will find out eventually. I dont quite know how to progress from friends to more, like spending the night just watching tv and stuff. It all feels so strange to me. Any idea on how to handle this?

[preraph]

First, stop worrying about what your stupid friends would think. That's kind of immature, isn't it?

 

Next, set some rules and then date him. The first rule should be that neither of you are on dating sites or dating anyone else while you're dating each other, so you can give it a real shot. So far, it's been third parties in the way and all that comes with that. You seem to care about each other and be attracted, but you need to tell him it hasn't been working because neither of you have really been available and couldn't be exclusive. Tell him you're not asking for a future commitment, but only that you date exclusively until you see whether it works out. I think you should try.

[d0nnivain]

talk to him about what he wants. A decade later he is probably uncertain of your feelings & afraid he's been friend zoned.

 

If you are brave enough just kiss him. He'll get the message.

[Lotsgoingon]

This situation calls out for you to have a conversation with him.

 

Express your feelings just as you do here. BTW: you seem really balanced here, so trust that and share. Share that you don't know what you guys are doing, you're not sure about making the transition to more than friends, that he dumped you in the past.

 

The conversation will accomplish a number of things. You'll be expressing what's really going on in your body and mind--alignment is always good. And you'll also be letting him know that you aren't a pushover ... and that you're in touch with your feelings and really sharp and wont just put up with him being hot and cold.

 

And if this is the right relationship, he'll respond in a way that puts your worries to rest--not intellectually, but emotionally to rest.

 

Have the conversation ... Some of the best relationship conversations occur when a partner in your situation initiates a talk, even though they're not totally "sure" about what to say or even how they're feeling. Note: the solution to the riddle is to say "I'm not sure what I'm feeling." And the tell him what you told us.

 

You can do it.

[smackie9]

Just take his hand, look into his eyes and say "Would it be alright with you if we started dating?" then smile warmly. Boom it's done, have fun, enjoy.