Did I Really Screw This Up Badly?

[Mac0908]

Hey all. So I got a message from a girl on Match.com. Saw she was a single mom and truth is I have never had much interest in them aside from anything casual. I quickly went the flirty route to try and feel her out, saying we can go back to my place for a glass of wine if our first date goes well, etc. Stuff like that. She tells me that casual doesn't work for her and writes "Thank you for being honest. Good luck". I say that's too bad, really wanted to meet you and by casual I don't mean sex but more along the lines of casual dating with "no serious commitment right now". Translation for you guys = Me dating a single mom would take something REALLY special. She suddenly says my definition of casual is ok and our date is set for that night down the block from my apartment. On the date, something shocking happened that I hadn't experienced in a long, long time. The girl is BETTER looking than her pictures, and on top of that we are hitting it off beyond belief. I truly enjoyed her company. I was floored. She comes back to my place for glass of wine and we end up having a serious makeout session (and a bit more). With regards to sex she tells me she doesn't want to be a "first date girl" and she just has to get to know me better. However she does say she wants it really bad and can tell we would have great chemistry. She has to force herself to hold off. I tell her I completely understand all that and don't want her to feel pressured. I offer to drive her home which she loves and texts me saying it was "beyond sweet". She also specifically tells me how she's "Ok" with casual dating and "I' not looking to get married tomorrow". We even make plans for a second date on the way home. Hand holding on the ride home as well. One of the nicest first dates I've personally ever had. In a nutshell, i was considering wanting to really get to know this girl. A complete 180 from my thoughts just a few hours earlier.

 

Date #2 is a few days later on last Saturday 12/8. She can't get a babysitter to go out and has no choice but to invite me over her place after her son is asleep. I was all for it. We do takeout and watch TV. The chemistry is still amazing and we are both having a great time. The kid actually WAKES UP though about 2 hours in and isn't feeling well so unfortunately I have to leave. She's very upset about it all but I tell her not to worry and how I totally understand. I give her a kiss goodnight. She texts me saying I’m “amazing” for being so understanding. Also says she was having fun for the time being and was “really looking forward to seeing me today”. I tell her "Same here". All was still fine IMO.

 

Then it happened. Things for some reason seem to slowly go downhill. The next day (Sunday) I texted her asking how the kid was. She says thanks for asking and he's doing better with meds. We send a couple texts back and forth and the convo fizzles out. I didn't want to go right in with asking her on date #3. I wanted to wait a day or two. I've learned from experience that going full steam ahead within the first few weeks of dating someone typically isn't the best idea. Monday there was no communication. Then Tuesday around noon I text her. I invite her over MY place for Friday night and say I will cook for her. While she was at work all day until 7:30pm, she did NOT respond to this text message until 8:30pm. She has written back at work to me before. She says she's can't Friday bc she has a "holiday party". NO counteroffer. Asks how my day was though. Immediately I saw right through what likely happened. I had screwed up. She was likely turned off by the invite right back to my place on a Friday night and figured that meant sex which she wasn't ready for and she didn't feel she knew me well enough. The unfortunate irony is I didn't even intend for that to definitely happen.

 

The next night, Wednesday, I try and clean up my mistake and ask her to go out to dinner at a restaurant by her tomorrow and if not its no big deal. She responds upbeat and says she can't tomorrow bc she's working late but writes "Maybe I can try and get a sitter for next week??". I tell her sure what day works for you? Lets plan ahead so you can get that sitter. She responds an hour later saying "Ok let me see what I can do about a sitter". That was Wednesday night 12/12. I have not heard from her since

 

So what really happened here? Was me asking her over for dinner such a FATAL mistake that it messed up this great start that we both had? Or can this be saved? You must remember that while not the best idea to invite her over for dinner so early on I suppose, the girl DID come back to my place on the FIRST date and got into some pretty heavy action with me. Sure she turned down sex, but still, I told her I completely understand. I know that probably doesn't mean much, but I just didn't think it would come to this now. Would definitely like to see her again but its looking pretty obvious at this point that may not happen. I feel like the only way out of this might be to text her sooner than later telling her that I hope she didn't get the wrong idea about me and that I'd really like to see her again. I don't know. Any advice is appreciated.

Edited December 17, 2018 by Mac0908

[ericw899]

I don't think it's over, she did say she will try and figure out a sitter. I do think asking her to your place was a bit of a mistake. Date 1 was your place, Date 2 was her place, perhaps she wanted to go out for date number 3 before getting caught in a rut of going back & forth between each other's homes. In additions I'm sure she figured that Date #2 at your house meant sex, which obviously she wants a little more time beforehand.

[WomenWubber]

She may or may not be into you.

 

Doesn't mean you screwed up, it's her loss my dude.

[Mac0908]

I don't think it's over, she did say she will try and figure out a sitter. I do think asking her to your place was a bit of a mistake. Date 1 was your place, Date 2 was her place, perhaps she wanted to go out for date number 3 before getting caught in a rut of going back & forth between each other's homes. In additions I'm sure she figured that Date #2 at your house meant sex, which obviously she wants a little more time beforehand.

 

Yes absolutely. I just wasn't thinking much. But you're right. It was too much of hanging out at people's apartments too early (though most of date 1 was in fact at a bar before we came back here) I just looked at my invite as wanting to do something nice for her (cooking), but I gotta say, after I sent that invite, something did feel a little "off". To girls, your apartment = sex. I wasn't using my head completely.

 

In any event, you say you don't think it's over, but we're talking about no communication since Wednesday now. I know she has a go to sitter. She obviously booked her that first night for our first date in an instant. Now suddenly I haven't heard back. Best case scenario is she's having second thoughts.

[Versacehottie]

Hey all. So I got a message from a girl on Match.com. Saw she was a single mom and truth is I have never had much interest in them aside from anything casual. I quickly went the flirty route to try and feel her out, saying we can go back to my place for a glass of wine if our first date goes well, etc. Stuff like that. She tells me that casual doesn't work for her and writes "Thank you for being honest. Good luck". I say that's too bad, really wanted to meet you and by casual I don't mean sex but more along the lines of casual dating with "no serious commitment right now". Translation for you guys = Me dating a single mom would take something REALLY special. She suddenly says my definition of casual is ok and our date is set for that night down the block from my apartment. On the date, something shocking happened that I hadn't experienced in a long, long time. The girl is BETTER looking than her pictures, and on top of that we are hitting it off beyond belief. I truly enjoyed her company. I was floored. She comes back to my place for glass of wine and we end up having a serious makeout session (and a bit more). With regards to sex she tells me she doesn't want to be a "first date girl" and she just has to get to know me better. However she does say she wants it really bad and can tell we would have great chemistry. She has to force herself to hold off. I tell her I completely understand all that and don't want her to feel pressured. I offer to drive her home which she loves and texts me saying it was "beyond sweet". She also specifically tells me how she's "Ok" with casual dating and "I' not looking to get married tomorrow". We even make plans for a second date on the way home. Hand holding on the ride home as well. One of the nicest first dates I've personally ever had. In a nutshell, i was considering wanting to really get to know this girl. A complete 180 from my thoughts just a few hours earlier.

 

Date #2 is a few days later on last Saturday 12/8. She can't get a babysitter to go out and has no choice but to invite me over her place after her son is asleep. I was all for it. We do takeout and watch TV. The chemistry is still amazing and we are both having a great time. The kid actually WAKES UP though about 2 hours in and isn't feeling well so unfortunately I have to leave. She's very upset about it all but I tell her not to worry and how I totally understand. I give her a kiss goodnight. She texts me saying I’m “amazing” for being so understanding. Also says she was having fun for the time being and was “really looking forward to seeing me today”. I tell her "Same here". All was still fine IMO.

 

Then it happened. Things for some reason seem to slowly go downhill. The next day (Sunday) I texted her asking how the kid was. She says thanks for asking and he's doing better with meds. We send a couple texts back and forth and the convo fizzles out. I didn't want to go right in with asking her on date #3. I wanted to wait a day or two. I've learned from experience that going full steam ahead within the first few weeks of dating someone usually backfires. Monday there was no communication. Then Tuesday around noon I text her. I invite her over MY place for Friday night and say I will cook for her. While she was at work all day until 7:30pm, she did NOT respond to this text message until 8:30pm. She has written back at work to me before. She says she's can't Friday bc she has a "holiday party". NO counteroffer. Asks how my day was though. Immediately I saw right through what likely happened. I had screwed up. She was likely turned off by the invite right back to my place on a Friday night and figured that meant sex which she wasn't ready for and she didn't feel she knew me well enough, The unfortunate irony is I didn't even intend for that to definitely happen.

 

The next night, Wednesday, I try and clean up my mistake and ask her to go out to dinner at a restaurant by her tomorrow and if not its no big deal. She says she can't tomorrow but "Maybe I can try and get a sitter for next week??". I tell her sure what day works for you? Lets plan ahead so you can get that sitter. She responds an hour later saying "Ok let me see what I can do about a sitter". That was Wednesday night 12/12. I have not heard from her since

 

So what really happened here? Was me asking her over for dinner such a FATAL mistake that it messed up this great start that we both had? Or can this be saved? You must remember that while not the best idea to invite her over for dinner so early on I suppose, the girl DID come back to my place on the FIRST date and got into some pretty heavy action with me. Sure she turned down sex, but still, I told her I completely understand. I know that probably doesn't mean much, but I just didn't think it would come to this now. Would definitely like to see her again but its looking pretty obvious at this point that may not happen. I feel like the only way out of this might be to text her sooner than later telling her that I hope she didn't get the wrong idea about me and that I'd really like to see her again. I don't know. Any advice is appreciated.

 

Ok, here's my perspective on what happened & what you can do:

*yes, i think it's highly likely that yet another home get together turned her off/made her question things with you. For a couple of reasons, a) she wants to make sure that you don't just want sex and b) she doesn't want you to lazy & boring about dating her and even though you've had fun on the previous dates it doesn't look like you are willing to put in much effort when this date is what you proposed. Plus don't forget, you also coupled all these occurrences with the fact that before you even met her you said you wanted something "casual". Which all of that together might be the perfect storm of a fatal mistake.

 

I like what you said about her, how you feel about her and she seems really cool and open minded. See how she handled when you did say casual? That's pretty much the perfect answer she gave you. Doesn't prevent her from missing out on good guys and at same time she is not just saying she will forever be ok with casual. What she is saying to your "let's see" is "let's see" back. chick sounds like a good one.

 

So i know that you asked her to dinner after you realized your potential mistake. I think that was good BUT here's the thing, you are going on a very practical guy notion that there is no need to pursue her, have lighthearted flirting conversation IN THE MEANTIME. Basically you are not working it--by it, i mean the connection. You have to give her a reason (and continued reasons) to want to go out with you (and vice versa). While from your perspective you are waiting for her to arrange a babysitter, from hers you aren't that willing to pursue her as in keeping in touch (doesn't have to take a ton of either of your time, just some thoughts that she is on your mind and build on things you've discussed or inside jokes etc). She may be thinking since you asked for casual and to see her at your place for 3rd date that you want one thing only and the silence from you (while you think you're just waiting for her answer about sitter) just confirms what she believes may be the case in the meantime.

 

So that's my take. Try not to look like a guy who is tepid, timid, half-a**ed. What's cool is if you were wow'd by her than act like it. People usually like when a connection is built upon.

 

*note to say that while a "counteroffer" is a nice thing to do but if you're using it as a RULE she should play by to judge her interest in you, you don't actually know if she has the rule book, do you? What I'm trying to say, is not everyone plays the same way and what a shame it would be if you put up a wall and started to act in accordance with believing someone wasn't really into you and all the doubts that come with that because of something small like this which could mean absolutely nothing. Just saying. Good luck

[Mac0908]

So i know that you asked her to dinner after you realized your potential mistake. I think that was good BUT here's the thing, you are going on a very practical guy notion that there is no need to pursue her, have lighthearted flirting conversation IN THE MEANTIME. Basically you are not working it--by it, i mean the connection. You have to give her a reason (and continued reasons) to want to go out with you (and vice versa). While from your perspective you are waiting for her to arrange a babysitter, from hers you aren't that willing to pursue her as in keeping in touch (doesn't have to take a ton of either of your time, just some thoughts that she is on your mind and build on things you've discussed or inside jokes etc). She may be thinking since you asked for casual and to see her at your place for 3rd date that you want one thing only and the silence from you (while you think you're just waiting for her answer about sitter) just confirms what she believes may be the case in the meantime.

 

 

I appreciate this advice. I feel you are right. But at the same time the girl DID say "Let me see what I can do about a babysitter". If she had no real intention of going out again she shouldn't have really said that, no?

 

I guess I could have thrown her a text this weekend, but instead I have been waiting around for her, yes, but that's only because she basically said/implied that she would get back to me.

[Versacehottie]

I appreciate this advice. I feel you are right. But at the same time the girl DID say "Let me see what I can do about a babysitter". If she had no real intention of going out again she shouldn't have really said that, no?

 

I guess I could have thrown her a text this weekend, but instead I have been waiting around for her, yes, but that's only because she basically said/implied that she would get back to me.

 

ahhhhh, but see you have such a one track mind, lol...i don't mean only for hooking up. I mean just on getting the date. Try to think on more than one plane, multi-dimensional. While you are purely focused on getting to the next date--she is probably wanting a connection. You can build that and work her attraction toward you without yet knowing the date answer, you know? It might alleviate doubts that she had that you were only interested in hooking up if you show interest in her as a person and when you enjoy a person's personality & have started to build a connection, you like talking to them. And do it without much need for an "outcome". There's a level of trust shown AND confidence, when you continue to communicate with someone AS IF they are going to sort out the babysitter & plan a date as discussed but that you trust they will do that but don't need to stop talking to her while she does that. If you were being a pest, that's one thing but i think your silence isn't helping, it's hurting what could be. If I did a poll of my gf's right now, almost all of them would say they love it when their bf's or guys who became their bf's could talk to them and text with them. If you have such great chemistry, i actually don't understand why you wouldn't really.....I mean i do understand that many guys are very literal and kinda one-track but it really gives the guys who work the other angles an edge/advantage.

 

Let's presume she is interested. Then you have nothing to lose by contacting her a bit more. And don't talk to her (or text with her) like there is a pregnant pause of "when are you gonna let me know about that date?"....just talk to her because of some common interest you discussed or something funny. I don't know if guys know it (i would imagine they do) but sometimes they concoct a harmless and YES VERY TRANSPARENT reason to contact us (when they don't have a more genuine one or maybe their phone text game isn't that strong)...and if we like you, we think it's the cutest thing and are happy for it. We laugh with our friends because we know the "reason" is nonsense...you know it, we know it but you're doing it because we are on your mind and thinking about us and that's good. It's a good way, early on to show that you'd be a good ALL-AROUND catch.

[Mac0908]

ahhhhh, but see you have such a one track mind, lol...i don't mean only for hooking up. I mean just on getting the date. Try to think on more than one plane, multi-dimensional. While you are purely focused on getting to the next date--she is probably wanting a connection. You can build that and work her attraction toward you without yet knowing the date answer, you know? It might alleviate doubts that she had that you were only interested in hooking up if you show interest in her as a person and when you enjoy a person's personality & have started to build a connection, you like talking to them. And do it without much need for an "outcome". There's a level of trust shown AND confidence, when you continue to communicate with someone AS IF they are going to sort out the babysitter & plan a date as discussed but that you trust they will do that but don't need to stop talking to her while she does that. If you were being a pest, that's one thing but i think your silence isn't helping, it's hurting what could be. If I did a poll of my gf's right now, almost all of them would say they love it when their bf's or guys who became their bf's could talk to them and text with them. If you have such great chemistry, i actually don't understand why you wouldn't really.....I mean i do understand that many guys are very literal and kinda one-track but it really gives the guys who work the other angles an edge/advantage.

 

Let's presume she is interested. Then you have nothing to lose by contacting her a bit more. And don't talk to her (or text with her) like there is a pregnant pause of "when are you gonna let me know about that date?"....just talk to her because of some common interest you discussed or something funny. I don't know if guys know it (i would imagine they do) but sometimes they concoct a harmless and YES VERY TRANSPARENT reason to contact us (when they don't have a more genuine one or maybe their phone text game isn't that strong)...and if we like you, we think it's the cutest thing and are happy for it. We laugh with our friends because we know the "reason" is nonsense...you know it, we know it but you're doing it because we are on your mind and thinking about us and that's good. It's a good way, early on to show that you'd be a good ALL-AROUND catch.

 

I must say, I agree. You actually inspired me to text her just now.

 

I just hope it's not too late. First time I reached out since that Wednesday night situation.

[GinON]

As a parent, I can say all kinds of crap could be happening. Just let her get life together and contact you back. Give it a week or two, if you don't hear back, then something happened and she just isnt able to keep going out with you. You haven't done anything to make her think you aren't interested.

[Mac0908]

As a parent, I can say all kinds of crap could be happening. Just let her get life together and contact you back. Give it a week or two, if you don't hear back, then something happened and she just isnt able to keep going out with you. You haven't done anything to make her think you aren't interested.

 

Eh. Let's be honest. Short of a.00001% chance of her kid being deathly ill there's no reason for her to have acted this way aside from the obvious. I screwed up a bit. Now we wait and see if I can save it.

[Versacehottie]

I must say, I agree. You actually inspired me to text her just now.

 

I just hope it's not too late. First time I reached out since that Wednesday night situation.

 

i'll have my fingers crossed for you. if she is a single mom, she might not follow the norm of what you know since you don't date single moms. I think you might have to expect that things with her will be different than usual. That's often how it is if the person is not what you expected to really really like but somehow you do. Also imagine as a single mom, her priorities have shifted but are very clear which is not similar to other girls you normally date. That can make her more forthright (and attractive because of it). Good luck

[GinON]

Eh. Let's be honest. Short of a.00001% chance of her kid being deathly ill there's no reason for her to have acted this way aside from the obvious. I screwed up a bit. Now we wait and see if I can save it.

 

There are plenty of things that are not illness. School problem, ex husband shows up...

Random things happen with kids, but you may be right.

[Versacehottie]

There are plenty of things that are not illness. School problem, ex husband shows up...

Random things happen with kids, but you may be right.

 

Yeah, again i would caution you from thinking unilaterally, OP. TBH, my guess would be that it's a little of both. You screwed up a little bit with what you requested for the dates and not really propelling momentum that had nothing really to do with the dates themselves. AND she may have a lot going on because she is a mom and it's a busy time of year (and of course random outlier things are possible too). But rather than it being a black and white direct cause thing, it's probably multi-layered. Loss of momentum, coupled with uninspired get together suggestions coupled with other priorities of her own that have nothing to do with you BUT that you haven't yet made enough of an impact or impression to becoming a strong priority yourself. Not a bad thing because it's only been a couple of dates. The one thing you can change is to infuse momentum and connection. You can't change her past, it'd be difficult to change her priorities but you could become one of her priorities with your effort and connection. Life is not often an EITHER OR situation when it comes to relationships with others.

[Mac0908]

Yeah, again i would caution you from thinking unilaterally, OP. TBH, my guess would be that it's a little of both. You screwed up a little bit with what you requested for the dates and not really propelling momentum that had nothing really to do with the dates themselves. AND she may have a lot going on because she is a mom and it's a busy time of year (and of course random outlier things are possible too). But rather than it being a black and white direct cause thing, it's probably multi-layered. Loss of momentum, coupled with uninspired get together suggestions coupled with other priorities of her own that have nothing to do with you BUT that you haven't yet made enough of an impact or impression to becoming a strong priority yourself. Not a bad thing because it's only been a couple of dates. The one thing you can change is to infuse momentum and connection. You can't change her past, it'd be difficult to change her priorities but you could become one of her priorities with your effort and connection. Life is not often an EITHER OR situation when it comes to relationships with others.

 

I know it sounds like I’m just looking for some credit, but I really feel like I deserve some in the sense that I didn’t do anything DRASTIC here imo to ruin this. I asked her to come over too soon. Ok. While clearly a factor in all this that likely turned her off, was it really something TERRIBLE? Was it the end of the world? Did I deserve for that to mark the unofficial end? No IMO , and then the next night anyway I do the right thing by asking her OUT to dinner and she implies she can do it next week and then she’ll see what she can do about a sitter. After that I don’t hear a word from her for days but your thoughts are I should have been staying on her keeping momentum. Not a bad idea at all, but at the same time why should I have REALLY had to? we had two great dates and then I asked her out for a third. That was that. Yes asking her to my place was the mistake but if she didn’t have interest in the going out to dinner offer she should have either been honest with me or just ghosted. Instead she implied that she’d get back to me and never did. How is that right?

Edited December 17, 2018 by Mac0908

[WorstFeelingEver]

OP.. you are pushing this girl too hard___aka, your dates are always going to someone's home. You say, you both enjoy each others company and have good conversations, right?? And you probably know some of her interests / hobbies by now??

 

And you do know, that casual dating, is not communicating every day, & worrying why she hasn't gotten back to you, right?

 

You outlined____Date #1, you meet at a bar, then went to your house... Date #2, you went to her house... trying for Date #3, you invited her to your house???

 

Ask her out, to go out.... Does she like sporting events, bowling, museums, etc...???? Plan an afternoon, or an evening to go out to an event, as mentioned above.... Then at the end of the date, you drop her off at HER house, without YOU going in, to her house, but give her interest throughout the date and at the end of the date. Maybe going out, to another event. This is called casual dating.

 

After that planned event date, she will know that the date was fun and she will have it on her mind, for a few days, about the day / night, of how much fun it was. This WILL put you on her mind, of being interested, and she will be interested in communicating with you during the week.

 

And remember, she is a single parent. I agree with previous poster__her priorities have changed___ her child comes first. She has a lot going on, prioritizing everything for her child's needs / wants / health / safety, etc...

 

I think if you hear nothing from her by tomorrow afternoon, I would just send a simple text, telling her, you are thinking of her & maybe say, you would like to plan an afternoon to a special event..... by saying this, she wont have on the back of her mind, about you two, going to someones house.

[Mac0908]

Ask her out, to go out.... Does she like sporting events, bowling, museums, etc...???? Plan an afternoon, or an evening to go out to an event

 

As long as you understand that I did that, albeit after my original offer to come to my place. Things could have been a lot worse. I could be telling you guys I simply never texted her again after she turned down the dinner at my place.

 

 

 

UPDATE: Well it looks like she ghosted me.

 

Texted her last night (though late, around 10:00pm), and I never got a response this morning.

 

If this is what it came to, being GHOSTED because I maybe pulled the wrong move by inviting her over my place? Then I don't want anything to do with her anyway. Disgusting IMO.

 

Two great dates. Great chemistry. Great laughs, etc. Then I maybe make her uncomfortable with the invite over my place and that's the END of it? Not to mention, she then goes the phony route of acting interested for the dinner out, tells me she'll try and get a sitter, and then ghosts me?? How's that for wrong/immature? 32 years old btw. A mother.

 

Thanks for everyone's help and advice here. Meant a lot. But i'm fine. She showed her true colors.

 

I would never ever ghost someone, especially not in a situation like this.

Edited December 17, 2018 by Mac0908

[Andy_K]

You put your cards on the table for casual dating. She decided that was okay. Then she either got a better offer from someone more relationship oriented, or changed her mind. So you got ghosted. You might hear back from her again if her other option doesn't work out, but don't hold your breath.

 

You didn't really do anything wrong.

[Mac0908]

You put your cards on the table for casual dating. She decided that was okay. Then she either got a better offer from someone more relationship oriented, or changed her mind. So you got ghosted. You might hear back from her again if her other option doesn't work out, but don't hold your breath.

 

You didn't really do anything wrong.

 

Thanks man. I agree. But with the facts we have of her acting different pretty much right after my offer to come over, I think its common sense what exactly happened. She didn't want to sign herself up for what she THOUGHT was me just looking for sex, even though the reality was very different. Really just a shame how the whole initial "casual" talk pretty much backfired on me. Bc I liked her. I did want to get to know her better. If only I could have got her out one more time I would have flipped the script, so to speak. But if she ever reaches out again, I don't think I could feel the same way about her. Ghosting is the ultimate no-no/turn off for me, especially in a situation where I know I didn't do anything terrible/wrong.

Edited December 17, 2018 by Mac0908

[Mrs._December]

I can kind of understand her thought process.

 

She only had you over her house because of babysitter problems, not because she was looking to get you alone. Having you over was her only option or she had to cancel the date.

 

But it spoke volumes to her that your very next date idea was to once again try to get her alone at your place. Your intentions were immaterial - the message she got from that suggestion was that once again, you were trying to get her ALONE at your place. Coupled with your honesty in the beginning about not wanting anything serious with her, what else COULD she really think?

 

So while she was temporarily feeling a little better when you counter-offered with a date at a restaurant and originally was going to try to get a sitter and go, I think she just looked at the whole situation in retrospect and decided it just wasn't what she's really looking for, after all.

 

Ghosting you, however, was rude and unacceptable regardless of how she felt about this situation.

 

Next time, maybe you should stop with the silly texting and actually TALK to someone on the phone rather than resorting to texting. It's so cowardly and impersonal hiding behind a keyboard and it sure didn't help your cause this time.

[Mac0908]

I can kind of understand her thought process.

 

She only had you over her house because of babysitter problems, not because she was looking to get you alone. Having you over was her only option or she had to cancel the date.

 

But it spoke volumes to her that your very next date idea was to once again try to get her alone at your place. Your intentions were immaterial - the message she got from that suggestion was that once again, you were trying to get her ALONE at your place. Coupled with your honesty in the beginning about not wanting anything serious with her, what else COULD she really think?

 

So while she was temporarily feeling a little better when you counter-offered with a date at a restaurant and originally was going to try to get a sitter and go, I think she just looked at the whole situation in retrospect and decided it just wasn't what she's really looking for, after all.

 

Ghosting you, however, was rude and unacceptable regardless of how she felt about this situation.

 

Next time, maybe you should stop with the silly texting and actually TALK to someone on the phone rather than resorting to texting. It's so cowardly and impersonal hiding behind a keyboard and it sure didn't help your cause this time.

 

I appreciate the advice, and you're pretty much spot on about what went wrong. With regards to talking on the phone, I'm actually way more of a phone person than texting. But in today's day and age, there's more of a time and place for it with regards to psychology of it all and where I was at. This wasn't the best time to pick up the phone and put her on the spot in a way IMO. You just have to trust me on that. It was obvious I was in the doghouse and calling her up would have more than likely put her in an uncomfortable position where she probably would have felt obligated to mention something about the dinner out/babysitter. So instead I texted. Not really a big problem. The big problem as you alluded to was being ghosted which is wrong and honestly shows me a lot about her and her personality.

 

It's one thing if we never met and I was a complete nobody who only texted her a few times that's one thing, but we did go on two solid dates and had great chemistry. I asked her over to my place to cook for her. Wrong move yes, but it's not like I texted her saying 'Hey baby I want to f--- tonight when are you coming over?'

 

I personally am very surprised about the ghosting.

[LoverOfDance]

Mac, although i agree that ghosting is wrong, you weren't exactly interested in the beginning. You judged her before meeting her and went into this whole thing with one leg in and the other out. You weren't really all in from the beginning. You even told her you were only looking for something casual. Now, you think she's hot and amazing and you are changing your mind.

 

She is dating you casually just like you requested. When you date someone casually, you don't give them a lot of priority. She hasn't replied because you are someone she is dating casually. She isn't taking you seriously. You practically asked her not to take you seriously and now you are mad and upset that she isn't taking you seriously.

 

I believe that right now, you are getting the consequences of judging a book by it's cover. I hope you learn something from this. I believe that she will eventually get back to you. When she does, let her know your true feelings.

[Mac0908]

I believe that she will eventually get back to you. When she does, let her know your true feelings.

 

In the event she ever did, do you (or anyone) really think it's right to spill my guts to her about my feelings via text or on the phone? Yes I know this is a unique/odd situation, but I almost feel like that would just come off as too weird for someone that's only seen this girl twice. My ideal scenario was to get her OUT again and then tell her the truth. I really just kind of screwed myself in this one. No other way to really put it.

[LoverOfDance]

Well then do that.

 

Please don't tell her your feelings over the phone or through text. You don't know each other well. I'm not sure how she would receive anything you say.

 

Try to get her out again AND THEN tell her your feelings. I would call her to be honest. Just call her and ask her out. Enough of the texts.

[Mac0908]

Well then do that.

 

Please don't tell her your feelings over the phone or through text. You don't know each other well. I'm not sure how she would receive anything you say.

 

Try to get her out again AND THEN tell her your feelings. I would call her to be honest. Just call her and ask her out. Enough of the texts.

 

The girl ghosted me. I'm not calling her. I'm done with her now. If she comes back to me then that's another story. Still, my whole point is I actually don't think I CAN get her out again unless she knows I'm actually looking for a relationship and not just something casual.

[LoverOfDance]

If you have too much pride to pick up the phone, then wait for her to get back to you or move on.

 

Considering the fact that you are dating this girl casually, she has NOT ghosted you. In fact, i'm not sure you can actually ghost someone in a casual dating scenario. She can literally get back to you in 5 months and that SHOULD be fine because YOU ARE DATING CASUALLY.

 

I don't think you understand what casual dating is.

 

Feel free to wait around or miss out on a possibly good connection because of your pride.