Cakess Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 Hi guys, it's been awhile since I've been on here but I'm really looking for some non bias love advice. For starters, I am 23 years old and the guy I am interested in dating is 26 years old. He has a 3 year old son with my ex friend. I would describe him as shy, with a leading feminine energy and myself as a soft, bubbly person but I definitely lead with my masculine energy most days. I am pretty attracted to easy going, gentle natured guys. Our relationship started out kind of odd, and even though I don't think it's related to my question I'll post it: Originally I was friends with his son's mother about 3 years ago, that friendship only lasted a few months. Then, about a year ago, he and I matched up on OKC, went on a date and hit it off right away, but the relationship was weird in that it was...casual, but exclusive, but non-romantic, yet fully sexual. If that makes sense. Anyway, I realized that I was developing serious feelings for him, which I think he reciprocated but neither or us wanted to break the ice so instead I just called it off completely. That was 3 months ago. I reached out to him for I guess, a booty call and he and I have fallen right back into old habits. But this time I want it to be different, I want to really be honest with him about my feelings for him. My issue is, he's really shy, and I don't know how best to seduce him into letting me in completely. Now onto the question: Between caring for his son, holding a full time job, and constantly in legal battles with his son's mother/my ex friend, it's hard for me to work any charm into his life. I don't want to be pushy, but I want him to think of me as a vacation from all his stress where he can be comfortable and open and receive love. Right now he does, but I feel like he thinks I just see him as sex and nothing more, and that he has so much going on that he can't involve me. He doesn't trust me and he's holding me at arms' length, even after all this time. What can I do to push my way in??? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 it sounds to me that you want to dominate him just like a mother would. both of you are babies and probably have little, if any, life experience. my advice to you is to find another man who is childless and loves you for who you are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cakess Posted January 21, 2019 Author Share Posted January 21, 2019 it sounds to me that you want to dominate him just like a mother would. both of you are babies and probably have little, if any, life experience. my advice to you is to find another man who is childless and loves you for who you are. why use the term dominate?? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 why use the term dominate?? you said he is feminine and you are masculine and you are attracted to docile men 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cakess Posted January 21, 2019 Author Share Posted January 21, 2019 you said he is feminine and you are masculine and you are attracted to docile men I think you're taking my descriptions a bit too literally but thank you for your input Link to post Share on other sites
The Dude Abides Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 Cakess, if all is as you describe it and the two of you are genuinely interested in each other, why don't you just come right out and talk to him about it? You could present the way you feel incrementally to him, or maybe just have it all come out in one conversation. Another approach might be to continue to date him and do things with him, support him as he undoubtedly needs help from time-to-time (job, young child, problems with ex) and slowly let the momentum build to the point that he realizes that you really are serious about him. I wouldn't say the word "seduce" fits what your plans are currently. Rather than seducing him, which to me has the connotation of achieving sex, it seems that you are trying to win his heart. Your current connection with him is only three months so far, and for many that is no where long enough to have things turn into feelings of love and commitment. My suggesting is to slow down and let what might happen, to happen naturally. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 Timing - What makes you believe he wants a relationship right now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cakess Posted January 21, 2019 Author Share Posted January 21, 2019 Timing - What makes you believe he wants a relationship right now? I don't I just want to prod him into seeing that I am a good romantic partner for him, something subtle that doesn't scare or shy him away but doesn't make me look too aggressive either. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 but the relationship was weird in that it was...casual, but exclusive, but non-romantic, yet fully sexual. If that makes sense. Anyway, I realized that I was developing serious feelings for him, which I think he reciprocated but neither or us wanted to break the ice so instead I just called it off completely. That was 3 months ago. I reached out to him for I guess, a booty call and he and I have fallen right back into old habits. But this time I want it to be different, I want to really be honest with him about my feelings for him. My issue is, he's really shy, and I don't know how best to seduce him into letting me in completely. He doesn't trust me and he's holding me at arms' length, even after all this time. What can I do to push my way in??? I think I understand what you mean. I just wish you could give examples of actions he gave off to you on why you felt the relationship was the way it is. So without examples I'm drawing my own conclusions In my opinion you being easy going, pressure free, positive, sexual, etc is already giving him that feel good vacay experience. That part alone can invite him to open up. Ultimately he has to choose to want to open up to you. But to encourage it and invite it ask questions. Show interest in his life. After y'all have sex that's a good time to talk and try to encourage intimacy from him. Simply ask "babe how are things with your kid?" "I notice xyz. How do you feel about that". Ask out of curiosity and allow him to share. No pressure. I mean if he is already expressing how stressful baby mama/job is well then he is already probably letting you in a bit. Now if you feel everything is too casual and non romantic. It just sounds like your going with the flow which men do love that but men will also do what they want without giving you what you need if you let them lol. Hence you having casual but no romance. So this means you must communicate your needs I don't know the real life examples for what is missing. But for example say y'all watch tv, have sex, and may call each other boyfriend and girlfriend but y'all don't really go out and do couple things as much as you would like Then the simple solution is to ask for what you want sweetly "Babe I love staying in and watching shows you and ravishing your body. I would also like to get out sometime with you. Can we do that babe" or just simply ask "hey hun can we go to xyz today?" Whatever it is you want to do or whatever your not seeing from him ask for what you want If he doesn't seem receptive to what you want then forget all that trying to be an escape for him. At that point you should let the boy go for good for he is simply just not romantic atleast with you and is being emotionally unavailable. Now I don't think you made it clear if the reason it was like that was because you never communicated what you wanted or if you have and he didn't respond favorably. If it's the latter then you shouldn't try to build anything with this guy. If it's the former then let him know what you would like and see if he can deliver Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 Allowing things to unfold naturally and allow him to escalate the relationship is the best seduction tactic a woman can take in my opinion. But going with the flow won't necessarily give you what you want if the guy doesn't naturally give you what you want. This is where boundaries and communicating your standards and asking for what you want (sweetly of course) comes in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 I would describe him as shy, with a leading feminine energy and myself as a soft, bubbly person but I definitely lead with my masculine energy most days.Aside from AlphaMale's comment, that I agree with... You would only become frustrated with him over time and lose respect for him. You would end up abusive to him in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 Why at your age do you want a man with a kid and ex drama? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 You can seduce someone for a night ... or for an fwb ... as long as the person finds you at least somewhat attractive. You can't really seduce someone into being serious--unless they're an idiot. Serious romance absolutely requires two people reaching out to the other. Either he wants you or not, has feelings for you or not ... sounds like he doesn't. But seducing him into a serious relationship ... not happening. And by the way, you don't want to be his escape from stress. That will wear out quick. You want someone who can be there for your stress as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 To seduce an man? Have supper on the table. Seriously, nothing shows caring/nurturing than a woman that can cook. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 ... but I feel like he thinks I just see him as sex and nothing more... If I'm being honest, I think he sees YOU as nothing more than sex and he has no desire to GO any farther with you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 Why at your age do you want a man with a kid and ex drama? LOL. Amen sister. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 You ask how to seduce him properly? Well you've already had sex with him so you did pretty well. If you want to know how to get him to fall for you I don't see it happening. He would be pursuing you for a relationship by now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 To seduce an man? Have supper on the table. Seriously, nothing shows caring/nurturing than a woman that can cook. totally agree smackie9, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 First thing I thought when I read this was cook for him. Make a nice meal at your house. . . soft music, candle light, wear something soft & touchable but easy to remove with your best unmentionables underneath. Set the same romantic stage in your bedroom too. The next morning over breakfast talk about your expectations. Do not try to have this conversation in any medium other then face to face & make sure you are both relaxed when you start. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cakess Posted January 21, 2019 Author Share Posted January 21, 2019 If I'm being honest, I think he sees YOU as nothing more than sex and he has no desire to GO any farther with you. Perhaps but I've been with men who are like this and he doesn't fit the bill. All of the sexual initiation comes from me either physically or by coaxing him to come over. To answer other questions... I've cooked many meals for him. Leads to sex, some pillow talk.. Not much afterwards. I want a man with a kid because I do not want children of my own. He has ex drama yes, but remember I know this woman, and been friends with her at one point. It's not a stranger I'm hearing about. I'm frustrated because I want to communicate my desire to date and do more couple things but I don't want to scare him. I suppose I do mean seduce him into falling for me. When I suggest getaways like concerts or weekends together he either completely shys away from it, forgets, or we have scheduling issues because of his son. I just want some tips on the proper charm to get around these weak barriers he's holding up on me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cakess Posted January 21, 2019 Author Share Posted January 21, 2019 (edited) I think I understand what you mean. I just wish you could give examples of actions he gave off to you on why you felt the relationship was the way it is. So without examples I'm drawing my own conclusions <snip> Examples of our relationship would be, he'd ask me if I'm seeing anyone else, tell me that's he's not seeing anyone else and then drops the conversation... Or he'll mention that he would never entertain someone else but won't move forward on the relationship part. Or, once we had a moment of being away for weeks and when we finally reunited and spend the evening together he mentioned how he'd be open to moving in with me... But then quickly back tracks and says that I wouldn't want to live with someone like him in his current standing...ugh, I wish he'd let me decide for myself because I want him bad haha. Edited January 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 Examples of our relationship would be, he'd ask me if I'm seeing anyone else, tell me that's he's not seeing anyone else and then drops the conversation... Or he'll mention that he would never entertain someone else but won't move forward on the relationship part. Or, once we had a moment of being away for weeks and when we finally reunited and spend the evening together he mentioned how he'd be open to moving in with me... But then quickly back tracks and says that I wouldn't want to live with someone like him in his current standing...ugh, I wish he'd let me decide for myself because I want him bad haha. He sounds insecure about being able to meet all of your needs since he has a kid and ex drama. I guess my advice would be to first make sure you WOULD be ok being second fiddle, and then tell him so. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 When I suggest getaways like concerts or weekends together he either completely shys away from it, forgets, or we have scheduling issues because of his son. I just want some tips on the proper charm to get around these weak barriers he's holding up on me. Real talk. He is a dud. So you have communicated wanting to do things with him and he is not following through? He doesn't want anything more with you honey. I know you like this schmuck. But at the least be honest with yourself and look at things the that way it is. Look at him the way he already is. He enjoys the sex the attention the meals and gladly taking all what your offering. But when you have communicated wanting to go out and do couple things he is not saying what a man who truly likes you would say which is yes/of course/I would love to/let's make it happen And I think you know this because your trying to put some love spell on him to change him. Trying to figure out how to seduce. You already seduce and charming the hell out of him already and he still can't oblige you? Cut. Him. Loose! Find a guy that will GLADLY do getaways and concerts with you. There's a excellent dating coach on YouTube who imo doesn't get enough views name joe amoia or something like that and he says something like you can't make a man love sushi. But you can introduce him to sushi. Take him to the place that sells quality sushi. Make sure he has the best sushi experience to encourage him to like it. But if he don't like it well another man will. Let this boy go and find a man that will truly appreciate what you have to offer and trying to offer and also give you what you want. PLEASE 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 Examples of our relationship would be, he'd ask me if I'm seeing anyone else, tell me that's he's not seeing anyone else and then drops the conversation... Or he'll mention that he would never entertain someone else but won't move forward on the relationship part. Or, once we had a moment of being away for weeks and when we finally reunited and spend the evening together he mentioned how he'd be open to moving in with me... But then quickly back tracks and says that I wouldn't want to live with someone like him in his current standing...ugh, I wish he'd let me decide for myself because I want him bad haha. You think you want him bad because your banking on what could be if he would just do xyz. And because he is giving you or saying just enough for you to keep seeing him and trying for him he is still not giving you what you ultimately want. He is hot and cold. He telling you what you want to hear but actions falling through. Carrot on stick smh. Shut it down. I'm telling you. Men that want to be with you they don't do this honey. Men that want to escalate the relationship don't do what this guy is doing. I know you dont want to hear this. I know you like this guy but again look at what he is doing right now. Not what your fantasizing for. Do you want a man like that or do you want a man who follows through on his actions and is direct and escalates the relationship. This guy ain't what you want or need. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 (edited) <snip> I'm frustrated because I want to communicate my desire to date and do more couple things but I don't want to scare him. I suppose I do mean seduce him into falling for me. When I suggest getaways like concerts or weekends together he either completely shys away from it, forgets, or we have scheduling issues because of his son. I just want some tips on the proper charm to get around these weak barriers he's holding up on me. This changes things. You have been trying & he hasn't yet you stay. Sorry but seducing him might not be possible. Seems like his favorite thing about you is that you have sex with him without the commitment. Forget the seduction . . . just ask him. Edited January 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
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