hitswitch Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 hi why is it that every1 seems to think that a partner who is 'needy' is a bad thing . 1 of my friends has a girlfriend who is totally obsessed with him and says all the time 'i dont diserve u' and stuff.he says it annoys him but id do anything to meet a girl like that, his g/f is quite attractive and cool 2. do most people think these are bad traits? Link to post Share on other sites
griftymcgriff Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Yeah, i think in a way it shows that person cares for you...i dont see why people hate it!! Link to post Share on other sites
Icarus Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 This one is waaayyyy too easy to answer! I gather from your question that you've never dated a clingy/needy person. Once you have, you'll understand completely. You'd do anything to meet one? And then after a little while ... you'd do anything to escape one!!! Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Clingy and needy = no fun. I've dated one too and it sucked. There is a difference between someone who you care about that wants to spend time with you like a normal person(good thing) versus calling 5 times a day and wanting to spend so much time with you that you don't have any time for yourself or your friends (bad thing)... Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 All the reasons above plus: it's not attractive. There's a point where being that needy looks pathetic, like this person has no backbone, no sense of self. Girls that are this way usually end up sleeping around and dudes like this are "nice guys" and get treated like a doormat. Link to post Share on other sites
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Clingy is in the eye of the beholder. For example, my ex-boyfriend used to complain that I was too needy because I wanted more of his time. We saw each other once a week -- his choice. After one year of dating, I felt that a couple or three times a week was a bit more appropriate. Turned out he had major intimacy issues. Seeing his girlfriend more than once a week was more than he could handle, but it was easier for him to turn the blame on me and label me as "clingy" and "needy". Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Big difference in some one wanting to be with you and needing to be with you! Needy=drama...no thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hitswitch Posted July 23, 2005 Author Share Posted July 23, 2005 so what if u felt the same way about them? like u both wanted to spend more and more time with each other, isnt that a perfect relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 In an established relationship, I think that individuals should be able to have their needy moments without being condemned for them. After all, we all go through difficult times; most supportive and mature people would hopefully make allowances for a bit of "needy" behaviour if they knew that their partner was having a rough trot of it that might be making them act a bit out of character. Where someone you've just met seems very keen and needy, however, it's a turn off. What if you decide this isn't the person for you? Letting someone know that you don't really want to see them again is never pleasant - It's 100 times worse if that person has decided that the "need" you. Why are they so needy? Have they been hurt before? Do they think you'll be the answer to all their prayers? The end of all the hurt and loneliness? What if you end up rejecting them, and this sparks of a depressive episode? Instead of relaxing and focusing on this person's positive qualities, you begin feeling under pressure to deliver. To identify and meet their needs. Your eyes automatically start darting around, identifying escape routes should they be needed - and once you start thinking like that, it's over before it's even begun. Getting to know a potential romantic interest is a lot less stressful if you think that they're big and ugly enough to take any rejection on the chin. This may be the reason so many men believe that women are attracted to "bastards" - or why women buy endless books exhorting them to behave like "bitches." Most of us don't really want bitches or bastards. We do want people who spend their time with us because they want to; because they like us and feel happy in our company. Not because they feel there's a void in their life that can only be filled by a partner. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Originally posted by hitswitch so what if u felt the same way about them? like u both wanted to spend more and more time with each other, isnt that a perfect relationship? Wanting to spend time with each other is great. As long as it is a CHOICE, and not an obligation based on need and insecurity. Lindya described it very well what happens when the choice turns into obligation. Link to post Share on other sites
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Originally posted by lindya We do want people who spend their time with us because they want to; because they like us and feel happy in our company. Not because they feel there's a void in their life that can only be filled by a partner. EXACTLY!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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