Is he interested in me or not?

[Abouttt]

This guy started talking to me online in October/November. We ‘met’ on a dating app. He’s a med student 22 years old and I’m a law student 21 years old. Anyways, we only met 3 weeks ago because we had our finals in the last semester and we were doing our own things during holidays.

 

He still reached out to me during holidays and before we went back to college, he asked me out (coffee date). I said yes and we met. I think we had a great connection. Well, we laughed a lot and he asked me out again after that so I think our first date was great. I said yes and we had a second date and then a third (the second and third were on the same week. It was a week ago). He initiated all of them. He asked me out 4 times, but I declined the third time because I wasn’t available, but we ended seeing each other the next day.

 

Now the ‘issue’ is that he takes forever to text (like 24h), but I can say he puts efforts in when he texts. He writes a lot and asks me questions, etc. Yesterday, I asked him if he could help me with something and he said yes. He sent me like 15 detailed texts explaining me everything I needed. I thanked him and told him to not hesitate if he needs something too and I ended up my text with a little joke, but he still hasn’t answered and he still watched my Ig stories.

 

We didn’t see each other last week. I think he was really busy because he told me he spent the entire week at the hospital to work on a big field (until like midnight everyday). I don’t mind to eventually ask him out, but I think the guy should initiate more during the beginning stage. I thought that he should ask me on a 4th date and then I’ll initiate the next ones. I show him that I’m interested, but I’m clueless about him and I have no idea what he thinks about me.

 

He remembers a lot of things about me and I’m often surprised when he brings these things through text, but at the same time, he’s a med student, so he probably has a very good memory.

 

Is he just being nice? We didn’t kiss (yet). Does he only see me as a friend? Is he only very busy? I hate that excuse honestly because texting someone doesn’t require a lot of time... Is he losing interest since the last time we saw each other? Did I do something wrong?

 

I’m sorry, I ask a lot of questions, but I really see some potential with this guy.

[smackie9]

Ya well women need to reciprocate more these days. Ask him when he is available for another date.

 

I don't know what happens on these dates, I have to ask, did you do any touching? were you flirtatious? Did you dress a little sexy for him? Give him sultry looks? Anything to entice a man? like get close so he could lean in for a kiss?

[Abouttt]

Ya well women need to reciprocate more these days. Ask him when he is available for another date.

 

I don't know what happens on these dates, I have to ask, did you do any touching? were you flirtatious? Did you dress a little sexy for him? Give him sultry looks? Anything to entice a man? like get close so he could lean in for a kiss?

 

No, I don’t want to send him the wrongs signs. He’ll end up thinking I want to sleep with him if I dress sexy and flirt too much with him. I still put efforts in my look though. I know that the fact that we didn’t do any ‘touching’ is mainly my ‘fault’, but I don’t want to force things. I like to take my time.

 

We laugh a lot during our dates and we have fun too. For example, we went bowling and it was a great moment. We get along and learn about each other at the same time. The last time I saw him, we went to the mall because he needed help to choose a shirt for work.

 

I’d say that one of the problems is that we haven’t established a more emotional bond. We haven’t been vulnerable with each other yet and I need that to let someone gets closer physically with me. Maybe that’s the reason why he lost interest, I don’t know. But I also think it’s something that happens over time, no?

 

I can say he likes spending time with me and he probably thinks I’m a fun person to be around, but maybe it’s just not enough. Or maybe he figured out I want something serious and he doesn’t want that (it happened with other guys who are in their early twenties and viewd me more like the girl they would want and marry in a few years... Just not now). It’s frustrating. There are many possibilities and, unfortunately, that what happens when someone just slowly fades away without giving reasons.

[Curiousroxy86]

Nothing strikes me wrong with this guy. I mean taking a long time to text would annoy me as well but he seems to be interested in you considering he is initiating asking you out multiple times. Just continue enjoying your time and observing him. About the not kissing thing though I am going to tell you like I told someone else. If by the next date he don't kiss you the next time he text say "bob honey (what ever his name is) do you not like kissing? Because I do lol". See what he says. If by the next date after that he don't kiss you I personally would drop him lol.

[Abouttt]

Nothing strikes me wrong with this guy. I mean taking a long time to text would annoy me as well but he seems to be interested in you considering he is initiating asking you out multiple times. Just continue enjoying your time and observing him. About the not kissing thing though I am going to tell you like I told someone else. If by the next date he don't kiss you the next time he text say "bob honey (what ever his name is) do you not like kissing? Because I do lol". See what he says. If by the next date after that he don't kiss you I personally would drop him lol.

 

I honestly prefer it when a guy doesn’t kiss me right away, it’s just me... But I would expect it if he asks me out again.

 

I just feel like he’s fading away (he still hasn’t text me back + I uploaded a new profile picture and he didn’t like it. I knowww it’s lame, but still). Maybe he lost interest in a romantic way, but even friends and sometimes almost strangers liked my picture, so why not him?

 

I also feel like the whole world is ignoring me right now haha. Yesterday, I was bored and my ex (I’ve moved on now) reacted to my story, so I took the opportunity to ask him a question about a project he’s working on and he hasn’t answered me yet. I know he’s taking his time to answer and he’s a bit of a narcissist, so maybe he’ll even take the opportunity to ignore me/ghost me, but I honestly don’t care, it’s just a test that I did to check if everyone else is ignoring me. When we first started dating, he also took forever to text me even when he really liked me and it’s something that hasn’t changed with him during the relationship. So maybe I’m just attracted to some ‘slow texter’ type.

 

Do you think that new guy is ignoring me on purpose? Maybe he really hated the joke I made lol I don’t know. He could have put a ‘haha’ reaction or anything or even the thumb, I don’t care. But he did nothing.

[Curiousroxy86]

I would say cool your jets lol. Listen beginning stages we just don't know. Have a wait and see attitude. Observe. Right now it's just too early to tell anything. You will know if he is interested if he keeps trying to see you. if you don't hear from him well you got your answer. Just keep dating.

[Heidi_Alot]

I would say cool your jets lol. Listen beginning stages we just don't know. Have a wait and see attitude. Observe. Right now it's just too early to tell anything. You will know if he is interested if he keeps trying to see you. if you don't hear from him well you got your answer. Just keep dating.

cool your jets does sound funny thanks i'll use it a lot now

[Abouttt]

I would say cool your jets lol. Listen beginning stages we just don't know. Have a wait and see attitude. Observe. Right now it's just too early to tell anything. You will know if he is interested if he keeps trying to see you. if you don't hear from him well you got your answer. Just keep dating.

 

I would agree with you if you told me this like one or two years ago, but being too patient makes me lose it now haha I've met a lot of guys in the last year after my ex broke up with me. I've been on a loooot of dates with different guys and I felt nothing for them/no connection... Until him.

 

Now, I just start to lose hope. I know it's not about this guy and that I can get over him in a week if he doesn't reach out again, it's just the infinite process I'm going over and over again.

 

I still have accounts on dating apps and getting matches + guys who talk to me, but I'm honestly not interested in them because I view them as all the other guys I've met in the last months. They are somehow a distraction, but it's also superficial. They talk to me because they find me attractive, but they don't try to get to know me. 'Hey! You're beautiful! How are you?' ' What are you doing?' 'Are you there???' are texts that get super annoying. When I try to ask them deeper questions linked to their career, what they like to do, etc., they seem bothered. But not him because he's a smart guy who respects me enough to send me full meaningful texts (even when he takes ages to text. I guess he prefers quality over quantity, I don't know).

 

I've been taught that guys who like a girl pursue her, especially in the beggining stages. They are consistant, they want to see her often even with a busy schedule, they call her, they compliment her and they are not afraid to commit. I don't want to fool myself. I know how a guy who likes a girl behaves. I know men are not all the same, but still...

 

I guess I have to be patient and observe as you advice. I'll try to get another guy to ask me out this week and see.

[Curiousroxy86]

But like what would be your alternative?

 

Ya kinda have no choice but to wait and see

 

Or

 

You could just drop him before anything happens

 

But you would be back where you started anyway. So you might as well wait and see.

 

You need more information to make an informed decision on whether you should continue talking to this guy or not. I agree men do pursue women they like but the only thing I could really see was the taking a long time to reply thing. Other than that he seemed to be pursuing fine.

 

If your dating other guys anyway then I wouldn't worry about temporary flakiness. Because ultimately your going to choose the guy you like that's shows you the best effort anyway so it really shouldn't matter what one guy does. If he is ultimately flakey he is going to lose you anyway because your going to pick the guy who is not. It only matters when YOU start to get oneitis on a guy before he is becomes your boyfriend. Don't get oneitis.

 

So simmer down now lol and observe

[Abouttt]

You're right! Getting oneitis is the worst. I think the best thing to do is play the field until someone worthy wants to lock me down and commit 100% to me.

 

Thank you!

Edited January 29, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact quote of prior post

[smackie9]

No, I don’t want to send him the wrongs signs. He’ll end up thinking I want to sleep with him if I dress sexy and flirt too much with him. I still put efforts in my look though. I know that the fact that we didn’t do any ‘touching’ is mainly my ‘fault’, but I don’t want to force things. I like to take my time. <snip>

I was just feeling out how the both of you interacted...wasn't shaming you for not being slutty. Gosh. You can still be a lady when seducing a man in subtle ways...and that is why I said a "little" sexy. Light touching doesn't force anything or say "I want to hump a lot".... All I'm saying is let your hair down a little bit. Be more playful maybe? If this is a reoccurring thing, it just might not be the guys you go out with. Maybe tweak a few things and see if you get better results.

Edited January 29, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[Mrs._December]

I just feel like he’s fading away (he still hasn’t text me back + I uploaded a new profile picture and he didn’t like it. I knowww it’s lame, but still). Maybe he lost interest in a romantic way, but even friends and sometimes almost strangers liked my picture, so why not him?<snip>

This is how Millennials get their validation now? By everyone's reactions to their Instagram pictures/stories or Facebook pages? Jeez.

 

I think the biggest problem is that today's youth is all about instant gratification. If someone doesn't instantly text you or 'like' something you posted or reply to something you put out there or show some kind of immediate interaction to something you've done, then they're 'ignoring' you.

 

I don't mean this unkindly but the world doesn't revolve around you and your constant need for attention. I mean, you're actually complaining because the new guy didn't acknowledge something you posted - you act like his choice not to even give you a thumb's up on it is some kind of tragic event or something.

 

A life lesson Millennials will eventually have to learn as they get older is that the world does NOT revolve around them. It's just the plain and simple truth. I have to be honest - if you're acting like this around this guy - constantly needing attention and validation and sulking if you're not getting it, then I can see why he'd be turned off.

 

Smackie simply asked you if you dressed a LITTLE sexy for him and flirted with him. Doing that does NOT mean that he'll automatically assume you're trying to get him into bed. It simply shows him you're interested in him. If he hasn't even kissed you yet, there could be several reasons why. Are you giving off a closed vibe to him? Since you don't want to put any effort into flirting or being a little sexy for him, that comes off as being closed to him. Are you spending too much of your time on your cell phone posting on all your social media accounts during your dates with him? Because that's a huge turn off if you are. It could also be he's too shy or that he simply isn't feeling it.

 

But do yourself a favor. Try not to be so self absorbed. It's a complete turn off to everyone - not just men. I'm just being honest.

Edited January 29, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[Fekenaws]

If you haven't kissed yet I would really suggest against reading too much into anything he's doing or saying. Some guys just like to have a girl on the "back Burner", he knows he could get with you if he wants but he might be exploring other options or he simply isn't that interested in you. I've done this to girls I spoke to on dating apps before, and usually, its when I'm bored or I have a few prospects floating around

[Abouttt]

Thanks for your replies!

 

No I’m not on my cell phone when I go on dates, it’s rude and I’m not seeking his validation and attention either when I’m around him. That’s a false assumption about Millenials, Mrs._December. I just noticed he didn’t like my profile picture. It’s just a fact, but I’m not obsessing over it even though it’s a little bit disappointing.

Is it being self absorbed and seeking instant gratification if I just want him to reply a little bit faster? People in their 30s, 40s, 50s and more get frustrated when people don’t answer in a reasonable time. Everyone has a cell phone now. Btw, it has been invented by older generations, but that’s another debate.

 

@fekenaws I think you’re right. I’m probably his back Burner. Since it’s not something that I want, I would probably not engage in another conversation if he starts one in a few days or weeks. I’ll be polite, but that’s it. I won’t ask him quesions in return, but I won’t ignore him either. Being a back burner after three dates equals losing my time with this guy. I’m personally honest when I don’t see a future with a guy. I hate the idea of stringing people along.